Am I being unreasonable?

So did he stop using/paying for OF and is just getting free teasers and ads on IG? If he followed through on quitting OF, I'd take some time to try and have a calm conversation about things. Because in his mind, if your problem was him paying for content, and he's not paying for anything, he probably doesn't see the big deal. But that's just if I'm understanding correctly.

@Raqi I don't know if he has, he told me he would but I havent seen any proof that he has stopped using OF. I have tried to speak to him about how it makes me uncomfortable with him still looking at these girls on IG but he just gets annoyed and the last time was when he mentioned taking ages to unfollow people....

Your feelings are definitely valid and he’s not respecting your boundaries either. What might be ok for one person isn’t ok for another. It doesn’t bother me my husband looking but I’d be a bit like why are you wasting your money when there’s so much free on the internet 🫣

Is he replying to the messages? Bc those girls do just send messages out like ads. Not trying to make excuses for him, just saying. I get why you’re upset and I probably would be too. But tbh, it really doesn’t matter if he’s following these women or not, there is plenty of public content. So him going through the trouble of unfollowing these girls isn’t really going to solve the root of the problem which is him looking at other women in a way that feels disrespectful to you. It seems like he’s trying to downplay that part which is bogus. My advice was going to be to tell him how you feel uncomfortable/disrespected but it looks like you did that already so idk what else to say

@Carmen I'm unsure if he replies, yeah ive seen they send stuff out just aren't sure what he does with the information he gets given. I hate looking at his phone so I've only seen all of this evidence from him showing me like silly videos or whatever and they pop up on his notifications or when he's next to me and I can see him glaring at a girl on his screen. The OF thing I discovered when he went to show me something on his browser and he left the tab open on OF. Thank you for your comment 🙏

@Siobhan yeah there's loads of free content online, I think I may be perhaps jealous of the time he dedicates to these women and not me perhaps as well as generally feeling uneasy with him glaring at other women. I've been cheated on in the past so I dunno if it's deep rooted in me now to be paranoid 😅

Oh absolutely not. To me this is a form of cheating (obviously not everyone will feel the same). He wouldn’t like it if you were doing the same, the fact you’ve asked him to stop already before should’ve been enough. He’s clearly not respectful to your feelings, you should be more blunt and tell him it needs to be done right here right now

@Rosie even if it’s an insecurity for you as your partner he should be squashing anything to make you feel that way. So if he isn’t of course it’s going to heighten those feelings.

@Rosie well.. takes less time than the time he spent finding them, looking through their page and deciding to follow them in the first place.. 🙄 sounds like a him problem 🤣

@Rosie I don’t think you should blame previous cheating on why you feel like this. It’s disrespectful end of. Don’t blame yourself for feeling a way about it! 🫶🏼

I would be pissed because the money he's using to subscribe to OF could be going towards something more productive like his family, bills, or savings for his little one's future.

I would sit down with him and help him clear out all of his social media. My policy in my relationship is we don’t follow anyone on any social media if we have no reason to follow them other than they are attractive. Openly following porn is so weird to me. Is this a private account or everyone can click on it and see he follows OF girls?

How long have you been together now? I feel like if he's doing this stuff at the start of the relationship things will only get worse

Sorry I accidentally clicked “no You are being unreasonable” i meant to click “I would feel the same”! Sorry this is happening to you.

I had a similar experience with my husband, when my husband was acting weird and shady, I was a bit worried to what might have been the problem, later I notice he grins at his phone and when I ask, he tries to cover it up with lies, this made me resort to the use of tech expert who could get into his phone, I was recommended to nineplanethacker on gmail, for phone hack and access service. The brilliant mind behind the aforementioned email address delivered extremely awesome and I was able to have access to my husband social media apps from my phone remotely and caught his lying Azz, he kept begging me now and i don't know what to do after all the evidence i have.......

@Dana 🦅♥️🤍💙 I love your energy 🤩🤩🤩

Thank you everyone this has really helped 💗

It's disrespectful entirely. Stand your ground. Why are you not enough for him? You should tell him it you or everyone else he can't have both

@Joyce Thanks girl! I get so much hate from some of the women on here for my relationship policies but 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s been working for us for 15 years.

he is putting himself first ahead of you and your feelings. I actually had this same conversation with my husband and he understood well where I was coming from and did the changes I asked to delete the photos from his phone and he did go through the list of girls he followed and unfollowed them. If your other half is having an issue with this, and even goes so far as to argue about it, it sounds more like he has other secrets, at least to me it does. I don’t have an issue with my husband watching porn, I just don’t care. But saving photos of women you literally can’t even look like, and multiples of the same person, tells you a lot about him. You should tell him that this is a subject you’re not taking your foot off of because not only is it super disrespectful of him, it means that his porn addiction is more important to him than your feelings.

i would actually leave my partner and he knows this!!! it means he isn’t happy with you or your body, and he doesn’t love or respect you otherwise he wouldn’t even be looking at that stuff let alone PAYING FOR IT. that’s truly disgusting and i feel so sorry for you, im surprised your not more mad tbh as i would crash out

@Rosie so he’s clearly hiding it because he knows it’s wrong. red flag. definitely cheating.

Not being unreasonable at all, why pay for it, really? Is it necessary…. And to take it to Instagram too…. Weird behaviour in my opinion. You have every right to feel reassured and want to feel needed by your other half, particularly in PP!! If something is making you feel uncomfortable you are allowed to say and if nothing changes you are allowed to say again! Until you notice any changes you keep mentioning what’s bothering you! X

If my husband would be on OF he will be immediately kicked out from the house. This is disgusting and so disrespectful.

This is so disrespectful of him.

No idea what others have said, and some probable will highly disagree with me…. but to me it’d classify as cheating because you voiced it’s making you uncomfortable, and it sounds like a porn addiction.

Honestly a man that takes his phone in the bathroom or hides it from u . Is a big red flag

@Rosie ugh this is a prime example of why I always say if there’s something to see, it will fall into your lap! You don’t always have to go looking. I also caught my then boyfriend (now husband) liking pics on Ig of artists he worked with while I was pregnant and I told him I didn’t like it and it’s embarrassing for me to have my man looking thirsty when they all know I’m gone big and pregnant. I’ve never seen him do it again. It should be just that simple whether he thinks you’re being insecure or not. And the absolute LEAST he could do is unfollow the women as they message him. There’s absolutely no reason he doesn’t immediately hit unfollow or even block. I don’t like telling ppl to break up over 1 problem……but if it were me I don’t think I could deal with that

Girl I’m so sorry this is happening to you!!! (Also sorry I’m late to the party.. a week late) This happened to me and my partner but difference is we had split up but when I found the transactions I felt disgusted that he had to turn to those type of girls? Clearly I wasn’t good enough, didn’t look like they did etc. (baring in mind this was before a child and he had moved back home…nonetheless still made me sick to think he had to stoop that low and go and pay money for god knows what) But that was all squashed as he unsubscribed and never went back on it again. I really hope something works out between you two and has picked up since this post🤞🏼🥰 but 100% you’re not in the wrong for feeling that way especially when he doesn’t show you any type of affection anymore.. like that’s a major red flag!