How to get through the wait for the post mortem?

We decided not to have a postmortem so are just awaiting results from the placenta and cord. Don't blame yourself. Nothing will ever come back to say "mum didn't do xyz". I got into a rut of blaming myself at first. I even held my daughter at the funeral directors the other day and blamed her for not trying harder 🥺! Now I'm in the mindset of it's the hospital's fault and I'm putting my all into blaming them. But honestly, blaming doesn't change anything. The pain is still the same ♥️! How long in your area does it take for the results? Here it's 6 months including for the placenta results too! I do hope if they find something it's something that they can prep and plan for, for any future pregnancys you will have ♥️♥️ xx

I'm so conflicted because they did all the extra tests, bloods and scans and everything was always fine. Baby had a funny heartbeat for a short time at an apt and they kept me in for monitoring for hours on ctg and it was also fine. So they technically did cross all the T's and dot all the I's.... and sometimes, surely things just happen? But then equally, how could something like this happen? It's all so awful. I was told 3-4 months, but have seen most people are told that and then wait longer... who knows. Would love to get pregnant again, but then it's terrifying as what if there's more to it, or something else we are unaware of. I'm not sure i can wait for PM results before ttc. I can't believe it's 6 months for your placenta results! That seems so long?! X

I had the same. Extra tests and bloods. I was even admitted for pre term labour friday-monday and then the Wednesday she weren't moving. They did notice what looked like a clot in her cord. These things unfortunately can just happen 🥺😭 as shit as it sounds sometimes they don't even find a cause. I also don't want to wait for the results before TTC. However, my partner is really struggling with the idea. We have a 2 year old, had a 12 week miscarriage and a 34 week stillbirth 🥺 I don't know how many more times we have it in us but I know I want another child for my son 😭 x

So sorry😔 Just know that you didn't do anything wrong. It wasnt your fault. Sometimes you do evwrything right and things still happen. I was very grateful to have an obvious answer right away so I didn't have to think about it or worry about it. My Koah had a true knot in his cord. There was nothing that could have been done differently. Sending you a hug. I hope they are able to find what caused it to maybe help you a bit.

@Shannon this message is so lovely, thank you. So weird relearning as I always grew up thinking "everything happens for a reason" but it really fucking doesn't sometimes. So sorry to hear of your loss. Sending love xc

@Aubrey did it give you peace to have a reason? Koah is such a beautiful name xx

@Hanna 💛🤍

Yes it did give me some peace. Obviously I was still upset and angry. Especially when I looked up true knots and saw that most of the time that they occur, baby is fine. It hurt. But yes, I am very glad to have a reason and know there was nothing that could have been done differently. They can't really be detected im ultrasound. Everything was always perfect until it wasn't.

We opted for a post mortem and in some respects it did give us closure , but for me it is also still a mystery and have been told “ it was one of those things”. I developed an infection called chorioaminitis (infection of the amniotic fluid) after a low risk healthy pregnancy it came from no where with me presenting no signs and sadly it was too late. The post mortem helped us understand it more and why our baby died but at the same time I can’t understand how I got it in the first place 🤔 for ages I would question everything and wonder if it was something I’ve done. Please don’t beat yourself up, sometimes these awful things happen with no explanation. Sadly there is many of us part of this “ club” 😢 it’s something il never understand. Xx

I had a healthy pregnancy, 3 sweeps and then went for an induction at 41+5. They wouldn’t induce me as they said baby was a ‘sleepy baby’ and it would cause too much stress. When being prepped for a C-section there was no heartbeat so they put me to sleep and got my little boy out as quick as they could. When he was born he had no heartbeat but they managed to get it back after 15 minutes. By this point there was too much damage done and all his wee organs were failing, we lost him at 1 day old 💔 we were originally told 6-8 weeks for results and now we are being told it’s actually 4 months. It’s mental torture going back and forward wondering if things had of happened quicker would he still be with us and being angry at my body for not doing what it should’ve done to keep him safe. I hope you get your answers soon 🩵