Want to stay home and partner rant
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This is what’s so frustrating, I feel so undervalued and he just doesn’t get it. He just kept saying to me that his savings are going and it’s all on him. I’m just so frustrated.
He is providing for his family... But finances are a tricky thing. Do you treat all money as joint money, as in one account in both names? Can your family survive comfortably on your husband's income, or has the last year been tight? Does your husband work a ton? Does he dislike his job? This are all questions that I would take into consideration. It sounds like you're doing way more than half the load of he is working only. Does he understand that if you go back to work all the house and child duties will need to be split down the middle... So he'll actually have more on his plate? These are important things to talk about.
My husband and I talk about it regularly. I'm lucky that he makes good enough money to support us all right now, and he knows that i work my ass off every day at home to support us through child care/house work. He knows my days are hard. Because he's been involved in all aspects since my first was born 3.5 years ago. Your husband might need to be left alone with baby for 6+ hours by himself to really know what is like for you. And more than once if he has "a good day". Also I don't know where you live, but where we do, child care would be more than our mortgage for 2 kids, if you can find a spot... So that is my financial contribution. Also, if i was working it would barely cover the child care costs, so I'd rather be home raising my kids. Will you lose your tenure or position in a board if you quit to stay home? Will you be able to go back when your bub starts school easily, or are the jobs hard to come by? All things worth thinking considering.
See if you can apply to go part time? It really helped me juggle everything as teaching full time is hard and time consuming! I work 4 days with the Wednesday off and it’s so helpful to have a reset / fun day with my boy
Ok I'm really feeling this one and I hope you two can work it out. I'd be really resentful of the reaction too. Can you get a job from home, go PT or work somewhere on weekends? Maybe try counseling over this too. I echo all of the above, I'd start right now telling him in January to practice for April, everything you accomplish daily at home will be split down the middle and you will not be doing more than your half. In fact, maybe get a weekend job right now that has you gone the entire weekend, leave him a list of everything he needs to do. He may beg you to quit. Once everyone is calm have a serious talk about finances and what you'd need to bring in to make it work, maybe the weekend job will work or a little work from home. When my daughter was a week old I was staring at her in her rocker sleeping and I started crying. I looked at him and I said I can't do it. I can't give her to someone else for care. He looked worried but said ok. We will figure this out. It's quite a stretch for us but we cut a lot
And I work 1 day a week when he's home with her. A financial advisor would tell us we're insane but I don't care. I'll be homeschooling her, too.
Never forget that you carried your baby for nine months, brought her into this world, and nurtured her through her first year of life. You gave your partner a gift that money could never buy and made countless sacrifices along the way. If he ever comments about the money you bring home, remind him of the invaluable contributions you’ve made, both as a mother and as a partner. Your worth goes far beyond a paycheck.