What do you say when people ask if this is your first baby?

I would just say something along the lines of “Oh no she’s my second baby but my first living baby.” As I feel like that makes it a bit light hearted in a way and a lot of people won’t start asking questions about it and making the extra comments about how you know what you’re in for😊x

Thank you for the advice. That’s really helpful xx

I think it's fine saying this is your second if that's how you feel. You don't have to make people comfortable if that is your truth. You are allowed to honor and talk about your first baby. If you're comfortable with saying it I would just be up front about having a still birth. It doesn't have to be light hearted for the recipient in my opinion, grown adults should be able to have that conversation if they ask. I'm sorry you had to go through this 💔

I always found this very difficult too, after a late second trimester loss last year. I answered depending on how I feel in the moment - if I didn’t feel resilient enough to talk about my first pregnancy, then I just say yes this is my first. If I feel a bit more resilient I’ll say ‘this is my second pregnancy, but all being well my first earthside baby’ or something along those lines. Never feel guilty if you do just say yes - it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your first baby, and you do have the right to protect yourself from having to talk about your loss if it doesn’t feel right for you in the moment. Sorry for your loss and wishing you all the best with this pregnancy 💜 I’m currently sitting here cuddling my 3 and a half week old rainbow baby 🌈

It’s so hard to navigate isn’t it. But you have to find an answer that you have to live with on a day to day. My personal preference is to be open about our angel babies. I don’t dwell on it. I don’t invite conversation.

@Susie I hate it though as I feel like I make other people feel awkward and put them on edge. Not that I care in the sense that I’ve had to and still am literally living it but I just feel awful for other people as no one expects to hear that 😢

@Jules thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️your comment has had me cry (but happy tears haha) I cannot wait to get hold of my rainbow baby and hear that first cry. I’m going to hold him so close 🥹 I just hate the thought of disregarding my first, that’s how I feel in my head anyway but pregnancy hormones don’t help me to navigate all of these feelings I have either. Thank you for sharing though and congratulations to you and your rainbow baby xx

My friend had a miscarriage and told me the first time we met. I'm really glad she told me because we talk a lot about babies and trying to fall pregnant again and it helps knowing, to avoid hurtful words. I wasn't uncomfortable at all when she told me, just told her I'm very sorry to hear and didn't push, she didn't comment further. But sometimes now she will mention it and then we talk about it which I don't mind at all. I understand you don't want to make people uncomfortable but it's ok. Most people should handle it just fine.

@Susie im so sorry to hear about your friend. A lot of people say a loss is a loss and of course it is as they’re all our babies, but miscarriage and a full term still birth are 2 very different things. A lot of people I’ve came across don’t handle it fine or as expected it’s just a very difficult subject when you’re asked if it’s your first baby when you’ve gave birth to a full term baby. I dont want to and can’t just forget about her or disregard her. I only lost her a year and 6 months ago, it’s still very raw and I’m finding it hard to navigate through this pregnancy

I'm so sorry for your loss, i cannot imagine the pain you went and are still going through with your little girl. I don't have any personal experience with the loss of one's child but i think @Jules has a very good point in answering on how you feel in that moment.If you feel stronger some days to talk about your first born then don't feel awkward in mentioning her, she's still your daughter and deserves to be remembered. But also don't feel ashamed if sometimes you're just not up for the pain that comes with talking about her in the past tense. Not that your tragedy should be used as a teaching moment, but maybe it will make people more aware of how to approach these topics. People are becoming more aware to not ask people without children when they're going to have them incase they're struggling with infertility and i feel that child loss should be thought of in much the same way. Best of luck with your little one, from a fellow February 25 mama. Xx

@Kas absolutely agreed. I'm just saying that it's ok if you choose to talk about it, and it's also ok if you aren't ready. It's difficult in either case. I have another friend who needed a medical abortion to save her life, in her third trimester. She was devastated and still won't talk about it and that's ok.

I’d give a simple ‘no’ when asked and then a simple ‘I’ve experienced loss with my first’ and leave it at that. Most people get the hint that there’s no other questions needed