Mourning an experience...

I 100% understand! I mourned both my birth experience as first was an emergency section at 10cm and the second my vbac failed. With my first I didn’t enjoy the first few hours/day as I was in such a state of shock and my 2nd he was in the nicu so was different. Only very lately have I been able to slowly understand both experiences and “let go” a little. I don’t think I ever fully will but just keep reminding myself what I did go through to get them both here safe and well, just like you did for your son! 💙

3 days of labour and my daughter moved the wrong way at the very last minute. I was 8cm dilated but she was not on the right side so I had to go through emergency c section. I spent my time saying to myself « all of this for a c section… » and then I breastfed her for 6 weeks, first growth spurt and my body could not follow. I was really mad at myself and was also putting myself down for not reaching my goal. In retrospect, I can say now that I did what I could and it was the best i could at that specific. Maybe I could have done things differently but at that moment I did what I did and I cannot change the past. Now I have a beautiful and cheeky 9 months old daughter who is my pride and joy and thankfully she is super healthy. Which is for me the best I could hope for. So all the pain or preference disappear when I see her face!

Yes, I also had an emergency c section. I was in hospital for a week trying to get induced. I had such a slow progression because he turned back to back and after 27h in active labour with just gas and air and finally getting to 10cm, my big boy was stuck. Attempted instrumental delivery failed twice so had to have the c section. My plan in the beginning was a water birth so it was so far from what I imagined even though I tried to keep an open mind, I was so hopeful and optimistic that I can do it and it wouldn’t get to the c section. What I did that helped me was having a birth review at the hospital and requesting all the records so I can see for myself and understand exactly what happened so I can learn for next time. I am telling myself that I did everything in my power to do what’s best for my baby.