Will this end

My partner and I were together for nearly 8 years before we had our child. We've tried for years and were definitely as ready as we could be. The kid is amazing, super easy baby, awesome personality. I struggled with PPD and was medicated for about 7 or 8 months. During that period my partner and I's relationship has gone downhill. I'm not sure what's causing this. We argue here and there but usually it is just a lack of trying. We've been doing couple's therapy since June and, while it's taught us skills to communicate and connect, we aren't implementing them. We aren't rude to each other, we don't yell, we don't cheat, we don't bring another one down. We are just not connected. Will this ever end or is this my life now?

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As a person looking outside, it could be feelings of exhaustion which could lead to discontent and contempt in the relationship. Obviously I don’t know your situation but it may be good to work with your partner and therapist on building an accountability system for connecting. If you can afford to, both of you just may need to try dating intentionally again. Romance can get stale and you may need to just go outside and take a break on responsibilities and focus on each other. I hope this helps

This will pass. You are doing all the right things. Becoming parents just shift things and there's a tiny human that becomes a priority. Just keep doing what you're doing and find every chance you can foster the spark of your relationship. When you can prioritize going on dates and being intimate.

Having a baby is a HUGE adjustment to a relationship. It’s so much work having a baby. That you don’t get to put your time into your partner the same way you have for 8 years. The whole relationship changes. I don’t think my husband and I were really happy with each other the first 2 years of our daughters life. My neighbor told me the first 5 years of their daughters lives where the worse time in their marriage. I don’t really have the solutions, but it’s a thing.

As one sided as this may sound, if you haven’t already tried this, one of you has to be the one to try to rekindle things. If you’re both waiting for things to organically rekindle that can definitely happen but much harder. Maybe try to do more, put in more effort and hopefully it will start to rub off on him. Having a baby is tough but it requires a high level of intentionality on one or both sides to keep the marriage going. Don’t settle for a bleh marriage! Make fun! As my people will say ‘happy yourself, nobody will happy you’ All the best! x

@Katherine that just sounds a bit depressing, 5 years?!

Any relationship requires work to thrive. It’s hard with small children but try to connect with him again

You're both so under a lot of time pressure, probably getting poor sleep, dealing with a lot of noise and mess from your toddler, etc. Under those circumstances, it's hard to want to do anything but enjoy quiet time alone when it's possible. It's also hard to get any time to tackle anything together because one of you is always watching your kid. But, to help get back on track, pick a project that needs to get done, but work on it together rather than separately. Have your mom or mil take your kid to the zoo and work on cleaning your garage (or working on your finances, writing your wills, painting a room, seeding your lawn, building a swingset etc) together. The agreement you build working together will help you feel like you are growing toward each other rather than apart. If you don't have family help, hire a sitter. It's important!

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