Feeling guilty
I keep letting my friend down because of my baby and I feel bad. Not sure how to reassure her or make it up to her.
We’ve been friends for over 15 years and I will be a bridesmaid at her wedding in 2 weeks time, the only non-family member. She doesnt have many friends, maybe 2 or 3 and I am her best friend. But she has a lot of family nearby. I dont have many friends but in comparison to her, I have a lot. She lives an hour away from me (more if theres traffic) and I havent been to her house in probably just under a year when I was 8 months pregnant. My little girl is 8 months today. Shes been to mine about 3 times since babys been born. I didnt want to drive to hers alone for the first few months as my car has been temperamental and I just didnt feel safe driving further than 30 mins alone with baby girl. I didnt feel safe driving at all tbh but there were times I had no choice.
I was supposed to go to hers today to help her fill some favour boxes with confetti for the wedding with some of her cousins. Her family live within a 30 minute drive from her so they all planned to get there for 7.30pm. I asked to arrive a bit earlier as realistically Id have to leave before 8.30pm to make sure baby girl gets home in time for bed (she goes to bed around 10pm and always sleeps during car journeys). However, we got home after swimming at 2pm and I had to give bubba a bath, bottle, nap. I also had to shower, eat and do a few house errands. By the time I did all that, bubba needed another bottle and I finished doing everything just after 6pm. I told her that I wouldnt be able to make it now because of the timings of everything. Id be there for an hour before having to leave.
Now shes understandably upset and I feel bad because Ive had to bail on her a few times in the past because of either things like this or just not feeling great in myself to want to leave the house. So I said this to her “I know I keep letting you down last minute like this, I am sorry, just the timings of things is difficult sometimes with baby girl. I try my best when I can, its just hard.”
Is there anything else I can do/say that wont allow opportunity for me to let her down again? I have told her it is much easier being able to make time to see her when someone else is looking after the baby but I cant always get support from my partner in that sense unless its for something important like it was her hen last week. He moaned but not to the extent of trying to get out of it.
Any advise?
It's so hard to balance friendships with baby especially when your friend is in a different life stage i.e. she does not have kids yet so it's hard for her to fully grasp what you are dealing with. First off- your osrtner is unsupportive and seems unwilling to care for his own child so that he can support you in maintaining your friendships. This needs to be adjusted in and of itself. Something my partner said to me the last time we messed with my daughters sleep schedule to go to a family event is that I'm more than a mother. I'm also a friend, a sister, a partner, a daughter, niece etc etc and that while being a mother is my most important role right now it's not my only role. I spend the majority of my life catering to my daughter so on the rare occasions that it's important to show up for the other people in my life (and myself!) That I have to make the time to show up.