Input needed: MIL going through our stuff

Hello mommas! So, I’m in a predicament where I may have to rely on my MIL to watch our son for a couple days during the holidays since his school is closed but she has a brief history of going through our belongings while babysitting which has led to me no longer asking her to watch our son without us being home. But now I am faced with possibly having her watch him again for a short time and I’m leaning towards asking a babysitter rather than her to watch him. I would like to know your thoughts on this. Read below for details. About a year ago, my MIL was watching our son at our apartment for a little date night. We were gone about 3.5 hours for dinner and a movie. We quickly found an issue with a couple of things after she left. (1) I noticed that she helped herself to my unopened dessert treats in the freezer and ate half of them without at least texting me a heads up or asking if it was ok. Mind you, we offered to order food for her and her girl friend (who was also watching our son with her) before we left and she expressed that they already ate and would be fine. (2) I noticed a stack of my husband’s baby photos that I had in my nightstand was out of order from the way I had left it (the frames were color coded) and my MIL’s hair was found in between the photos and in my nightstand. She sheds like a dog, and we also had intimate photos in that nightstand!! So, I confronted her via text asking her to not go through our personal belongings and to communicate with us about food arrangements next time. She definitely received and read the message but never responded, apologized, or refuted any of it — not even in person. She just acted like she never received it.

Show your support

Set up a nanny cam and catch her in the act. Or put up a safe and put all your really personal stuff in there?

@Kailey saw your comment and just ordered the nanny cams. We have a secure place for items but for me, it’s the principle 😅

I get that but you're stuck between a rock and a hard place it sounds like. Random Babysitter or trusted family member? I know it's annoying, hopefully your spouse didn't take on her irritating traits 😂

I think you or better yet your husband since it’s his mom needs to confront her about it in person or on a phone call. It’s so easy to pretend you didn’t see a text and pretend it never happened.

Tbh I don’t think either are a huge deal - the food thing definitely not. The going through the nightstand is invasive, but unless she weaponized seeing spicy pictures or made nasty comments I’d let it go. You told her to please respect your boundaries and she already knows your baby, so IMO it’s worth letting go of what happened for now and leaving your baby with someone you trust. If it happens again going from there.

The food thing is really petty. Especially just a special treat- yes maybe you wanted to eat it but sounds like you can buy more

I would be mad if I wasn't asked if that was my special treat. Sounds like she won't replace it so it's better to replace it or not get that when she is there so you won't have that problem. For her going through your personal belongings I would do the cameras and catch her in the act. She has crossed your boundaries and especially if your showing your body parts in those photos because it's for you and your husband to see not others being noisy

If this is unpaid babysitting, I’m not sure how much ground you have to stand on moving forward. You’ve already told her not to go through your things, and it sounds like you implied your displeasure that she ate food without asking (although your wording is unclear). It’s rude of her to ignore your message(s) and inappropriate of her to go through your things…but it’s also kind of rude if you are assuming that she is available and willing to do unpaid labor whenever you need it. If you don’t like having her unsupervised in your home, then pay a babysitter until you can have a neutral conversation with her in person that doesn’t involve you asking for her to babysit.

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌