Mil seeing my child without me

Absolutely not but he does need to grow a pair and have a word with her. Whatever the issues, he shouldn't be allowing her to come between you x

Sad and mad bc why would he agreed and second of all why without you ? Does she not like you ..?

@Grace I agree , seems like she’s the type of MIL to feel untitled to the relationship and him following along

Thank you so much for this, I will be standing my ground tomorrow morning, we are an interracial couple and they have made comment like because she black, a white woman would be fine with it. Hence, I am seeking advice on this group that I am not crazy

You need to have a word with your husband so that he puts a boundary down with his mother. She shouldn't be asking that of him. She's forcing him to put her feelings before yours and he's ignorant of how he's being manipulated.

And no. A white woman wouldn't be any more fine with it. We're mothers, our feelings aren't based on our skin colour.

@Beanz scream that second comment louder!!!! it has absolutely NOTHING to do with race! the same to g was asked of my daughter at just a few months old! to visit her dads side without me present. she didn’t go to her dads without me until after she turned one & idc what anyone says, i made the best decision for me & my daughter!

I’m so sorry. I’ve experienced something similar where MIL was constantly asking to have my son without me and whenever I tried inserting myself into the plans (eg “what time are you picking US up?”) there was always a problem.. “oh there isn’t enough room in the car so you won’t be able to come” - I offered to meet them somewhere and it was still a problem. She then went crying to my boyfriend saying she feels like she’s not trusted with him (she isn’t for many reasons) so he said I feel like I’m not welcome. She backed off then💁🏻‍♀️

Also I’m so sorry race has been brought into it! It’s got nothing to do with race at all🤦🏻‍♀️ and I’m upset for you that comment was even made

White woman here. ANYONE -- not just my MIL -- who blatantly requests to be around my child without me there gets themselves a one-way ticket to not seeing my child. 🙃 Currently, neither of my in-laws are allowed around my daughter alone, and my husband supports this -- as he should. Your husband needs to realize that you and y'all's child(ren) are supposed to be his priority right now, not his mommy.

He better grow some balls and stand up for you. You come first now, not his mom

🤣 if race was brought into it I would be limiting or not seeing at all that person anyway you don’t want your biracial child thinking one of their sides is wrong or some type of way because that’s what their granny says😔 my partners uncle “jokingly” argued with me one day saying that my child was not Irish because my partner is English I have not made any efforts to see him since 🤣 after my second child was born he wanted to see him at two weeks which I was not ready for and did not want to put up with that his response to my partner was fine no presents then 🤣

I would be keeping baby home OR going to coffee with your partner 🤣

Nope. Your child. Straight no! No reason can justify wanting to see a child and personally requesting the mother not be there?!

Huge red flag when people want a relationship with the baby but not the mother. I’d say ‘what is it you want to do with my baby that I can’t be around for?’ Tends to shut them up pretty quick. Also no one should expect access to a child if they cannot respect the mother.

You’re not overreacting. That’s weird for her to request that and for him to agree to that. Do you two(mil) not get along? My MIL and I don’t always agree on things but I know she wouldn’t tell my husband to come without me. If I don’t feel good or am busy or working she will ask him where I am or why I didn’t come. That’s rude of her to request that and wrong of your husband to agree to that. You are a family. If she wants to spend time with her son that’s fine but yours stay with you if she doesn’t want you to come.

@Amy Draper she probably wants to “pretend” she’s the child’s mother. Or get a way with how she interacts with her grandchild that she can’t when mom is present. Maybe poster gives her boundaries when she interacts with her grandchild and doesn’t want to respect them.🤷🏽‍♀️

No woman( mother) would ever be okay with that. That’s insane to bring race into it!

Some people think children won’t bond with others if their mum is there too, as they cling to their mum. It’s an old fashioned thing. I think it’s so rude and disrespectful. Maybe your mil misses seeing her son alone, but they can do that without your child

That is so stupid I don’t understand why she doesn’t include you?! I would straight say nope my child! I find my mother-in-law bonding more with my child when I am not home and it’s only my husband otherwise she doesn’t really bond with my child if I am around or I can tell she prefers if it’s only her and her son sitting out with my baby. I really don’t understand why.

My mil did this to my husband when I was in hospital fighting for my life and he was home with our newborn so he wasn’t thinking clearly his whole family bullied him but I found out and discharged myself from the hospital and he realised what had happened next day we get a call from his nana his brother was going to take him for a “walk” his mam was going to kidnap our daughter hence not wanting me there or knowing safe to say both our girls are safeguarded now and she’ll be arrested if she comes near us I’m so sorry she’s trying to not include you and you’re definitely not in the wrong you’re husband needs to grow a pair and say something to her or she can just see her son no respect for the mother shouldn’t see the child 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you all for the support 🙏, we had an argument this morning about it and I said, I would need to come or you go and your own, you also need to clearly communicate this with your family, when they invite you, you go on your own or they invite the three of us. He said I thought you were sick due to being pregnant. That's why your not invited but off course you can come, i got up to get dress. I said well let's all of us go then, and now he has decided to cancel with his mother. Trying to make me feel bad but i dont. His reply I should be able to take my daughter to see my mother without you, If my daughter was 5-10 year and can talk/express herself I wouldn't mind whilst she small I don't feel comfortable and it is disrespectful, I wouldn't do that to him with my family. Also, his are very calculated/ manipulative. If they can try manipulating a grown man, how much a little child. I appreciate the support x

Nope, if your kid wants to go you’re going to. If not then they’re staying home. Idk what he doesn’t understand

@Jeni it’s cause some mil’s are very weird about being the main woman in their children’s lives. Especially mom’s with their son’s. My MIL likes things her way and is a dominant female but so am I. Which is why we tend to butt heads at times. She would love if I agree to all of her ideas. I’m not that type of person though.

@Crystal that’s exactly how my MIL is a very dominant woman, I never used to be dominant but now I’m slowly getting there every time I tell my hubby how controlling and dominant she is he never sees it and disagrees

@Jeni Yeah, he won’t cause it’s his mother. He’s not going to want to see her in a negative light. I see things that my husband doesn’t or does but thinks it’s not a big deal.

Lots of lessons for our generation, I definitely will be the type of MIL that respects her children and partner boundaries. I hope my kids feel comfortable communicating with me rather than expect their partner to suffer

That’s exactly how I feel. I am taking notes on what not to do. I don’t want my child and their spouse to go through what we go through. I couldn’t imagine. I do feel like our generation is a bit more open minded than our grandparents and parents generation. Also more open to learning new things.

That bugs me that he tried to use an excuse “oh I thought you were sick since you’re pregnant” then cancels since you got up to get ready. Yeah, if you were okay with just them going that’s fine but you’re not so LO stays or you all go. It’s not okay to leave without you if you want to go. You are a family unit. His mother is no longer his immediate family. You two are. He cancelled cause he knew his mom woukd probably be posed you went.