Relationship troubles

I’m 6 weeks 2 days, since finding out I’m pregnant I seem to be having huge doubts about my partner, he is a chef so he’s out working 60/70 per week I hardly ever see him, we have been together for 5 years… he gets home at 11pm every evening and sits and drinks at least 4 cans of beer and doesn’t come up to bed until 3/4am most nights. He also is a heavy smoker. Now I do love him to bits he’s not all that bad but I’m getting sick and tired of his ways and these bad habits are really getting me down, i worry about his health and I’ve expressed to him how he’s not going to be able to afford to do all this when he’s providing for us.. I often wonder what qualities our relationship has because I spent all my days off alone doing nothing, he only finds his days off the week before and most the time they clash with mine. So we literally are two ships that pass in the night! Every time I express my concerns about his habits he shuts me down saying it’s the stress of his job and that I’m always ‘having a go’ . But I honestly don’t want this environment when we have a baby I’ve always said this to him but now I’m wondering what I should do. I’m terrified of not having him in my life but at the same time I know he’s hardly going to be around anyway il be doing this solo because of the hours he works. He just won’t listen to me 😢 he thinks I’m always complaining about something and I’m never happy x

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You gotta do what’s best for you and baby at the end of the day & if he’s not willing to change his ways then I think you know your answer. But again once baby arrives he may change his ways. I had to hve a serious sit down talk with my partner about him working so much as I was struggling with our first baby pretty much all by myself and he got a new job and better hours for our family. We are currently pregnant with baby no.2 so it’s going to get even more chaotic 😂 but honestly babe only do what you feel is right for you and baby at end of the day. You don’t need the stress xx

I’m really sorry if this isn’t helpful but I just wanted to show you from the other point of view. I was a chef for years and the role is extremely stressful, every chef (bar me) took drugs or drank to get through their shift. I would come home from work and couldn’t sleep for hours after the buzz of the kitchen , it would make me wide awake and often I would have a glass of wine to help me fall asleep. I’m not saying what your partner is doing is right as your right the environment isn’t right for a baby. However, his working hard to provide for his family and when you got with him you knew what his job entailed and unfortunately cheffing is unsociable hours and a stressful role. Could you have a serious conversation with him but maybe more about the drinking after work as that’s one thing he can control, he probably finds it quite pressuring that your not happy with his job, however I’m sure that’s a big part of his life. To be continued….

Is there anyway he can look at doing a cheffing job but maybe in a cafe or somewhere that closes earlier than a restaurant, it may mean a dip in pay, is that something you can afford? Definitley tell him how you feeling but just try to make it not look like a dig and explain that you feel worried about looking after a baby on your own a lot etc. I’m sure your going to be an amazing mum and it sounds scary but your more than capable to look after your baby and I hope you have lots of family around you to help. You’ve got this!! Xx

My partner doesn't have those habits but we are also passing ships (I work Monday - Friday daytime and my partner works nights on the railway and has a Friday night off.. if we are lucky. I'm 9 weeks today and since becoming pregnant, the lack of seeing one another has really taken its toll... we had quite a big argument on Friday and now he's promised to do take some more time off and try and be there more. Its hard, as that's their job but all we want really is for them to be around. I'd suggest just sitting down and having a long chat.. map out future plans and see what he thinks life will look like after baby is born vs what you think life will look like. Sorry I have no advice at all regarding habits, but I do think having a chat (maybe not blaming him per say but rather talk about how you want the future to look like) might help xx

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