Eldest daughter syndrome

Ladies, I’m 30 but so sick of still getting the eldest daughter treatment my whole life. Too much to go into detail but iykyk. It’s hard :( and always has been. I feel like my family therapist and they don’t care for me until they want something, and when I need someone no one is there. I feel like they literally do not care about me. This is going to sound stupid but I just feel like I’ve tried to be loved for so long but they’ve given up on me and pushed me away for absolutely no reason since I was like 16. They’re happy for the highlights like marriage and babies, but could care less about anything else I do or say. My dad had to have a biopsy and they told me but will not give me any details (most likely don’t have any because it takes time to come back) but anyway; they tell me “we didn’t tell your siblings bc we didn’t want them to worry or for the two younger ones to be distracted with college.” So basically you only told me because you could care less about if it gives me anxiety? And I’m a nurse. So my mom tells me, I ask questions and she gets pissed off that I asked. Genuinely idk what my parents want from me because I’ve tried my whole life and it’s just getting depressing. Can anyone relate?

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Im sorry you feel that way hun and experiencing that. Maybe they tell you because maybe they feel u can handle it better an possibly more mature.. Also maybe because you a nurse. Which at the end of the day, that being your dad, its daughter first then nurse. (U know what I mean). But I do kinda understand what u mean. Hope everything goes well with ur dad!! ❤️ Here if ya wana talk. I ges i kinda get this more from my dad than I do my mom's side of the family.

Here to chat if you need. ❤️❤️

Firstly, I’m heartbroken for you. Begging for love your whole life is soul crushing. YOU DESERVED REAL LOVE. Not perfect but not so conditional! Immediately I’m thinking manipulation and sneaky emotional abuse. That’s what their behavior says to me. Your first reaction might be like “What? No. They say ‘I love you.’ They have done A, B, and C for me.” But that’s was me about 8 months ago, and I now realize there are 2 emotional abusers in my life. They yo-yo affection.They do/say some nice stuff. But they keep you walking on eggshells and/or doing the people-pleasing tapdance in order to get CRUMBS of love. Do they tick a decent number of boxes on manipulation/emotional abuse lists? Find a long list online and check it out. Check out the different types of narcissist (neglectful, communal, covert—they can be a mix). Look at golden child/scapegoat dynamics and see if any are familiar. If they have emotional abuse characteristics, when you’re ready, go no/low contact.

Do not try to have sincere conversations with insincere people. They won’t do it, they will twist and confuse and blame you at every turn. If they’re emotionally abusive, they do not want to reach understanding and compromise. They DO NOT WANT TO EVER BE PLEASED BY YOU. Why? Because 1) if they withhold their approval and love, you strive harder and harder to get it. They benefit from the favors, the attention and care, all your over-striving. AND 2) There’s nothing they love more than feeling superior. And if that means hurting you, well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, they have no genuine empathy, so.. That was hurtful what they said about not telling the others. Hurtful. Dont gaslight yourself into thinking it wasn’t. They love to sneak in jabs that have JUST ENOUGH plausible deniability. You FEEL like they don’t care about you because they don’t. They are empty and they truly sadly do not love you any more than you love a coffee maker. 💔 I’m stuck but I hope you escape!

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