I dealt with something similar on my daughters birthday not to long ago. My son (who’s 7) was extremely upset that he wasn’t getting the attention my daughter was getting. I believe next year on her birthday I might have to send him with my grandparents just so he doesn’t feel left out and upset
Don't see a party as a way of testing his self-control. (And I'm not saying you did) At least a month before the party, prepare him by talking about her birthday and how everyone gets a special day, and his is coming up as well as his sister's. As you're talking, help him visualise what good behaviour at his sister's will look like and remind him he'll get his turn. Perhaps he can help with planning/facilitating the party e.g. handing out the cake I'm not sure about him getting a present but see what others think
This jealousy can be normal even without an adhd diagnosis!
The jealousy over a siblings birthday is normal behaviour however this is more of an extreme reaction. My eldest who has asd will often walk out the room as he can’t cope with it whereas my nt daughter will be more upset. It’s too late now but maybe remember next year and put plans in place so it’s more manageable for him.