Is it wrong to scare my daughter straight?

Definitely seek therapy for her, it’s not a joking matter and she needs to understand this. Especially as a teen or preteen they just have so many emotions they are trying to navigate. Mental help could be very beneficial.

Have you asked her why she says this? I only ask because she could have deeper issues that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about so makes out as if she is joking. I would treat this very seriously. My younger brother sadly took his life at 24 but had been talking about death and wanting to die since his early teens. His mental health diagnoses went from depression to anxiety to borderline personality disorder to schizophrenia. I really don’t mean to scare you and this is probably not your daughter’s situation at all but I would try to encourage her to talk rather than seeing it as bad behaviour or joking around, and seek professional help too. Hope she’s ok

Please don’t try to scare your daughter straight. Please take this very seriously andseek counseling. I realize you did this in the past, but I think you should seek counseling again. As someone who has lost 10 plus people in their life to suicide, always take it seriously.

I used to say the same things, in the same type of way, So I’ll tell ya about myself personally; to maybe give some perspective (not saying it’s the same case for your daughter just sharing my experience to maybe see if it helps) I have cptsd, bpd & im autistic with a pda profile. My baseline for the vast majority of my life; was being passively suicidal. I got sent off and it did not help me one bit. I went undiagnosed (in regards to the autism) until I was 23. My biggest support needs are emotional regulation skills & the fact that I need clear & concise communication. If I was diagnosed autistic sooner my emotional regulation skills would probably be better. Cause i went to therapy since i was 7 years old, but just for “anger issues” & “depression” when literally i was born out the womb with a brain that processed thoughts and emotions differently. & no one recognized that, they just kept trying what worked for neurotypical brains, so nothing helped the way they wanted it to

@Brenda yea I think she really doesn't understand and I can't seem to make her get the gravity of dying and that it's forever. She just says I don't care to everything I say about anything and takes nothing serious

@Courtenay I'm so sorry for your loss. I have lost people this way as well when I was young and it had a lasting affect. I feel that is why it triggers me so badly that anyone in the world would ever make such jokes.. even meaning them or not. It does scare me with her that something deeper is going on and she might just be professional at hiding it. I've asked her why in the past. She refuses to have any serious conversation with me or anyone else. She even tells her therapist silly things and won't talk about anything real 9times out of 10. She says it's weak to get help.

@Sarah thank you. I agree I will take it seriously... and I've got things set up but I'm on a wait list for crisis therapy help and in home therapy and a mentor. It's all just taking so long 😩 When I say scare her I just mean that she isn't taking it seriously herself at all and I'm not sure what to do to let her besides something drastic. Even when I take her to speak to someone she acts like she's fine then comes home and "secret" messages her friends talking about it again. Then comes out of her room laughing and acting so normal again. It scares me tbh

@Parker 又 I can relate to that a lot with being on the spectrum as well and treated for other things. Going through therapy myself as well. Certain therapist were better with me than others because it just can't be handled the same... I know what you mean. I'm so confused if she really wants to die or not and I 100%don't think she knows what it means to really die.. I've got a psychologist evaluation coming up soon I hope. I asked for one. Everything has a waitlist and I feel I can't even wait that long sometimes. If she gets told what is really going on with her and we get help I hope it actually helps. I don't know how serious she is about wanting to die when she says the things she says and she won't open up and be real ever. Also lies multiple times a day to ppl so I'm always confused about what's true. There's just so much going on here. I've thought about sending her somewhere only because if she really means it then I don't know how to handle that or keep her safe:/

I should have added to please seek help for yourself and take care of yourself! I have never been through this as a mom and my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine how hard this is. I hope you have a support system to help ❤️

It sounds really tough and I’m sure as a mum all you want to do it to fix it and make it go away. My only advice is to try and be patient with her and open and responsive to anything she has to say as it will encourage her to open up more and hopefully you can get to the root of it together. Speak to her with love and make sure she knows nothing she says is wrong, even if it hurts you. If there is something deeper going on this may take time. From my experience the fact she is making jokes about it or not wanting to be open with a therapist doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t something going on. I hope everything works out, you are doing the right thing by intervening now as the earlier she gets help the better. I agree with Sarah to look after yourself too, I know how distressing it can be to hear someone you love speak this way x

The fact she is future planning (when I grow up, talking about her 20s etc) is a good sign. It also sounds like you have a very special relationship with her which is fantastic. I do not think sending her away or scaring her is going to help. It sounds like talking about death is a way for her to express something she is feeling that she might not understand. This is a common thing in autism (although certainly not the only thing that might explain what's going on for your daughter, and im not saying every autistic person feels this way either!) So what will help, is finding out what is going on for her at those times she talks about dying, and help her work through it. However with any child this is far from easy!! Brilliant that you've got a few things in the pipeline, but I would consider additionally looking for a private counsellor who is experienced with kids and/or ASD. Especially if you're going to be waiting a while for the rest.