To give another pancake or to not give another pancake?

*taste exactly the same

I brought my son a donut from greggs, broke it in half so he could eat it easier, point blank refused because he can’t eat a broken donut and had to buy him a new one 😂

If he was like 7 I wouldn’t make another but he’s only 3 I would just make a new one if I had enough batter, and eat the broken one myself

if he’s saying he’s hungry he definitely needs another pancake, right? proving a point can’t be more important than making sure your kid has had enough to eat lol. he’s 3

No, you get what you’re getting simple as 😂

@Nestlē✨ of course. However, if he was so hungry he wouldn’t have thrown the one he had on the floor 🤷🏼‍♀️ (p.s he did get another one once I’d explained that food doesn’t get wasted like that in this house and next time he won’t get another)

@Beth can’t even tell you the fear I have unwrapping any food for him in case I break it!

You should have not even attempted to fight that battle 😂 you should have eaten the in half pancake and made him another

I’m so torn on this one but my answer is no don’t make/give another. TYPICALLY with my toddler I’m a ‘pick your battles, if it’s not hurting anyone or detrimental in anyway just do it’. So like today he insisted on taking 2 stuffed animals on the dog walk. My husband said no. I said will it hurt anyone or shall we just avoid the tantrum and let him take them? However. This is prime time to teach them we’re not going to make something else just because they won’t eat it. As long as ‘safe foods’ are offered each meal, obviously pancakes are and he likes them, heck no I’m not giving you a whole other one when you can eat the perfectly good one in front of you.

He’s 3, he doesn’t really understand the concept of throwing in the floor = I’m full/no more pancakes. It’s just an impulse. He’s starting to learn that but I don’t think that concept has developed fully. I’d make another

It is a phase. If I have another one in hand, I would give it to him. Otherwise offer something else. He has to eat, right? If he keeps saying he doesn't want it or doesn't want anything, don't insist and tell him there is food at lunch time. He will finish his tantrum and accept something.

I pick my battles 😂 if he wants a whole pancake give him a whole pancake, there will be another battle to fight later lol

“if he was so hungry he wouldn’t have thrown the one he had on the floor” you’re expecting a 3 year old to have adult logic lol. that’s not really fair. he’s not old enough for that concept yet. all he knows is: it doesn’t look the way i want it to look so i need a different one. reconsider punishing him for acting his age.

@Nestlē✨ yes and my issues was the throwing the pancake on the floor. lol. The most effective form is discipline for a 3 year old is relevant consequences. E.g if he hits me whilst we’re playing I stop playing, if he throws a toy the toy is taken off him etc. in this case by not instantly just giving him another pancake he now knows the he shouldn’t have thrown the pancake on the floor. Yes in the moment he couldn’t think logically but our job is to educate our children about what is right and wrong not just pander to their every need. The ONLY reason I gave him another pancake eventually is because it was food and I wasn’t going to let my child go hungry but I am not going to allow food throwing because he’s a 3 year old,

As a dietitian with specialty in disordered eating - please do not use withdrawing food as a punishment. Especially at 3! And know that this behavior is developmentally normal. In addition, creating a big reaction around the picky eating behaviors of toddlers often makes the issue worse. They do not discriminate between your negative and positive reactions when it comes to repeating behaviors. If you are reacting in a noticeable way - like raising your voice or refusing to give more food, he is more likely to repeat the behavior. If you don’t give it any energy and just give more food without reacting, this behavior/preference will likely pass before you know it. Remember that toddlers are essentially “babies in bigger bodies.” They have a developing brain. We often react as if they were an adult with a developed brain doing a behavior. And when it comes to food, it should neither be used as a punishment or a reward.

@Nestlē✨ @Bethany everything you both said 💯 🙌

He doesn't have the logic to choose his hunger over throwing food just yet. I would have definitely made another pancake. Even for an older child I would try to accommodate. Now if he'd already eaten some pancake I may have left the issue alone.

@Bethany if you read my comments above, I didn’t. And my issue was the throwing not the picky eating.

Yea Idk at three I feel like they don’t have the impulse control or understanding that adults have with food (it being the same thing) personally I would’ve taken it before he threw it ate it myself and then give him another. All while explaining it’s the same food item. I feel like at 5 or older that might work to say well you tossed it we will have to wait for snack time or something. Maybe even older than 5. There just has to be a better way of getting the child to understand without withholding food at that age. Even if it’s just removing them from the table when you suspect the tantrum coming before tossing the food until they are hungry enough to eat it. My son sometimes refuses his lunch even though it’s something he loves. I just remove the plate take him out of the high chair and in 30 mins to an hour he’s ready to eat it.

i don’t think anyone is addressing the picky eating vs the pancake throwing. either way, those are normal behaviors for a 3 year old. you’re asking for advice, right? we’re not here to attack you or make you feel defensive. everyone here is learning, just like our kids are learning. we are simply saying allow him to learn at his 3 year old pace & avoid punishment while teaching. definitely use a serious tone when explaining throwing food is not how we communicate. however, withholding replacement food because he threw what he had comes across as cruel. especially if he’s asking for more food. btw, i’ve heard & experienced that the most effective form of teaching at this age is redirection. if he hits you, you grab his hand, place it where he hit you & say “soft touches” if he’s drawing on the wall or something you get him a paper & say “this is where we draw” punishment & discipline usually increase the behaviors.

1. You could have eaten the broken pancake to avoid food waste. 2. You could have wrapped the broken pancake up for later to avoid food waste. 3. You could have made him another pancake when he first had a tantrum. Then broken pancake would not have ended up on the floor and in the trash. I personally don’t like using food as a reward or punishment. But, trying to reason with a toddler in the midst of a tantrum never works out. They’re not going to always be like this. I’m currently going through the toddler stage for the 5th time.

I’d make them another I’m 27 and wouldn’t eat food that wasn’t shown how I wanted it. If he normally ate food that was in half then no but if it’s normally served whole then that’s what he’s used to

@Emma I understand that he doesn’t understand the concept, however, you’re right he’s starting to learn and it’s our job to help them to learn. Personally I think taking something away when it’s been thrown is the way to show a toddler that throwing it isn’t the right thing to do. This is at of discipline had worked for me on multiple occasions with other things. I did question on this occasion because it’s food and I do agree that withholding food is not the right thing about to do, however, there still does need to be some learning from this.

@Candice oh yes I pick my battles too. If he wants to wear his superman costume to nursery go ahead wear that costume, if he wants to get alll of his toys back out the cupboard after I’ve just cleaned them away go ahead I’ll just clean them up again. If he wants to throw food on the floor? No that’s not happening.

@Nestlē✨ I’m not getting defensive, I’m giving my point of view. Ah yes I’ve heard that form of discipline too it doesn’t work for my son as he gets fixated on something and can’t be redirected. I’ve also heard of this form of discipline and it’s worked well for me so far. The question was is it still correct when it comes to withholding food. I didn’t withhold the food and I understand that he doesn’t have the logic yet to know to just eat the broken food but just wondered what others would do as there still does need to be some learning around not throwing food on the floor.

I think a lot of people have said the same but you keep coming back with the same answer “discipline”. That’s fine, it’s not like you’re beating your child so just go ahead and keep doing what you’re doing. You’re not listening to multiple people who are saying the kid is too young, you’re not meeting him where he’s at. But it’s fine, just agree to disagree 🙏

@Emma no, everybody is saying he doesn’t have the logic to know to just eat the food and I completely understand that. And I agree with the majority about giving him another one because I did do that. The question I’m now trying to understand is how others would teach in this situation so that he knows not to throw food in the future. This isn’t an argument.

Not sure if you seen my comment but Ive found that removing my son from The table/high chair at the beginning of his tantrum before he can throw food works. I can explain that if he isn’t hungry now thats fine the food will be ready when he wants to eat it. Sometimes he’s not hungry, sometimes he wants things cut or uncut. But removing him before he throws and wastes food allows for us aleast to calm the situation down and approach a different way. In situations I don’t catch it in time. I remove him from the food before he can toss it all and again talk about it and try again later. The way you handle him hitting is appropriate and would work in this situation but it would have to be caught before he gets a chance to throw the food or offer a different food and say because you threw the pancake there are no more pancakes maybe give a banana or something else and offer lunch earlier.

I don’t think it’s an argument either, not at all. If you agree then what’s the comment about discipline that you keep coming back to? I don’t think it’s the correct place for this kind of discipline at all, with a lot of people agreeing. There’s a time and a place and an age appropriate response. This isn’t the place. Throwing a bit of food is what every child does. When he gets a little older he’ll understand more. I’d personally go with redirection at this age. Or, another thing I’ve seen in social media: throwing is an urge developmentally. So you could do some throwing/dropping games just before dinner to get “urge” out. Either way, like I said, it’s not a life changing punishment (like beating) so honestly keep doing what you’re doing if you’re happy with it.

In this situation, he threw the pancake because you were not meeting his “need” of a whole pancake. You could have avoided him throwing the broken pancake if you gave him the whole one.

@Emma I keep coming back to discipline because as I very clearly said I am asking how people would discipline in this situation.

@Storm yes I agree with you on that. In the moment I was making that decision of should I give in or not. On reflection I agree with what others have said about him not wanting to eat the broken pancake. However, once the throwing has happened he does need to learn that’s not the correct response to not getting your way and that’s where I’m conflicted.

@Khyia thank you

I wouldn’t discipline in this situation as I don’t think your 3 year old has the cognitive function to understand that his urge of throwing is considered bad manners to adults.

it was the logic of “if he was so hungry he wouldn’t have thrown his food” that you were expecting him to have. & that’s too advanced for a 3 year old. also, i was saying form of TEACHING vs form of discipline.

My son is 2 and a half and he has known not to do that since at least 2. He is absolutely not getting a new pancake. Also frankly, how dirty is the floor? Dust it off, a few seconds in the pan to burn off some germs he's fine. My kid has chewed on the carpet before surely it's not worse.

“I keep coming back to discipline because as I very clearly said I am asking how people would discipline in this situation.” the point @Emma was making is that you don’t need to discipline that behavior. everyone has very clearly mentioned this multiple times.

Also I second what @Khyia said. We have also removed the food for a bit and waited for him to calm down and then basically said "okay are you ready to eat now?" And given it back.

Ummm my daughters only 7 months but I can imagine I would not be making her another pancake lol

I say in a calm, neutral voice: we don’t throw food - food goes in your mouth. And that’s it. My son rarely throws food now and sometimes I even completely ignore it if I can tell he is just looking for a reaction/attention. My advice would be to not make a big deal out of the broken food issue - just let him have another pancake. Since he threw the food in protest after being told no and then you caved and showed him that throwing food actually worked and he got what he wanted, I’m guessing he will try this again.

@Nestlē✨ and I’ve said that I think you do need to discipline so to the people who also think you do I’d like to know how they’d do it. I’m not sure why you’re trying so desperately to have an argument.

@Nestlē✨ I meant SHOULD have 🤦‍♀️

@Emma ok well I am disciplining my child at this age because at 3 years my child is very capable of learning the consequences of his actions as I have said multiple times it works in every other situation.

oh wow. you get on here, ask for advice, literally argue with everyone giving you advice, then tell everyone it’s not an argument. whew. i truly & honestly wish your son the absolute very best. smh have a good one.

@Nestlē✨ I’ve not argued I’ve agreed with most of what everybody has said but then asked how others would discipline in this situation. If you wouldn’t discipline at all that’s fine, the question’s not for you. No need to keep coming back and forth trying to call me out for something. Thank you, my son is sleeping soundly after a lovely day.

So if you made your decision why did you come to ask lol

Personally in this situation if it were my own child I would have said I’m sorry that it broke sometimes things like this happen but you have two choices you can either have this pancake that is now split in two for easier eating or you can have something simple such as a banana toast or cereal and let him feel as though he is in control of the situation by giving him options and if that still hadn’t worked then I would give him something to keep him from being hungry but would stand my ground on the fit throwing. Don’t stress on it sometimes all we can do is our best!

I definitely wouldn’t give a new pancake especially since it was thrown on the floor. That wouldn’t be acceptable in our house. I’ve had this happen a few times with different “broken” foods and I just calmly explain it’s still fine and stand my ground that new food won’t be given. Sometimes it helps if I suggest he concentrated on something else on his plate.

@Candice because I wanted to see what other people would’ve done. I wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing or if I should’ve stood my ground more ‘lol’ don’t you ever do something and then wonder if you could’ve dealt with it differently?

@Madison I love this suggestion. Thank you