Serious question

I don’t understand why many moms come into this group and the other mixed race group and complain about relatives and friends commenting on their child’s appearance when that’s the majority of the post in these groups. If it’s not “guess my child’s ethnicity” when the child is either white presenting or some shade of brown and honestly who knows, Then it’s post about the hair texture or skin color contract to their own. But if someone besides them themselves gives any attention to those things they feel offended. I see no post (or very little) on teaching their mixed child about their heritages, and other cultures, languages, nothing about diverse looking dolls (I saw one post in another group but only 1) or high quality bilingual books or schools. No mention of OPOL, learning to cook other foods so their child grows up with both, or how they are going to combat their child feeling like they don’t belong to either culture. I just feel like we can’t get upset about people commenting or fetishizing our mixed child’s looks but that’s all we ourselves talk about. I do think about my daughter’s appearance and how she will be perceived and treated by both sides because of it, but I also know that has a lot more to do with racism and colorism and sexism, and plan to teach her those things as well. But I also am way more invested in learning the culture of her father and immersing myself in those things so she never feels that she has to choose or doesn’t belong, and has a strong sense of identity when it comes to both. I just feel like these post are for lack of better word…. Shallow. Because most are only about the child’s outer appearance. Not looking to argue just something I noticed. Thoughts ?

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Well said and lots of wisdom in what you have posted . Hopefully , mums will pick a thing or two from your advice

Completely agree. I've not had my baby yet, but I joined the mixed groups thinking the main discussions would be about relating to the other side from your owns culture, discussing family dynamics/traditions, respecting culture and blending them successfully. So far, I've not found the groups that magnetising because there is, in imo, a boring over saturation of guess my babies mix and look at my mixed baby rather than look at my beautiful baby which for me is more of a normal way to talk of your own child.

Maybe I'm in two different groups, but I'm sure I've seen posts like books, hair care, food, and teaching of the cultures?

I totally agree with most of your points fsfs there’s ppl, women and moms who fetishize mixed race kids. However, on the topic about mom asking about their kids ethnicity. (I do think it’s odd but to each their own) I kinda look at it like anyone commenting on their own weight… I don’t see why you’d like someone else to comment on YOUR weight. So I just ignore those posts personally.. cause I don’t have time to guess your kids ethnicity sorry 😂

Definately agree. I thought this group would be more about handling the dynamics and how to educate your child and/or maybe others or something.

There are a lot of posts about hair, it’s definitely important to learn if it’s different from your own but I’ve previously seen some mums repeatedly asking how to make it curly when their child has straight hair. I’ve also seen mums worried their childs skin getting darker/ different to how they’d expected, which is concerning!

@Abbie “why is my mixed baby so pale” cracked me up.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I guess the next question would be why if we feel this way why we don’t see these post more. Do we all just not feel comfortable? Wondering why I don’t myslef now too…

@Abbie I don’t think it’s necessarily a white mom issue, when it comes to teaching another culture, as we all have mixed kids and we all have to teach them another culture that’s not our own. Hair is a bit different if your child is mixed with Black and their hair is more Afro texture, but I feel as much effort as we put into our half black children’s hair we should put that same Effort into everything else. Since an African American, Afro Latino, African, and Caribbean black person are all different culturally. I get the appropriation… I get that, I get it sometimes myself just for wanting to go to a restaurant that is my partners culture and not mine.. like WTF?! but idk I have a child from that culture so I feel how am I appropriating when I’m learning for them.

I agree. I think some of it is "Look at my baby, aren't they cute?" They just want a compliment, and that can be okay. But people don't feel comfortable just coming out and saying that, so they have to find some "reason". "Guess my baby's mix" has always rubbed me the wrong way, though. Like... they aren't a grab bag at the fair, they're a person...

@Abbie noooo lol as a baker and someone who’s family was navy I disagree. I love fish and chips and bread pudding?! English had the best navy in the world. And so many great books come from there. Every country has a culture!

One of my main hopes in joining the group was to learn how to pass on culture and traditions. So I was a bit surprised when most of the posts seemed to focus on hair styling. As a second-generation immigrant whose parents have passed, I'm feeling anxious about how I'll preserve and pass down the culture, traditions, and heritage that are such a big part of my identity. I'm also curious about the experiences of raising a child in a country where the dominant culture isn't your own. I feel like my parents did a wonderful job of making our home feel like a small embassy of their homeland, always sharing stories, perspectives, and experiences from back home. They nurtured in me a deep connection and sense of belonging that I hope to recreate for my own family.

Agree!

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