Husband not helping out

I’m a FTM to a 7 month old. My husband works 9-6, and gets home around 7.30 each day ( in office 3 times a week) Baby goes to sleep at 8.30, so he barely spends any time with her during the week. I do night time routine and feeds. I also do all the night wake ups, baby is breast fed during the night. On the days he works from home, he HAS to go out. It’s like it pains him to stay at home. Whether that be to the gym, or out with his friends. The ones that annoy me is when he goes out with his friends in the evening, he will come home for her dream feed at 12 and make out like he’s doing me a favour when he does the feed. But the bigger issue for me is why is he coming home so late? On the weekends, he spends most of the day out too- he’ll visit his parents, go out with friends. So I barely get any help from him either. Is this normal? He makes it seem like I’m in the wrong for feeling like this? So I don’t even mention it. I’m just used to doing it all alone. His Christmas holidays are coming up, he makes no plans to do anything as a family. I also notice he is the one who asks his friends to meet, he’ll be the one making the plans. But when it comes to us, he never makes plans. Just fed up and starting think I am better off a single mum.

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No, this is not the way it should be. Unfortunately from what I’ve seen on this app it might be reasonably common, but that doesn’t make it acceptable. When you’re both at home things should be 50/50. That doesn’t mean doing everything half each, but it does mean divide and conquer. You’re up more with the baby? Great, he slept more so he gets up with the baby to give you a chance to lie in. He spent some time with his friends yesterday, so you get some time to yourself to do something for you too. You’re meant to be a partnership. In summary, you’re not wrong and it’s perfectly ok to expect and demand more than this.

This sounds really unfair and pretty isolating and lonely. I personally don't have experience of this, as my partner spends the majority of his non working time with me and our son. However , I did see something on LinkedIn that I'll try and summarise here in case you find it helpful. She totted up all the hours she spent doing all the various tasks she did throughout the week. Then estimated the same for her husband. She Compared the amount of time they spent in leisure time, with each other and apart, and pointed out the discrepancies. She then made clear, fair but firm demands - the work he needed to put in, time needed as a family, and time for herself. Good luck. I hope you get the support you deserve

@Marie Yes I agree. What you describe is also how it is with my husband. I’m a FTM and stay at home, my husband works 8-5pm. He gets home at 5:30 and takes the baby for the rest of the evening except for breastfeeding. At night i’ll breastfeed and he’ll burp and change diapers. On the weekends, he’ll take the baby and l have to do is pump a couple bottle to make sure the baby has milk while i’m out having some time to myself. My husband loves our baby boy and loves to take care of me. So I really appreciate him for that.

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