What do I do?

I’m a new mom of 2. I have an almost 3 week old son and a 4 year old daughter. My daughter has been acting out for attention and I feel so bad that I can’t give her all the attention she wants. Yesterday she put a lot of toilet paper, some soap, and ripped the paint off the bedroom door and threw it all in the toilet while I was feeding the baby and my bf was cooking. I found it, she got a spanking, and I told her stay out of the bathroom. Well I went back to feed the baby he was crying and she went back in there, took the whole toilet paper roll, and threw it in the toilet too. I’ve been having a hard time controlling my anger since I had my son and idk if it’s a postpartum thing or if I’m just angry angry person but I feel bad bc it’s hard when my daughter does things like this everyday to stay calm. It could also be the sleep deprivation but I know there’s no one to blame but me. How do I fix this?? I don’t want her emotional health to be affected. Is this normal behavior when a new baby comes along? So many questions. Please give me advice moms of 2 or more

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Someone needs to give some attention to the 4yr old she’s probably feeling very left out right now…spend time w her in between the baby moments, read a book to her sit down play playdoh w her etc…is your bf her father? If yes ask him to take her out for a day, to the park or playcentre or zoo or something. When I had my second, my hubby basically took over all duties for the older toddler (at the time 18m) and he took her out all day on weekends for me to bond and bf and nap w the baby, she didn’t act out because she had her Dads full attention and even my attention in between the baby moments like when baby’s napping etc. He was also the one that bathed and put her to bed every single night, she became a Daddy’s girl due to that. Do you have a sister or friend w same age kids that could also take her out here and there? She still needs to feel that she’s loved and not left out “because of the baby”. Hope you get through this Xx

Ask her to help you with the baby. My daughter used to sit next to me and gently rub baby’s head while I breastfed her. She can grab a diaper, pull a wipe out, she can help pick out his clothes, if you use a paci, she can hand you that or put it in his mouth. Put baby in the carrier and do the things you normally do together. Take walks outside together, go to the playground. She can run around and find treasures to show baby. Ask her what she wants to teach him when he gets bigger and you can make a big to do list. You can get her a baby doll carrier so she has a baby to take care of too. Plan activities for her to do while you care for baby. You can put out playdough and plastic cutlery with some small plastic toys and have her make something. We used to turn on my daughter’s favorite TV show songs and she would perform the songs for us while I fed and sat with baby on the couch. We used to use Snapchat filters to all take pictures together. It will get better ❤️‍🩹

@Kellie so my bf doesn’t have a license or a car so he can’t drive my car. I try to spend time with her and it’s been a struggle. I do try to have her help with the baby too but lately she’s been unwilling to wash her hands especially after using the bathroom and idk what that’s about but we have to constantly tell her about germs and washing her hands. She’ll tell us no sometimes and other times she’ll listen. On top of that I have postpartum preeclampsia and the medication I’m taking for it makes me sleepy. Not making excuses I’m just trying to figure out how to balance it all.

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