AITA?
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Girl…….. 😀 No you are not the asshole! If it were me I would’ve called off the wedding tbh. He literally cheated on you?? And paid for it?? And his friends were all in on it?? Nooooo absolutely not. I’m so sorry:(
I mean, nta for feeling how you do. it sounds like it's something that he regrets doing, not just because you found out about it but because it hurt you and you felt disrespected. it's up to you whether you'd consider it cheating but if you've gone ahead with the wedding, and he's trying his best to make amends and better himself, then it's also up to you to try and work through it yourself. which is easier said than done, of course, but as long as it's something you're working towards and not just constantly holding it over his head, then that's all you can really do. it's hard to change your feelings about such a thing.
as far as his friends, you don't have to have a reason to not get along with them tbh. are they consistently bad influences? I think that they just took the "she shouldn't be so upset" approach because they are trying to minimize your emotions because they weren't expecting such pushback from you OR him, so of course they're gonna jump to the defense that you're just overreacting. as long as your partner has your back then I wouldn't even fw those friends anymore.
Is a private dance where they just dance without anybody watching or is it actually touching? I would not call it cheating if it was a dance but if touching yes i would. Even if it was just a private dance its down right disrespectful and over stepping the mark. He knew that & thats why he didnt fess up. Its up to the lady posting but if it was me & he genuinelly regretted it & felt so bad i think i would just try to move past it but thats just me
i think feeling upset/disappointed is valid but it’s definitely not worth calling off a wedding (in response to above). in my opinion he didn’t cheat, it was something new he’d never done and by the sound of it will never do again. maybe the involuntary disclosure makes it worse sure. but his friends are his friends and while it’s courteous of them to consider you, it’s ultimately his responsibility to be mindful of you so don’t resent them. i also wouldn’t make so big of a todo that your husband stops hanging out with his friends bc that is a recipe for disaster. feel how you feel! but i wouldn’t act on it
No, I'd be upset too. Have you been able to have a good talk about your feelings? You will feel better over time, remember to love yourself 🩷🩷🫂🫂
I think it would be worse if he didn’t tell u at least he came forward and told u what happened. It would be more upsetting if u didn’t trust him and he did that. What would annoy me is the second dance that he paid for. I took my fiancé to a strip club as we both never been and his friend paid for him to have a private dance and then he paid for me to have one too and we both were happy. I trust my man so even if he went without me it would be fine
@Julianna right!? I don’t get the fact it’s paid for means it’s okay or not cheating… it’s still a naked woman sexually exciting your husband in real life... She’s still a real person outside of work, someone’s friend/daughter/neighbour..would they let him pop next door one evening for a dance off sally the stripper as long as he paid for it?? 🤯
(No offence to strippers btw - do you 💃🏻 I just don’t think it’s appropriate unless your single, as I don’t think any man in a relationship should be purposefully lusting over any other woman in any form - do it when your single)
@Ellis Exactly!! The fact that he spent their money on it so close to their wedding, when they’re probably already a little tight on funds (bc of the wedding), makes it worse tbh. Sometimes the universe gives you signs before a big decision😅 If he did that right before marrying the supposed love of his life, what else has he done? That’s a bigggg no from me
@Monika He only told her bc she asked tho… And she said that she had to pry to get any details or real information. Idk seems very sneaky to me.
@Julianna I don’t get the whole it’s okay cos it’s their stag do, ‘one last night of fun’ as if you haven’t been in a apparently ‘committed’ for probably years already not letting women rub their bodies on you but right before you take the biggest commitment to someone in every way is the time to go do it!? Just a made up excuse by men to have their cake and eat it as usual and it’s now conditioned into being ‘normal’ 😫 To the original poster though I can appreciate its a hard decision right before your wedding and if it’s something you can move past then good for you, but I definitely don’t think your an arsehole for being pissed off to any degree 🫶🏼
@Ellis I agree. I don't see why anyone needs one last night of fun. You already made a commitment to one another. If you need that, you should probably just stay single.
I couldn’t get married after that maybe just me but getting danced on sexually by another woman on your bachelor party? Then paying for another? Nuhuh. But my opinion aside, you’re definitely not the asshole, they hurt you even if it was unintentional. It’s totally upto you how you feel and heal however long even if you can’t. Your feelings are valid after being hurt
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Never the asshole for feeling how you feel Mama and don't let anyone invalidate your feelings as they are legit. I got married nearly two weeks ago and if my now husband had of pulled that shit of his own accord, then I'd be pissed too, because I know if the shoe had been on the other foot, then he would've been valid in how he felt. He has toxic friends in them two sadly. As for your now husband, he's trying and has validated your feelings and publicly so. You're expecting a welcome addition to your family and it would be a shame to let this get in the way. He knows what he did, has said he was wrong, apologise profusely, and publicly said he shouldn't have done it. I would chalk it up to frat boy behaviour and peer pressure from his friends after alcohol. If he treats you well and he's looking forward to being there as your husband and a father, then maybe forgive him but never forget it. But you're absolutely NTA Mama.. and Welcome to the Marriage club ❤️
If it was me i would NOT be ok with a private dance,i feel thats disrespectful..different to go to a strip club with mates on a stag do thats standard...i mean i wouldnt like it but wouldnt say he couldnt or anything but a private dance..yep i would be upset about that. Was it peer pressure his mates egging him on or just a stupid moment who knows. I mean he didnt actually come clean but in his head he knew if u asked him outright he wouldnt lie. He could of lied and said no wild moments so i guess thats something Main thing is he felt guilty and wouldnt do it again..will take time to forgive and forget if it was me. As long as u love eachother and no actual cheating maybe move past it. As for the friends tricky one but lifes too short to do shit u dont want to do.