😭😭I’m breaking down, PLEASE HELP ME
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I lost my baby almost 3 years ago at 33 weeks and I can promise you, I have been where you are right now. You are not crazy - you are just in the midst of immense grief. I can PROMISE you that your baby did not pass away due to your emotional stress in pregnancy. My consultant who works at a top hospital assured me of this. If stress effected the growth and health of a baby then no babies would survive. Babies are born in countries currently at war or to people experiencing severe domestic violence. Sadly, sometimes we have no idea what happens or why but that does not mean the cause was you. You did nothing wrong - you were and are an amazing mum!
Please forgive yourself and your husband for arguing with other and saying things you regret. We have all been there after losing our babies. My partner once came to me and said "how are you feeling?" and I screamed at him, telling him he was stupid to ask, that I would never be happy again and nothing he said or did was helping. We were both in such pain, that of course our reactions to things were not going to be as they were. You'll get through this together and forgive each other for what was said in times of utter despair. Take each day as it comes. I remember some days I was numb and the next I was hysterically crying all day. On the days that I was numb, I learnt to embrace them - watched shitty TV and tried to sit in my garden for a few minutes. I embraced the awful days too - if I needed to cry, I let myself cry.
I know it does not feel like it will ever be possible, but you won't feel this level of sadness and despair forever. I know this because I've experienced it. Over time this will get lighter and easier to carry. It will always be there, because you will always love your baby, but you will be happy again, I promise. Right now though, you are in the thick of it, and it's just about one day at a time. I'm so so sorry for your loss x
@Dominique 😭😭😭 I’ve been in bed since yesterday, crying my eyes out. I thought I was better, but it all flashes and regrets fills my whole body. My baby didn’t deserve the kind of stress that i might have put her through! Because I don’t know what else to say or how else to explain what happened. She was due next month already😭
@Amy How can I ever believe otherwise that I’m possibly not going crazy, when the absolute person I thought would be my shield from grief is the same person telling me how crazy and stupid I am right now It hurts over again. My baby was 32weeks The arguements prior to that is what’s resurfacing now and I can’t help but to remember it all again
@Amy My husband isn’t much of a consoler and I think he now feels I’m overreacting and not being peaceful. I’m going nuts and I feel so lonely right now
I can understand how difficult this is for you. I don't know where you are based but if in the UK there are amazing charities who have free helplines for those who have lost a baby. 'Sands' is a really good one and helped me so much. I'm hoping other countries have an equivalent to this also. You can share all your feelings to do with your loss and your relationship and they can help guide you. Also, please reach out to your GP or midwife, they can help connect you to services to help you cope. I don't know what your relationship with your partner was like before, but if he is also adding to your suffering (intentional or not) then reaching out to someone outside of the relationship will only help. I'm not saying that because I think you are crazy, but sometimes when you and your partner can only rely on each other and you are both in deep despair, it's nice to speak to a stranger who can give you their undivided attention x
@Amy I’m in Uk and I was given some books and numbers for Sands Charity. I think I need to talk to them. At this point, I can’t cope
@Amy
@Amy can I dm you please?
Yes of course!
@Amy thank you very much
Sending hugs to you! 🩷
@Jehan thank you very much🌹
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Everything you just described is totally normal. I was in bed for weeks, couldn’t eat couldn’t sleep. My relationship suffered because we were/ are both grieving differently. I would really recommend couples counselling. If you are in the UK I used Teddys Wish, it was free and it really helped to talk about my baby and what happened with someone objective. My baby also died with no explanation at full term, my councillor told me not to blame myself and to remember that people give birth in war zones. These people are under immense pressure and stress and so to remember that my anxiousness throughout my pregnancy is not why this happened. It’s unfair but it isn’t your fault. Sending love, please message me if you feel you need a chat. I would love to hear about your baby ❤️🩹
@Lucy 😭😭😭 No explanation makes it hurt even more!
You’re grieving right now and it’s ok not to know what to do. It’s only been a week! Please please be more patient with yourself… After 5 losses, two in the second trimester, I still have days where my emotions are all over the place. And I’ve even had my rainbow baby. And this time is so important to process properly so you can move forward in your journey to parenthood. Hang in there hon and isolate if necessary so you can be at peace while you’re going through it.