WTF IS UP WITH GEN X AND HITTING KIDS

I think you can parent kids successfully without spanking. We are spankers though. However I’ve legitimately never met a child *IRL* who was gentle parented whose behavior I would find acceptable in my own kids.

@SquishyMommy1 I think the “gentle parenting” title is thrown around too much and now is associated with permissive parenting. It’s unfortunate.

@KayLee well the majority of the kids I’m talking about are teenagers or adults now. So definitely not a “now” thing.

@SquishyMommy1 I’m talking about the direct definitions of gentle vs permissive parenting.

My grandmother used to spank me (sometimes with her hands, sometimes with those wooden cooking spoons) and do you know what that resulted in? I would get angry and make 3x times worse, I learned how to be sneaky and hide stuff better from her. So no, spanking is a big no no in my house

@KayLee I think that’s just an excuse that gentle parents often use. ALL these parents didn’t “do it wrong” and use permissive parenting. Sometimes these kids needed to be parented in not a gentle parenting way and, that was in fact gentle parenting. And it didn’t work.

If a child is old enough to understand reason, then use reason. If they don't understand reason, then they won't understand the reason you're hitting them anyway. No excuses for hitting a child.

@Beatriz yep. My dad use to spank us. Guess who hasn't heard from me in 15 years 🤷‍♀️

@SquishyMommy1 my argument is not about gentle parenting, it is about not hitting children. The two exist independently from each other

@Debs Completely agree. I’m not sure why this point doesn’t come across clearer when I use it in my arguments!

@Debs honestly I loved my grandmother to bits and I see why she did it cause obviously she was very old and that’s how she disciplined her children back in the day but I could never do it because it doesn’t work. It didn’t work with me and made me very angry. I just cannot comprehend how inflicting pain to a child will change how they behave, in my opinion it will just make it worse and it will make them hate you in the future

@KayLee they do. I simply mentioned it in context of having never met a kid who I would want my kids to be like who was gentle parented.

@SquishyMommy1 I think what Kaylee means is, one thing is gentle parenting other thing is raising your child letting them do whatever they want and they end up acting like brats. This is why nowadays gentle parenting is mistaken by “do what you want cause I can’t be bothered” parenting. Gentle parenting still has rules and discipline

@Beatriz I get what she means. And I’ve encountered a lot of kids in my 20+ years of parenting who were gentle parented *not permissive* parented who are also brats.

I understand there’s people out there who don’t want to spank or discipline their children and have their reasons on why it’s “wrong” but it is irritating and annoying when people think it’s abuse or that children start hating their parents because they were spanked as children. My grandparents and my mom disciplined us children by spanking or a little smack on the hand and not at all did I grow up hating my mom or my grandparents. I still talk to my mom and I still love her with all my heart. Spanking children or a little smack on the hand is not abuse. It’s discipline. Discipline doesn’t make children hate their parents and if it does, there’s something deeper to it.

@Breanna 100% and it also doesnt cause injury to spank within reason. I think what works for each child can be different. My older sisters were spanked more than i was growing up. I was only spanked maybe twice and i learned very quickly how to behave correctly and didnt need to be spanked again. For other children, it may make the issue worse🤷🏼‍♀️but i dont think its abuse and i was never angry at my parents for it, then or now.

I will hardcore judge you if you hit your children🤷‍♀️

You wouldn't hit an adult, so why would anyone hit a child?

@Breanna I think hitting is a cheap excuse for discipline. Done by adults who don’t care to understand child development and incite fear as a tactic to make their children obey them. There are many many other forms of discipline that don’t involve violence. Not everything works for every child, sure, but no child deserves to be hit.

@Rebecca this is my stance aswell… if a coworker did something you found unsatisfactory and you hit them it is literally assault, so how is it ok to hit an innocent child.. all that hitting the child teaches them is inevitablely….. how to hit.

@Jen I don’t judge moms for doing what works for them. It’s quite disgusting to judge another mom for doing things that work for her. If something doesn’t work for you cool. Good for you. I don’t hit my kid because I have no reason to but I’m just saying its ridiculous how people talk about how it makes children grow up to hate their parents or how they develop anger issues when I’ve met many people who have been spanked as children and are not angry people or hate their parents. I don’t have anger issues and I don’t hate my parents and I was spanked as a kid. So, again what works for some children may not work for others. 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Breanna how is my experience ridiculous? Cause you’ve just said it’s ridiculous when people talk about how they develop anger issues or grow up to hate their parents… 🤔

@Breanna I also judge moms for feeding their children poorly and not ensuring they have proper hygiene. Just because “it works for them” does not make it right.

@Beatriz I’m not trying to say your experience is ridiculous what I’m trying to say is people claim that ALL children who were spanked hate their parents and have anger issues. Y’all make it out to be that ALL kids who are or were spanked in their life are going to have negative effects from it. What works for some children may not work for all and that’s true and shaming parents who do or have used this as a form of discipline is sickening. Spanking or a little smack on the hand isn’t or shouldn’t be used to actually cause injury to the child. Like I said before, if it caused a child to hate their parents I feel like there’s something deeper to it. I could be wrong, but that’s just how I feel. This form of discipline is to try and teach your children about consequences. Yes I do see how this is not quite the right way to teach children about consequences but people do what works for them.

As a parent that grew up as a child gettn whoopns I don’t like to but I will wen necessary like I will yell nd scream nd repeat miiself 10000000x before I pull out mii belt nd majority of the time still don’t use it but wen im extremely tired nd tired of fighting with them yea they get it but I try mii hardest to not to

I think it depends on the kid. Spanking worked for me when I was little but now I do have a hard time advocating for myself. Spanking did not work for my husband at all lol we haven’t spanked our son but there are absolutely moments when I want to pop him but I realize I get the urge when he is embarrassing me or making me angry and I realize that’s not ok to hit him cause I’m having big feelings 😂Also my boy is the type to swing back and I’m not tryna box my child cause he doesn’t understand it’s ok for me to hit him but he can’t hit me.

I think that every child is different and I think that different things are more effective for certain children than it will be for others. Spanking is not a requirement for good parenting but I also don’t think that all parents in the world who spank are bad parents. Just as not all parents who utilize gentle parenting are good. If you don’t want to spank your child then you shouldn’t if you want to utilize the method then do so be confident with whichever route you choose is how I view it. All methods are effective in certain areas to an extent , no method is perfect and without its flaws

@Shay belt?! Jesus Christ

@SquishyMommy1 i’ve met kids who were spanked and were also brats. how absolutely dare you try and justify hitting kids?! you’re also trying to say that if you don’t spank your kids, you’re a gentle parent which creates brat kids. which is NOT true. I feel i try to be a gentle parent, whilst also understanding when i need to be firm. have i shouted at my kid? yes. have i also spoken to my kid like a person and tried to reason with them first (usually before i end up shouting)? also yes. And when I do shout, I end up apologising by saying “I am sorry mummy shouted, mummy got *sad/frustrated/angry* when you wouldn’t listen to me.” my little boy has started responding with “that’s okay, mummy. I’m sorry i didn’t listen”. he is a human being and deserves to be treated as such. yes i lose my temper, i shout, i have freak outs, because i am human and we all have a limit, but i would never put my hand on my kid. and he is turning into such a little gentlemen.

Yes if his behaviour gets to a point where he is not listening or extremely bad which I hope it never does then when he is older I will smack his bottom. I’m not gonna hit him so hard he has a mark.. he will also have time out on the naughty step and will have toys and nice things taken away as a form of discipline. This is how I was raised, I never ‘feared’ my parents but I had and still have massive respect for them and knew my boundaries. My parents VERY rarely had to hit me but there was the odd occasion. I don’t think you need to hit for EVERY bad behaviour though.

I would never hit my child no matter what. As a person who has suffered all my childhood from physical and mental abuse I know the importance of not using violence as a solution because it can leave long term consequences so no hitting or spanking all the way

I’ve never hit my children and never would! My oldest is 16 and I get comments all the time what a lovely and polite young man he is. There are other ways to discipline

How did you do discipline? @Sam

@Susie from the beginning I had in my head that my kids were never going to rule me and kept that mindset. Also he knew if he did wrong there are consequences you have to stick to it tho and not give in, I find a lot of parents give in too quickly so then the kids think ‘well that wasn’t bad’ as a punishment therefore they do it again. I took away privileges and did time out, if he came out of time out I keep putting him back, no conversation. When he eventually stayed it’s an apology and tell me what he did wrong then we moved on. If he acted out in public I’d only have to look at him and he’d shut it down (not scared of me we have a great bond)

Hitting/ children just to get them to do what you want isn't teaching them anything. It's what kids will copy in later life . The naughty step in better !!!

@Shay just a little bit of advice. You should never have to repeat yourself a million times. If you've said the same thing 3x then just saying it isn't working. Like if I said to my kid "we don't stand on the table. Get down" and my kid didn't, I'm not going to repeat myself a million times and then whack them with a belt. I'm going to give them a chance to comply and then I'm gonna lift them down. If your kid isn't obeying you, think of a way YOU can hold/enforce that boundary. Cause kids have limited impulse control.

It's illegal? Would you want someone twice your size to hit you? Can't get any lower than hitting children imo

@Ella with a belt?! Would you like someone twice your power to whack you with a belt??? Disgusting

@Shay I grew up like this, my mum used belt, wooden spoon, and anything she could find to "discipline"...it was common in my family and I think in black community in general....I just feared her and wouldn't trust her with anything. As a adult I have so much resentment towards her. Just to give you the perspective of a child who went through this. Also it wasn't balanced with affectation and support. I don't hit my son, even if I got frustrated, it something I really don't want to reproduce. It's not easy when they don't listen and you are tired but there are other ways than what we have been exposed growing up

I'd never hit him and it's really challenging as he doesn't understand no, I take him away and sit down down and I look away to show my disappointment by taking away my eye contact, but he's still straight up to go back to it

@Hollie I think you @ the wrong person

If you cannot handle your children without hitting them you shouldn’t be a parent. Please don’t have any more.

Although I do my best not to judge, hitting children is literally illegal. To all the mums and dads out there hitting kids for ✨ discipline ✨ let me ask.. would you hit your kids in a public space? If no, why? Is it because you would get reported for CHILD ABUSE if someone seen and reported you? Because that's what it is at the end of the day isn't it? Abuse. If you wouldn't do it in a public place what makes you think it's okay to do it at home? It's the lowest of the low and in my opinion, THE most laziest way to parent and teach your child right from wrong

@Debs the only comment that got it

A lot of our upbringings and cultures encourage this shit. For a lot of people, getting their child to obey them incites a much deeper feeling. Mom might genuinely feel so much anxiety & fear around the safety of her child and how that correlates to their behavior. So they go to the extent of violence.. still coming from a place of love and protection I just feel it’s misplaced. My man and I talk about our childhoods alllllll theeeee time. He comes from a black American household, I come from immigrant household. We both got it growing up. And we both are constantly trying to address the issues that has created without ourselves and how we show up in close relationships but most importantly how we show up as parents. I don’t think hitting your kids is ok, under any circumstance. & I judge tf out of abusive parents. However, it’s not always so black and white, and I can understand where ppl are coming from & how the intention of wanting to set your kid up for LIFE plays a role

My answer is never but thats not technically true. If they are doing something that is a danger to their life and they are not listening no matter what you do then shocking them into listening may be required. But otherwise there are many other ways to discipline and teaching them what to do instead of just what not to do.

They were raised being hit by their parents and it was normalized. And the internet didn’t exist so they didn’t know how traumatizing it really is. Also it’s a power and control tool. That’s basically the root of all trauma. Please please don’t hit your kids. You’re their only safe place.

I don’t condone hitting and the gentle parenting seems a bit shaky too. I think it’s old and new parenting that confuses me. There are people posting about their children choking them, people have to find parenting that works for them and their children and not jump on a band wagon. Some of yall be too quick to tell parents what to do and how to raise their children. You can say you don’t condone something but telling people not to have kids is extra.

my perspective on it .. why as a full grown adult are you hitting a KID?!? like they aren’t fully developed & they are kids !!! Like yes there be some bad ass kids but thinking HITTING them is the solution is crazy to me . Every time I got whooped or popped it built up anger and insecurities growing up & I lowkey started “hating” my mom. I felt like she wanted to see me cry or in pain just because she was upset at me .

In others defense, I think it's meant to discipline them into "not doing it again" like a dog with a shock collar. They eventually learn that's off limits. I wouldn't agree with you on wanting to "injure" them, I think that's a bit extreme. There are abuse cases obviously, but a parent trying to discipline wouldn't be trying to harm them. It's to prevent them from doing that action again as it shows a consequence.