Curious to know…
Show your support
I’m being naughty as I’m not in this position BUT my sister in law raised my almost 3 year old nephew exactly like this. He is the most confident little boy you’ve ever seen. She loves on him like no tomorrow still breastfeeds and bed shares and he’s SO happy. No tantrums, super polite, inquisitive little boy and a pleasure to be around. You’re not making a rod for your own back and they don’t need to learn to self soothe people just chat shit. My nephew also interacts amazingly well with other children and although my son has to go to nursery soon I’m hoping he’ll be the same at that age. I’m raising my 6.5 month old the exact same way.
Mum of a 3 year old here 🙋🏻♀️ We’ve always followed our son’s cues and been fully responsive as parents. We didn’t really bedshare aside from during some tough patches of sleep but again, that was led by our son who just happens to prefer his own space (we sleep better this way too) but he knows he’s welcome in with us if he’s ill or going through a phase of separation anxiety. We practice ‘gentle’ parenting (although I prefer to refer to it as ‘respectful’ as I find ‘gentle’ parenting is often misunderstood to be permissive parenting). He was never in childcare as a baby as I had the privilege of being able to stay at home and so has only ever spent time away from us with his ‘nanny’ (grandma, not paid help haha) who he absolutely adores. Anyway… he is an incredibly bright, well-adjusted, confident and respectful little boy who is absolutely thriving at nursery, despite being one of the youngest in his class. He is emotionally intelligent, can usually name his feelings and knows what…
You’ve pretty much described the building blocks for a solid securely attached child. Look up attachment theory. The first phase of childhood development hinges on responding to infants physiological needs as you’ve described. By doing this, you are building trust and a strong attachment. These needs change through human development but responding to them appropriately will have a good result. Ultimately on track for the child you described.
support he needs (either from us or what he can do himself) to regulate him. I have no doubt at this point that our approach was the right one, for our family at least, and we’ll be doing much the same with our second who is due in a few months. I follow some really good accounts on instagram that talk about gentle/respectful parenting and all the wonderful outcomes they’ve seen in their children/families they work with if you’re interested. I know it’s hard when they’re little as you don’t see an immediate pay-off so it’s hard to know whether it’s “working” or not but trust me it does xx
My eldest is 3.5, I breastfed him until he was 2.5, we didn’t co sleep (although I am breastfeeding and co sleeping with my 1 year old) but he would only have contact naps (breastfed to sleep) unless he fell asleep in the car or pushchair, and he would fall asleep when my husband rocked him or put him in the carrier. He used to be very shy and clingy, especially as I didn’t take him to many groups as there weren’t many near me after covid times. When he was 15-18 months old he learned to self settle at bedtime and started to sleep through the night. We still did contact naps until he stopped napping at 2.5 shortly after my second baby was born. He started to develop more confidence over the years and he started at the childminders just before his 3rd birthday and he loves it. He recently had his first sleepover at his grandparents house and was absolutely fine. Enjoy the cuddles, it won’t spoil them or harm them ☺️
No you have the perfect mindset, keep going and do not change! Don’t listen to the behaviourists and their Victorian dogma! Western society expects kids to be independent from the day they’re born, it’s not right. Kids don’t self-soothe, they suppress. Keep on doing what you’re doing! You’re doing the right thing! We are the same. Our toddler is 3 in July and sensitive, and we’ve cared for her similarly. I’m the office, I can tell who has had unconditional love like this, and not many have. Amongst friends, I know which ones were shown unconditional love and which weren’t. Etc, etc. I am always in awe of people whose parents showed unconditional love as it radiates off them, they have a glow and no sharp edges. You can spot it if you pay attention. Everybody should aspire to this way of parenting, especially with sensitive children. The world would be a better place. Keep going! 🙌
Eldest is 3.5 years old. Pro attachment and gentle parenting (when I have the patience 😳🤣) We/husband still bed shares with him. He's quite reserved and anxious in big busy groups. Super confident and hilarious at home I believe they all have their own personality's and I'll never regret giving him the comfort and support he needs. Withholding it doesn't teach them to self soothe or be self sufficient, it just teaches them that no one care. How would that manifest itself later in adulthood into friendships and romantic relationships and even with their own children... I want my children to know they're loved unconditionally. always. Day and night. And I want him to know he's always respected and important. His space In the world is just as valid as a person who is bigger than older.
So true @Jessica ! And just think about it… Even adults need soothing one way or another… Hugs, cuddles with partners, chats with friends, exercise, some soothe with alcohol and drugs, etc etc… So why should our tiny kids be any different when they have barely any experience in the world and their own developmental needs. Pro attachment all the way 🫶
F