Is this emotional abuse?

I've been with my partner for five years and we have a 4 year old daughter. Our relationship has been very up and down for a long time. He overcame a gambling addiction but still lies to me about his finances which I find very triggering. He runs his own business and works away frequently and we have little in the way of extended family support. We used to argue a lot and things could get very nasty calling each other names etc. I went and got my own therapy and have made a conscious effort to become less reactive and work through some of my own anger but his anger is ever present and seems to be escalating. We recently moved house and have started renovating which has been stressful. I found out that he extended a credit card and was in his overdraft without telling me yesterday so we had a row and I called him a moron and said that he fritters his money away on expensive coffee and beer. He got very angry at this and called me a horrible bitch and then said 'im going to show you what I bought you" he then went upstairs, got an advent calendar that he'd bought me as a surprise and jumped all over it and destroyed it in front of me. I was honestly just numb and shocked but tried to pretend i wasn't scared. I actually took photos because I felt like it things escalated i would need some evidence. He says that this was not abusive and this was just him doing something 'silly' to show me that he does spend money on things for me and not just himself as I was saying. I can't really tell if I'm over reacting but this did feel like a really big red flag to me. Can anyone shed any light? He has agreed to go back to couples therapy but won't seek his own for anger management. Thank you in advance. Of note, my daughter was in bed asleep when this happened and didn't witness any of it.

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Nope. Destruction of a gift. He absolutely destroyed that gift to pumish you and he knows it.

Definitely abuse. Emotional abuse and possibly financial abuse as well. Definitely not overreacting. And if won’t see a therapist on his own but just couples therapy gives me the idea he will do it for a minute and when he is told he needs to change his ways he will stop going. He sounds like the type that will go into couples therapy and tell them how you do so much wrong and he will justify his actions like he had been. What he did was far from silly it’s on the edge of violence in my book. And I would have been very scared. This won’t be the end of his tantrums and you don’t want your kid to pick up on this. There might be a time where your kid isn’t asleep. Or is woken up by him throwing a tantrum. I would leave.

Name calling - verbal abuse Credit card issue - financial abuse Stepping on your present - emotional abuse You’re not overreacting. Has he ever yelled and screamed at you? I think you’re doing the right thing to collect evidence - slowly start documenting if you’re making a plan to leave The only way I can ever see anything improving here is if he gets his individual therapy as you are to work on the anger management Otherwise, maybe this is not the best environment to be exposing yourself or your daughter to

I wouldn't say that's abuse I'd say that was a childish act of frustration. You pointed out that he wasted his money so he showed you that he bought you something and that was wasting his money as his now destroyed it . Could it be that you both went into that situation hot headed and tensions were high and he massively over reacted. Maybe his stressed about finances and it was a very touchy subject for him because of that.

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