Transparency or too much vulnerability?

So my friend has a 12 year old son. She’s been venting to me alot lately and has just been going through some things. Struggling between juggling motherhood, work, and life basically. She’s been going through a flare with her depression and is actively seeking help. Her 12 year old has been kind of distancing himself and so she felt he was old enough to talk to him about mental health and just be transparent about what’s going on and explained to him that it’s not him or anything that he’s doing, that’s she’s struggling with her depression and has been going through a hard time and even made it a learning lesson for him to take mental health seriously and reach out if he ever needs to. She told me her husband made a big deal out of her having that conversation with him and that it could lead to problems making him “soft” or worry too much and that kids don’t need to know about that. So now we’re having a debate about it and idk I think it’s important for kids to understand that it’s ok to be human and that it’s ok to reach out for help. I feel like as parents there’s so much pressure on us with everything, like we have to always be perfect, and it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t. It hits home for me bc looking back I feel like I would’ve appreciated some transparency and honesty from my parents and I feel like I would’ve done the same in her shoes. Just wanted to see others POV…

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Being honest with kids is important.

There is a reason they are calling kids the snowflake generation. They're all pathetic these days unfortunately. It's how they're raised

I grew up with an alcoholic, bipolar mother. I don't know if it would have made a difference had she been more open about it then, but I do know it was hard to watch her. I wish I was more open with my 12 year old. She was planning to make a suicide attempt two weeks ago and has been cutting. I had no idea until her friend told her mom and I wish we had talked more openly before about mental health and talking things through. No one is going to make their child(ren) soft by talking about mental health. I struggled with it for years before seeking help because my family largely ignored it and my dad didn't believe it was a real problem back then.

I think there is a fine line between what we should be honest with our children about. They do not need to know every adult detail. Being honest is good and explaining mental health and how you’re having a rough period but I’d leave it at that. You don’t need to create unnecessary worry for him. For example my mum was TOO honest. We knew everything about her and everyone, all the money issues she has, the fact my grandmother was sexually abused (knew this far too young) the fact that she had a mental breakdown at 16. It created ALOT of worry for me but especially my older sister.

I think it’s the balance. You have to be truthful but not dump unnecessary stress on kids, a sugarcoated version that is appropriate for their age. My husbands mother over shared (about everything including details about miscarrying when he was 10) and he said it was too much for him as a kid, he felt like he was dumped on and had to learn things beyond his years to comfort her instead of being a kid. There’s sharing and there’s oversharing. Kids need to understand but they aren’t there to help fix the issues.

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