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@Nova thank you so much for your reassurance, it’s just very frustrating when you’re butting heads with someone because he thinks I’m being too soft and I think he’s much too strict 😂 I think he gets frustrated because she calms much quicker with me but I’ve told him that’s because shes more used to me cuddling her! I’m sure it also comes down to the way we were both raised too, very different from one another
No baby especially this young should be left to ‘cry it out’. Of course babies cry and sometimes a lot and it’s ok to need a breather or put them down to do something or even if in the car and you are stuck with them crying in the back because you can talk/sing to them etc. But actually purposefully leaving them to cry alone is not ok! It hurts you physically because a babies cry to a mother is super distressing and causes cortisol to surge. It’s nature so not just you. Everything y97 are doing is 100% correct - feed on demand, contact nap, cuddles. This is the foundation of building secure attachment which in turn allows your older baby/toddler to be more independent. It is backed by science that you cannot spoil a baby. A baby is literally helpless. They don’t even know they are out of the womb for the first 3 months and can barely see. Has your partner read any baby/parenting books? Keep doing what you are doing!
@Lauren I’ve told him all this, I work with young children and am most of the way through a child psychology masters degree but apparently that’s not enough for him to believe I know what I’m talking about! 🙄 I’m just glad I’m the primary carer and do all the feeds day and night and am the one who spends all my time with my little girl. She’s truly amazing and deserves all the cuddles. I feel bad enough changing her nappy because she cries!
I also just randomly saw this post on insta. https://www.instagram.com/p/DH7Ft--KGtE/?igsh=dGZkcXpnYm1mNjg0 It made me think of your post. It really sounds like your partner needs more education and it might help coming from a third party source. There is no being soft or strict with a newborn. Even a toddler/child can have firm boundaries but still needs responsiveness. My girl was a total koala baby and needed lots of holding, feeding to sleep etc. I was always very responsive and we even needed to cosleep for a few months. Some family members thought I was making her too clingy and that she was manipulating me (she was a baby!). Anyways she is a super confident toddler now. She is securely attached which gives her the confidence to be bold and explore and socialise.
Thank you for sharing your experience @Lauren it solidifies my belief in my own parenting 🩷 it’s like banging your head against a brick wall explaining things to him sometimes I swear 🙄 I really like that post, going to show him and see if, like you said, a third party’s input drives the points home x
Don’t have this experience personally but your method is by far the best! Babies have no object permeance whatsoever, so while it’s okay to leave them for a short period of time if you need a breather from crying (only around 5m) or to pee etc, they don’t realise you haven’t just walked away, they think you’re gone and find it super distressing! While leaving them if they’re grisly in their cot is fine, if they’re screaming and crying do not leave them! Emphasise to him that while she’s little, she’s crying because she needs something, even if that something is just comfort it’s still important to meet it!