I feel like a failure…

I am so ashamed to post this it’s why I have posted as incognito but I need all your advices because I feel guilty every morning doing this to my baby. I feel really guilty at the fact that I always give my baby mashed up food because I am SO petrified of him chocking on food that’s just been cut up in small pieces and I don’t know how to get past this and just let him take control as in just put the food on the plate and let him dig at it and throw it in his mouth without me interfering if needed be. I feel like I have failed my child because he doesn’t know how to chew properly, he chews like once or twice and then straight away swallows which then I feel like he’s choking and I start having panic attack. I have no one to assist me with this and I can’t get past this. Don’t get me wrong my baby boy has really nutritious foods that I make him, he has his 5 a day but I always blend it up because I am too frightened to give it him chopped up in bits. He is 18 months old and I don’t know who to talk to about this because I’m afraid I will be judged and called a bad mother. Have I failed him? I need help please, it breaks my heart seeing all these other babies just picking up their food and eating normally whereas my baby has mashed food every time because of the problem and fear that lies within me. I have tried before to just let him eat on his own but he always gags and coughs and I’ve been on the verge of a straight panic attack with my heart beating out of my chest and crying. I just can’t do it. Please give me advise. I feel the worst. Please no judgement, like I have said my baby eats good nutrional food, it’s just always in a blended form. Tia .. x

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You haven’t failed him. He’s happy and healthy. So don’t ever think that. Do you have a health visitor or a family hub you can go to? They can give you advice and support? I am dreading starting weaning for this exact reason so you’re not alone x

You need to attend a first aid class, this will give you more confidence that you would know what to do IF he ever choked. Remember gagging is normal. You need to act though as you don't want to give him an aversion to bumpier formed food. Well done for knowing you need to change x

Are you a uk mum? Have a look at daisy first aid, it was amazing and made me feel really confident with things like weaning. You have NOT failed him at all, he’s happy, he’s fed and he’s healthy xxx

Read the book how to wean your baby by Charlotte Stirling Reed and do a first aid course for babies

You've not failed at all. Your LO may be a little behind with eating solids but he's had good healthy food and clearly lots of love from you too. I also had huge anxiety around introducing solid food (probably not quite as severe as yours but it was definitely an issue for me too) but my son refused mashed or pureed food from around 8 months and would cry and cry to have what I was having so I felt like I had no choice but to switch. I found a Facebook group which helped educate me loads and I found as I became more educated I started feeling less afraid. 2 things that helped me the most was as has been said above about doing a first aid course so you know what to do and how to react if worst case he did choke and also getting educated on gagging vs choking and exactly what is normal and safe for a baby/toddler, for example their gag reflex is much further forward than ours so it is common and safe for babes to gag or cough as they learn how big of a bite to take and how to move the food around their mouth

Ran out of space lol but just wanted to add its not something I tried but have heard of which might help you and babe is mouth mapping I think it's called and might be worth looking in to and definitely don't be afraid to reach out for support. You've got this! Just try to take small steps that are manageable for you both and you'll soon be on the way! Also feel free to dm if you'd like to chat any more on it ❤️

The solid starts app is really great!

It's so normal to be worried about choking as a first time mum especially. You can start with chunky purees, just don't blend the food as much as you normally would. Gagging is normal and helps baby learn how much to put in their mouth and that they need to chew before swallowing. You're not a failure or a bad mum for being worried, but if you never give him actual foods he won't learn to eat normally which can cause issues as he grows since he's not been exposed to proper solid foods.

Hey girls, I have only just read all your comments and I would just like to say to you all thank you for the reassurance and to know how supportive and not judgmental you guys are means the world to me. I will take on each of your advices, thank you girls, literally your replies have brought tears to my eyes. Love to you all 💗

I wouldn't stress over being judged. Tell your pediatrician so they can help you get the resources you need to get comfortable. Take a first aid class. Get the Solid Starts app. The whole idea behind baby led weaning is letting your baby lead the process so you'll give him more things as you both get comfortable so start with easy foods and you'll both grow together as he learns!

Go on solid starts and read!

You’re doing great. Teething crackers and long foods that dissolve like thicker pretzel twist sticks were easier for me to start with because I knew she could start chewing and gnawing without choking.

Buy a LifeVac

@Emily second this!

I was supper anxious about this too. I purchased a lifevac choking first aid device and keep it in his diaper bag. It is with us at all times. It really helped take of the edge

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