How would you feel if your husband chose to spend Christmas eve with his family (mom, siblings, aunts and uncles) instead of you and baby because he’s with you all the time throughout the year?

@Maritza so you think I should suck it up and spend my favorite holiday of the year with people who don’t respect my boundaries, talk about me behind my back and make rude comments about the way I parent my son?

Every year, Christmas Eve is with my family and Christmas Day with in laws. This year is different for us as I’m 2 weeks postpartum with baby #2. I don’t want to go anywhere with a newborn. Husband also agrees. If he wants to go to his mothers for Christmas, he’s welcome to with the kids (he offers to take them but probably leave the newborn with me and take our oldest) but I’ll also be sad because I’m spending Christmas alone 😭 If that’s how you feel, you don’t have to go. I don’t always like what my mother in law have to say or does but I still respect her and show up for my husband as that’s his family. My husband is also aware of his mother and don’t always agree with her with some things.

So you don’t want to go (which is fine) but you don’t want him to go to his family either? What is he supposed to do, not spend the holidays with his family? Is he not going to be with you and the baby on Christmas Day? What do you want?

@Rose I was willing to go visit them on Christmas day because there won’t be 30+ people. For context I’m from another country and to me Christmas eve is the most important.

Your husband doesn’t respect you this is clear. When you guys marry you and him is a family now. You both have to put rules and boundaries. No need to follow your extended family tradition (his or your family). For men It takes time to understand this until they are fully mature. I do feel you bc I was almost similar situation. The only thing to fix here is you both need to talk, communicate and set boundaries. Stick to it. You don’t need to suck it up at all the first comment is super bad advice sorry about that.

I agree with Joss. I wouldn’t suck it. When you marry, you leave your family behind and create your own little family. Your husband should respect you enough to know that they have treated you wrong and he should not be going over there without you. Just because it’s the holidays it doesn’t make it okay to forget what they have done to you every other day of the year and you just have to put up with them and deal with it. I’d say talk to your husband and let him know how you feel.

Talk to him to comprise and find a solution that’ll both you and him. But you can’t prohibit him from seeing his family for the holidays.

I would need more context. How did they ruin Christmas last year?

I would be fumming and would NEVER forgive him.

Every other year is fine with me- every year is a bit rough as we have other people to attend to. Ultimatley, you are his family now & while it would be great if everyone is village, sometimes it doesn’t work out in that way.

I can relate I hate going to my in laws Christmas Eve, my boyfriends mother and his grandmother always have some comment to get in about something I am doing, and his father is just rude and makes comments about my body post baby, I hate that I have to go but I know it’s important to my boyfriend and also his family to see my 1 year old as he is the only child in the family at the moment. I also want to be able to go to my moms Christmas Day so it wouldn’t be fair to cause a fuss about seeing his parents for Christmas but then go see mine. We did compromise this year tho and we will be coming home earlier then normal, we normally stay quite late till midnight but this year we will leave around 8 so baby can still have a good night :)

You married into his family and while you two are a family of your own all of you still have to get along. This isn’t just your responsibility but your husbands and his family’s too. Be the bigger person, and take the first step. If there’s anything to say sorry for go do it. Say you want to put things behind and build a relationship. Discuss the problems you have and how to solve them together and work on the problems they have with you. I know Christmas Eve means a lot. I’m from Easter Europe and to me this is the biggest family holiday. Maybe make a deal just like I have. Maybe from next year Christmas Eve at your house and Christmas in your parent in laws house. (I personally take Christmas Eve and Easter and they take Christmas dinner and Thanksgiving). Just like we have to work on our marriages for them to work we have to work with our parents in law to build a good relationship. You can’t tell him not to go to his parents or not to spend holidays with them.

I mean family is family but if they’re not respecting u then it’s probs best to keep ur distance id say talk to ur husband abou how u feel and u guys could come up with a compromise like maybe some Christmas’s he spends time with his family and some with u and ur baby

I’m not big on Christmas so it doesn’t really bother me if my husband doesn’t stay home on Christmas Eve. A couple of years ago his friend was back from Australia and they went out on the 23rd and didn’t come back until about 11am on Christmas Day. I used look forward to the break from work rather than Christmas itself. Now I’m looking forward to my grandsons first Christmas