Would it be rude of me to ask my brother to stop gift giving for our kids?
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My family keep giving mainly money well into our adulthood which I find crazy. Like I earn more than my aunties and uncles combined so as lovely as it is getting £10 for Christmas and birthdays it’s really not necessary now. Slightly different situation as it’s not reciprocated but I don’t have the heart to bring it up. It’ll cause more bother so it continues. Now I have a LO I might start putting it in her savings instead
@Monét it is a bit of a messy situation- yes we disrespected my sister-in-law….. only because she cheated on my brother and took their son away from him- my nephew had no idea and was heartbroken to be taken away because he’s close with his Dad- that only lasted a few days and she went back to my brother- he was devastated but he didn’t want to leave her- I felt completely helpless so I deleted her of all social media because I was afraid of saying something I would regret and I was upset too- My parents were telling him to divorce her and get custody- he ended up forgiving her and now he has to basically sneak to talk to us because he walks on egg shells around her- it’s a weird situation. He has told us to never contact her because she is very upset with us and he’s afraid of having to deal with that again.
damn that’s terrible, what if gift giving is the only way he feel like he can “be there” for you guys?
@Alysha Mattox you are right… I just ran this by my husband and he thinks I shouldn’t say anything but I should send gift cards to my brothers email to give to my nephew so that my sister-in-law isn’t intervening.
Yeah imagine being the one that cheated and then dictating the relationship ship between said spouse and his family lmao. Like you guys dislike her for very valid reasons. 1. His marital issues should’ve stayed between them 2. She’s abusive lol
@Monét bingo!! We all love my brother but wish he would grow a spine- she is abusive. I try to keep communication open with my brother so if (when) it happens again he will have support. He is extremely loyal- he was going to therapy when this all went down and even his therapist said she was not good for him- she made him stop going to therapy and refuses marriage counseling. She’s a head case. ☹️. It’s sad really.
Wow I wouldn’t even want her around my kids. He’s super attached to her though. I can only imagine what their house is like though. That’s no way to live
Just say that it may be unfair for him since you have more kids. So it's okay if he doesn't. Let him decide. It could be his way of coping with the whole situation. It's the only connection he has left with family.
Maybe have an agreement to stop when the kids reach a certain age. It seems a bit unfair to stop for your nephew. He could always spread out the budget over all three kids so although he might spend slightly more it’s not that much more. I guess it also depends on how many people’s hes got to buy for as three kids isn’t going to make a huge difference if your not buying for adults.
I just read your first reply didn’t need to read the rest. That’s not disrespect that’s being truthful she’s shouldn’t have cheated and expected everything to be rosy.. I think if you don’t have communication anyway and you’re struggling financially just stop the gifts to him he may do it the first year but it will stop on his behalf too. We only gift to parents as we can’t afford the extended family anymore x
By reading the comments, I wouldn't ask him to stop, maybe that is the only way your brother finds to keep a link. If you want to stop because your finances are limiting, that is a reality, nothing to debate there. If you want to use poor finances as en excuse, I would say it is not kind. You call her a nut case, but we never know what is really going on inside a marriage. You all could support your brother without becoming aggressive or disrespectful towards her for the sake the children. She will always be their mom and remain in the picture.
I don’t understand why your brother has also agreed to cut off his family?? Did you harm or disrespect the children/her? Because it’s really not fair to the kids. But also it’s not rude not to give gifts if you can’t afford them. I’d just say that.