Friends with “naughty” children?

Tbh, I don't bring my kids around friends kids that are badly behaved. I make plans with just the mum.

Yeah I’d be distancing myself from their child as mean as it sounds. I wouldn’t want my son around a child that badly behaved for them to pick up on it. I don’t think I’d be able to have that conversation with someone else about their own child so I wouldn’t really see any other option than to distance myself.

I think it’s very easy to say a child is ‘badly behaved. I don’t want it to rub off on my child, they don’t parent properly’ etc. especially when you have young children 😃. I’ve worked in child therapy and pretty much every parent has at one point said ‘I never thought I would be like this or my child would’. Parents are just trying their best with the information they know. I personally think it’s being an awful friend to cut her off over this, do you not value your friendships ? The likelihood of his behaviour rubbing off on your child if you parent differently, have a good connection with your child that is of mutual respect and not a ‘parent- child hierarchy’ is very minimal.

@Amelia I worked in a nursery for 3 years and have been around many children in my life due to having a massive family. I’m not saying she’s not trying, I’m also not saying I’m going to cut her off. But I agree with the first two comments that my child maybe shouldn’t be around my friend’s son too much. Even as grown adults if you mix with the wrong crowd you can start to pick up their characteristics so there’s no denying that children, who are lot more impressionable, definitely can. I value my friendships but I value my child 10000% more.

I had the same issue (with a family member) And I made it clear I wasn’t having my child around there’s, my lo was only 4 months the first time but i said if it didn’t change I wouldn’t be going away with them etc each year as she’d then be able to copy. But this behaviour was horrendous and they found it more funny than embarrassing so I thought it was their issue if they lost people around them.

It depends on how much you really want to keep her friendship...? Children picking up on behaviours depends on their own character, some children inherently know they shouldn't do something and wouldn't dare, others have more confidence to misbehave or just can't discern. I wouldn't stop seeing her, but for some time I would try to meet her when their child is at school or I would hang out with them by myself without my child and see how it goes. In all these meet ups you can ask her how her son is doing at school or with other friends. From there see if there is any progress. Some children change a lot in months or a year. Others are trouble for life. If the latter, very commonly there is an underlying condition or very awful parenting. You know your friends, how is their parenting?

Hey mama, it’s completely understandable that this situation is weighing on you, Young children are incredibly impressionable, and it’s natural to feel concerned about how certain behaviors might influence your little one as he grows. it’s wise to be mindful and selective about how often your child is around your friend’s child, especially as your baby gets older and starts observing and mimicking behaviors. You’re not being judgmental or unkind—your priority is your child’s development and ensuring he is surrounded by positive influences. maintaining the friendship doesn’t necessarily mean frequent playdates or visits. You can continue to maintain your connection with your friend in other ways, like spending time together when her child is at school or arranging outings without the kids. If you do spend time together with both children, it’s okay to set boundaries in your own home, like calmly but firmly addressing behaviors like throwing pillows or running off.

A lot can change over time, and your friend’s parenting approach may evolve too. Until then, trust your instincts and do what feels right for your family—protecting your child’s environment doesn’t mean you care any less about your friend or her little one. children learn off each other, i don’t think there’s any doubt about it

It’s a tough one because we have friends whose son is very pushy and handsy because his dad likes to wrestle with him .. My son 3 who’s currently under assessment for being on the spectrum used to be the kid who would be pushed about and since starting nursery and having a younger brother has really struggled to adapt and has acted out a lot . I’d be quite heartbroken if my friends stopped being friends with me because of a rough patch and I’ll hold my hands up and say when your in the trenches you pick your battles and I’ve said yes to things when I probably shouldn’t have . I guess it also depends how long you’ve known this friend and her child’s behaviour.. but I’ve known habits or things I’ve been petrified my son would pick up on and he quite frankly knows better ! I think the age gap honestly I wouldn’t worry about it if he isn’t hurting your child or being aggressive towards them ☺️

Not stopped being friends but stopped spending time with us should I say *

My partners niece is very much like this, my son started picking up on her bad habits and we instantly nipped it in the bud and stopped seeing her, my partners mum said the niece has ‘ADHD’ she doesn’t at all she has had no boundaries ever and runs riots, we saw her last Christmas and it was hell on earth despite everyone saying she’s got better behaved, she hasn’t, we just simply don’t mix with them, I do put a lot of it down to jealousy I felt awful telling her off but I wasn’t going to sit by and watch her hit my son with her parents not getting involved x

My husband and I have friends we haven't hung out with in a little over two years because we parent so differently and have such different ideas of what is and is not appropriate. Our child was getting old enough to mimic their behavior, and I put a stop to it. Not long after that, I ended up hearing from another mutual friend that one of the kids had gotten in huge trouble at school for hitting his teacher. 🙈 Needless to say, I don't regret cutting contact.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. Honestly I did feel terrible at first even making this post but you’ve all made me realise that’s it’s actually nothing to feel bad about. Not wanting my son to pick up other people’s bad habits doesn’t make me a bad person! May I also add, I stated the age difference to make a point that my LO is currently too young to pick up any bad habits. In no way do I feel like my friends son would hurt my LO! To answer the question about my friend’s parenting, she’s not a “bad” parent per se, but just a lot more lenient than I personally think she should be, and I think her son knows this. I will not be cutting my friend (or her son) off but I have decided I’ll probably be trying to meet up with her more during school hours, or better yet when we’re BOTH child free. Thanks again guys!!❤️❤️