Should I trust my gut or am I over reacting?

My LO is 21 months, and I started her in nursery as I thought it would be good for her. She has developmental delay, and it's been suggested she may need an autism assessment as she only recently started walking and still unsteady on her feet. She has no understanding not even who Mom and Dad are or what anything is and doesn't speak, she doesn't cope well around other children and just ignores them and plays alone and if they come near she screams and runs away. She has obsessions with tags/labels rather than the toy teddy or blanket. She won't eat much food to the point I don't even know what to feed her most days, so I thought nursery a few hours over a couple of days may help. Day 1, she went in ok, walked off and played with dinosaurs, and didn't look back. I walked through with her to the room, which was at the end and through two other rooms. Day 2, they took her at the door and never explained why. Again, she went in ok but pulled a shocked face at the lady as she shut the door, and it was cute. I went to get her early, less than an hour later and they didn't come to the door to me but noticed me and walked off then the lady blocked my view standing in the doorway of her room and was taking a while. They then bought my daughter through n she was sobbing n it seemed at first like a sob of shes just hurt herself kind of cry and I noticed it was a different cry like a couple of sobbing sounds and an odd twitch I'd never seen before. I said aww has she fallen or something? Is she ok?" The lady goes "she cry and unsettled the whole time." ok, bye, shuts the door in my face. I rang the bell they didn't come back, and then I left, and she still did this twitch thing. She wasn't happy to see me and dad was in the car and she's a clingy happy daddy's girl and she just looked out the window and ignored him and the twitched continued for a while after. Then, back home, she wouldn't play, eat, or be her normal self. Then, eventually, projectile vomited, and she never gets sick and was unsettled all night. I said it's made me feel really uncomfortable and I haven't had this experience with any of my other children and they went nursery some younger than her. I now have changed my view and don't want her to go at all until she can talk and is much older. Am I overthinking?

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I don’t think you’re overthinking. The way they acted is strange

The fact they’re shutting the door on your is concerning to me, like, just have a conversation with you about your daughter? The twitching could be as a result of separation and anxiety but I’m no child psychologist. My son was upset for a few weeks at drop off so that’s quite normal to go through, then they settle in (assuming they’re happy). Can you sit down and have a conversation with the nursery staff about what’s happening? Good nursery’s work with parents. However, never ignore your gut feeling. It’s everything and you’re your child’s advocate at all times until they can speak and have a much greater understanding of the world xxxx

I would speak to the manager, no matter what time I get my little one they always speak to me for a couple of minutes about his day. Thats just so rude x

This is definitely not ok. I would ask to have a conversation with the manager and still even take this further. Something is not right the way they are acting. They should always update you on what they did throughout the day, how she ate ect even if it’s for a few minutes. Seems to me like your child feels uncomfortable going there. I would get to the bottom of it immediately and not send her there until this has all been spoken about.

I have both my kids in daycare and I would be super weirded out and upset if they shut the door on me. Ours has baby gates at the door parents don’t enter the room for safety concerns but I can see into the room and they always talk to me at the gate.

I emailed the nursery manager yesterday, and there no response, but something was really off. I also expected some kind of chat and update, especially since they didn't look busy and no other parents were there or waiting yet

That's very unsettling even reading that! Her blocking your view also and not coming back when you've rang the doorbell? I wouldn't even bother with the emailing as it's east to ignore, I'd go down there and set up a meeting to speak in person. I always go with my gut and you seem like the type of person to also, if you're feeling uneasy about her going there please do not send her there, you're the voice for her. I hope you get to the bottom of this!

I think you're right and you should keep her home. For a variety of reasons including it not being beneficial for her right now and the nursery being weird. Vomiting is probably viral though. Nursery is full of bugs.

My son is nearly 3 and is autistic it can be beneficial for them to go nursery. It took my son about 2 months to settle and now he likes it (he’s also non verbal) he has a key worker and a sen to update me about things regularly and are working towards him getting his ehcp so he can go to a school where he will be best supported. This nursery your little girl goes to doesn’t sound helpful at all and the last thing you want is her being ignored because she could be autistic. I would express your concerns to the manager and if nothing changes maybe switch her to somewhere that will help her along her way

I work in childcare, and this alarms me. Email again, ring, and go above the directors heads. If you don't get answers you are comfortable with, then report the centre. Ask to see CCTV footage of the hour she was there. I've had numerous kids with separation anxiety, and we have always been open and welcoming to the families in an effort to help the children with their anxiety. I hope you and your little girl are ok x

The nursery is giving bad vibes I wouldn’t want to take my child back there sorry :(

GO TO EMERGENCY ROOM NOW. This sounds like a head injury and needs to be assessed by a doctor. Also never take her back and get her an assessment through her pediatrician ASAP. The earlier the intervention the better.

I’m really worried about her. Please act with urgency and please keep us posted

I work in a nursery and I understand that we encourage parents not to hang around and just to let their child go, but his is just plain rude, we’d never do that to a parent! I would take her out and speak to your hv for advice as she’s so young I don’t think you’d even get a diagnosis at this age. I hope your little girl will be okay! But I agree also to get her checked and I would call depending to know if something had happened why she’s suddenly acting off/ sick it could just be the stress on her/ separation but it wasn’t her first day x

Not overthinking at all.

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I would be taking her to be checked out. What you described sounds to me (who has 0 medical training and only my own experiences to go on) like a concussion. Please at least go get her evaluated. You are not overthinking. The daycare workers were acting super suspicious, and your daughter acting so far out of the normal is not a good sign. Please focus on her first, and then go hard after the daycare once you know shes okay.

I second this and I’m a registered nurse, the vomiting and the seizure like activity she might have a bleed you gotta get her in ASAP please

Not overthinking. Too weird. They should not have acted weird like that and I’m so sorry your daughter was upset and having unusual behavior. Even if it’s a coincidence that she vomited, I don’t like the way the stafff acted.

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