Fed up, venting

My partner just told me he’s fed up with me and is going to cheat on me. He’s not happy with me. He said he’s been trying to change me for the better and I don’t listen to him for the last 2 yrs. Is he right? Yes for the most part. I do, do things my way, when he suggests doing things another way, even tho my way doesn’t always work. I say he’s always nagging me on every lil thing, which causes me to have an attitude with him all the time. He’s always on top of me about my attitude, the way I speak, the way I do things, the way I think. When he questions me on why I did what I did, where it’s stemming from, I get so angry. Every thing just comes back around and it always me. Some days I might do what he suggests but then the next day I will do it my way and he will say you didn’t listen or I reverted back to my ways. I either shut down or yell when he’s holding me accountable. I tell him I should see a specialist but he says all I have to do is apply what is being said and do it, there’s nothing that needs to be thought about. If you want change you would just change. I would like for this to work for our kid sake but we are both fed up with each other. Part of me feels like I’m the problem and I’m working to fix it. I’ve been on my own since I was 15 so I believe I’ve come a long way from my 20s. But to him I’m still the same and nothing has changed. I don’t know what to do. I’ve research what’s wrong with me and I’ve come across things like ADHD and RSD and maybe even bipolar disorder. I remember a guy I was dating in my 20s told me I would be alone forever and I’m starting to believe I will be. I’m not sure what else to do anymore. Should I just be a yes man and see how that works out? Or should we just end it and go our separate ways?

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This sounds ALOT like my situation. Except he hasn’t said he would cheat on me but he has told me not to be surprised if one day he just leaves. But then he apologizes when things are going better. Please msg me . I’d love to chat with you.

@Joanna he’s said one day I’ll wake up and he’ll be gone, except today. Today was the first time he said he’s going to cheat on me. Idk how to feel.

Yeah that’s rough. That’s is not a nice thing to say. I’m sure it’s just out of frustration. I did better on medication for adhd but then I got pregnant again and stopped it. I’m struggling again but he is not as harsh on me now since the pregnancy. But I’m afraid once I give birth he will have all these expectations of me that I can’t live up too. I have been trying to look up ways to help myself naturally because I know that a lot of it has to do with me. But also his lack of support doesn’t help anything get better.

Definitely can relate just not the cheating part tho mine just not going for that shit or giving up on working on me because I’m what he wants & I can’t lie he’s what I want so they will to change can happen but at the same time a therapist is a good thing bcux u probably not even intentionally tryna continue doing things ur way that’s just probably what your used too & he not tryna find a different approach to work with you on it💯

This reminds me of my situation except my partner has never tried to control me by telling me how to act or said he would cheat on me. I have put up with what I consider unacceptable behavior from him though so I do not come from a place of judgement. This dynamic is incredibly hard to navigate. It sounds like you have an insecure attachment style, and your relationship dynamic is not healthy. His expectation that you should just change because he says so is incredibly unreasonable, you are right to recognize that you should see a specialist but I don’t say this to suggest that you are the problem. You are not. You need to work together with a therapist to repair your relationship, and if he’s unwilling to put in the work or recognize his role in this, you have to decide if you’re willing to accept that and if this is the kind of relationship you want to model for your kids.

Can I just say this, my husband has adhd bad. I’ve never tried to change him. If his life is difficult for him he seeks change (ie meds or therapy) but it’s not my job to control how he does things. If you think you have adhd just trying to change is not going to do anything because your brain is literally different than a neurotypical person. That’s why medication for adhd exists and why there are specific therapies for adhd. Also just so you know if you struggle with receiving criticism that is 100% the ADHD. It’s actually a very common symptom. I think being in a relationship is finding ways to accept but meet in grace. Like I know it causes him physical agony when I say things critically so often times it’s just easier to do things the way I like and not involve him. But he sees me doing things by myself and wants to help so he receives instructions more easily than criticism.

When he says apply what he says and do it, is he telling you to do the dishes a different way? Or is it more the way communication is done? Those were just the first things to come to mind, but could be so different in his views of you and the way to work towards healing together

He doesn’t want to control me it’s more of he wants me to do better for myself and I want that for myself as well. My communication is horrible..when he criticizes me or holds me accountable I get upset cause I feel attacked and I flip out on him. And he says he’s not trying to attack me just wants me to do better. So he feels misunderstood and I feel misunderstood and it’s goes like back and forth from that

Yes girl I understand 100% . I’d recommend seeing a specialist and a therapist. The right therapist can help a lot!

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