Not sure what I should do?

I think he’s trying to see what you decide or could be he doesn’t care, I think you need you ask him to be bluntly honest and that it’s not something you want. If you wanna work it out or divorce if that’s what he wants since he hasn’t put out what he wants

See that’s the thing I did and he kept saying it was up to me. I was told to give him some space and time and that he will possibly come around and I’m trying to, but it hurts my heart waking up knowing he’s not coming home

He told me he’s tired of arguing, but what I want him to understand is that we are married. We are gonna go through stressful moments, but he can’t always be quick to walk away when life gets hard

“It’s up to you,” seems like he has already checked out. You had rather lose a year than other years ahead. Secure yourself, have a plan and take care of yourself first. Anyone who treats you less than, doesn’t deserve your time, attention and energy. Loving anyone doesn’t mean we have to be with them, they can be loved in a distance too for our own welfare.

I even asked if we are going to at least work things out and he said no that he’s tired of the back-and-forth arguing with me

@Heidi he has been blunt about it. The issue is that we usually think people are joking when we hear something we don’t want to hear especially for the first time

Did you ask him what he does want?

@Imani you can’t jump to conclusions, talking about you him “treating her less than she deserves” how do you know she’s not the one treating him less than he deserves. You don’t know what the argument was about, you can’t fault him, with just one side of the story.

@Rose agreed.. and if he's already tired of the fighting only 1 year in.. he's probably rightfully over it.. we've been together 9 years and I can count on my hands how many big serious fights we've had.. yes we go through insanely stressful things but our relationship itself is never hard, you shouldn't have to fight like that for love.

Maybe you guys should talk to a marriage therapist to help mediate between the two of you to help talk things out instead of just ending up arguing. Just a thought. Don't know if he'd be open to it.

@Dianna yes and he kept saying that he wasn’t doing this right now with me

Never threaten divorce if you don’t really want a divorce and if things can be worked out, never use divorce threats as a manipulation tactic, you might just get what you want. I understand your heart is breaking, but give him some space, when he’s ready and comes around, you can talk about working things out, if that’s what you both want. Find a way to stop the arguments and communicate better and understand each other better. Constant arguments can be draining for anyone, and put a lot of stress on a marriage.

@Rose yes you are right on that part. I should have been more clear about it so long story short I found in his email that he ordered another female a sex toy. I have been cooking cleaning doing all the wife duties. checking on him to make sure he’s OK offering to send him money and etc. even asking him how his day was. He eventually became distance with me not understanding. What did I do wrong when I was providing everything that he could ever want this started after he bought his new pick up truck. I even would check on him as far as pretty much support in his business and asking questions to show that I was interested when it came to sex gave him that as well pretty much what he wanted so I was just lost on what did I do so wrong and when I asked about the female sex toy to be in order he would just laugh and tell me that it wasn’t for me and would avoid answering the question on why did he do it

@Kylee we was in a relationship for a year broke up after my daughter was born got back together cause he wanted to work things out, but the problem that started was he was asking me what’s wrong and I would tell him that he makes me feel how he made me feel and that I know he loves me, but sometimes it hurts because he will constantly have attitudes over the littlest things and I understand he has enough going on and I try to be there for him the best way possible and I will also always try to ask what am I doing wrong so I can work on fixing it I even went back to Therapy and he refuses to go to couples therapy but I also feel if you truly love somebody you’re not gonna just give up on them and marriage is a whole different ball game. We have four kids in total together. I respect it if he wants to get a divorce and if he’s tired, but he shows that I think about myself when he asks me what’s wrong and I tell him and then he feels like I’m making you about me

And he thinks that I think about only myself like when I told him I might have to get surgery on my hand, but I can find somebody to watch the kids and he feels that I think about myself and I explained to him that I’m not trying to make it about myself, but when he asks me what’s wrong I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say or if I’m supposed to lie and act like I’m fine

@Jackie if he’s ordering another female a sex toy , y’all have bigger problems than arguing. Y’all have to figure this one out. Don’t chase him, he’s the one who should be giving you an explanation. Him ordering another female a sextoy must have a good explanation, unless y’all have an open relationship.

@Jackie yeah that's tough that sounds all around pretty toxic and uncomfortable. I'm sorry you're walking on eggshells around him that's so so tough. I agree therapy is probably the way to try to mend this.. I don't see it getting any better without it 🫤

But as far as how I treat my husband, I did everything I could cook clean take care of the kids make sure he had dinner when he came home from work, even would stay up until he came in at 4 AM to warm his food up pull his clothes out for when he showers And so much more ever since he got his pick up truck I’ve been stuck in the house with my two kids that live with us, he promised me before he got the truck. Things were gonna be different and we were gonna start getting more. Family time instead he became distant. that’s when I became confused cause we were literally having fun one day play fighting in the bed then the next day it’s like I did something wrong and I didn’t do anything but prepare dinner before he went to work and ask him if he has something to drink a snack and if he want to take dinner with him for work so he wouldn’t have to spend any money so I’m just confused on what was so bad about doing that or what did I not do for you to become distance?

@Kylee and I’m so lost because last time when we broke up, he said the same exact thing before that he was tired of fighting

@Kathryn I tried and tried multiple times after going once he said no to going back

@Rose yea I did and he kept laughing avoiding to answer my question and said he wasn’t about to do this with me and that it’s clearly not for me is what he said

He is done with the relationship and probably think about something better

Hey @Rose , you can wait for the other side of the story. The post is based on what she has posted. She knows her situation better so she can read all comments and make her own discussion as a conclusion. I am sorry it feel like a conclusion to you.

All I can say is if you want a man to take care of himself, give him the attention, if you want a man to take care of you, put the attention on you. Where ever you shift your attention and energy is where he is at. So the more attention you give a man, the more distant he is gonna be. He will be occupied with himself chasing other things

I would ask how he wants to do our living arrangements and childcare things. I would let him know I'll be getting a job and just start discussions on co-parenting. It sounds like he's ready made the decision to end things.