I don't know whether to break up or get back together help

I have been split with husband for a month now. Hubby has been living with a relative. And during this time we are having days out together and co parenting but not seeing other people. The overview is...we have been having issues for 4 years...been together for 13 years. We have a 7 month old and a teenager. He gambled 30k away and admitted it to me years ago, we worked through this. He has bad mental health due to his parent commiting suicide when he was a teen. Since baby boy was born 7 months ago we have been so rocky. He has never wanted help for depression and is quick to get angry but he's a great dad. Anyway, a month ago I found messages on his phone from a woman at work they have been sending sexual messages. He didn't meet up with her and I believe him We have a good sex life so it's not like he should of needed this excitement. I feel so untrusting of him but we have 2 children and a house! He's devastated that I ended things and he's now going to therapy and is on anti depressants he's admitted he was in the wrong and he says he only wants me. I am torn!!! I want him back but then I hate him at the same time. Do I need more time to process it? He's trying really hard but he should of been trying hard for all of these years. I'm really lost with what to do. I don't want my children to grow up with a broken family!! Help. Any more info needed and I can give you that...
Like
Share Mobile
Share
  • Share

Show your support

It's best to leave it :/ as someone who did go back to try again, it didn't get better, it's now worse... it's nothing always how it ends but I say it's time to move forward...

That sounds tough and I hope you are doing ok. Would you both consider couples therapy? It’s difficult to say what would be best for you and your family, only you can decide if you can forgive and forget but maybe give yourself some time to really think about it, attend therapy as a couple but give yourself space from him at the moment to adjust to being a single mum and grieve the betrayal, if you both still want to, you can revisit the possibility of a relationship in 6 months or however long you think is best to let the anger subside slightly and the dust settle. Good luck and you’ve got this 😘

@Latifah are you still with him? Did he cheat or text others. Thanks for the message

@Charlotte I feel like I have no idea when I will start to see clearly! Thank you for the info I will look into therapy. Do you think if we re visit in 6 months then we are able to see other people x

@Madie no, we broke up then got back together, lasted 4 months and now been separated for just under 3 years. He didn't cheat, but he just decided to show his true colours, turn his family against me, turned my own family against me and blamed my sons disability on me. Also said I forced him to have a child which never happened. Made me lose faith in all men.

@Latifah your in a better place now? I know. Men are the worst I feel that!! Thanks ❤️

Personally, I think these days couples to easily throw in the towel. We see little old people holding hands and watch way too many rom coms we think it's all rosey. I can guarantee if you sit down with most elderly folk, they will tell you marriage is tough, but its the challenges you manage to work through together that makes you both strong. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying stay with a toxic narcissist, but if you can honestly say he's a good man but made some mistakes, then I'd 100% work on your marriage. You've done the best thing by leaving him! Now he knows how serious you are and that you won't be mistreated or disrespected. The best thing for your marriage right now is exactly what your doing. Date! Have fun, take it slow. Remember why you were together in the first place and let it progress naturally. Take it from me, you can be in the best place you've ever been in your marriage if you try. How will you know if you don't at least give it a shot.

@Madie webarely talk, he doesn't even want to see our son now, personally, I'm in a great place! But as a "team" it's just not there

I know it sounds weird, but I'd be finding the gambling of 30k harder to move on from than the sexting! Only you can decide whether you can move on from this or not

As hard as it is, I would give him more time. Its easy for him to show you he is working on himself now but once he has you back will he continue to do so? Its harder to put in the work long term especially if he is content. Give him more time to see if he is trying for the right reasons. He clearly has a lot of issues to work through and has selfishly let his issues impact you. Only you can decide to give it another shot. Lots of children are damaged from seeing their parents stay together when it would have been healthier environment a part. Broken homes dont always mean ‘damaged’

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community