Husband with PPD

Has anyone else had an experience similar to me? My husband has been feeling very low since the birth of our second child (almost 3 months) and looking at everything he is feeling it seems to boil down to PPD, but he won't get help. I do understand why he isn't keen to seek help, he has a long history of depression and anxiety over the years and has been on at least 5 different antidepressants all of which made him feel worse or made him feel a little better but with rubbish side effects. He also doesn't see the point in talking to anyone. He barely interacts with our new baby, he says he doesn't feel bonded and doesn't really want to hold him. It's an effort to get him to help me with him at all and I've only had 2 (less than 3 hours) "nights out" since the baby has been born as he can't cope. When I've been out I've even waited until after our toddler has gone to bed so he only has the baby to worry about. In contrast, he goes out every Friday with his friends from 6.30pm (toddler goes to bed about 8pm) until at least 10pm. I'm home with both children all week and he often finds things to do at the weekends too and leaves me with them more, I just need a bit more support from him but I don't know how to help him when I'm so burnt out myself. He does help and play with our 2 year old at lot more but I have another issue here too. He has a very slight speech delay (health visitor, nursery etc are not concerned and think he will catch up soon) but his level of understanding is excellent and he is able to communicate what he wants very well. My husband gets it into his head that he is either dumb or autistic (not that there would be anything wrong with this but he showing no other signs of potential autism). He gets very frustrated when our son doesn't use proper words, calls him stupid, shouts. I keep telling him that our son will be picking up on this and it might put him off talking more. We keep having the same conversation over and over where I manage to convince him that our son is fine and then a day or 2 later we're back in the same cycle. I'm really at a loss of what to do 😩

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Do you love your husband and want to stay together? x

@Katherine more than anything, we've been together 14 years and this really isn't him.

I have PPD and it honestly sounds like he’s suffering pretty bad I always make excuses which I’m trying to do anything else but interact with baby on my bad days I know it’s not fair on my partner but it’s a illness I’ve been suffering for years and I do understand where he’s coming from with the medication point of view but it’s trial and error try and level and speak with him in a calm manor and make sure you let him know that your here for him and you are trying to understand I’ve finally found a medication after years and I’m having more good days than bad but sometimes it’s impossible on the bad days he’s using going out as a coping mechanism to try and cope with how he feels. It also sounds like he has post partum rage which I thought only women experience but apparently it’s not the case I feel so much anger sometimes and say some things I regret and honestly think his outbursts at toddler could be like that l. Like I say I don’t honestly know this for sure just going off

My own experience sending you so much love because I know it must be so hard for you x

@Abbey thank you so much x

My husband is struggling with PPD and this sounds so familiar. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about it as he was worried no one would take him seriously but I managed to persuade him to at least try. I’d had such terrible PPD after my first that I’d spotted the signs in him after our second was born. He got started on medication and absolutely hated the side affects. It took another 2 or 3 goes to find one that works for him. We’re getting additional support from health visiting and he’s having some counselling sessions on the NHS to help. It such hard work seeing them go through it and shouldering all the work with the kids to. Make sure you are taking care of yourself too, and hope he can maybe seek help soon 🩷.

Does anyone know if this is something that can get better on it's own over time or do I need to push him to get help? 😩

You need to push him to get help, his behaviour toward your two year old is not acceptable at all and when your mental health starts impacting the wellbeing of a child or anyone around you frankly you need to bite the bullet and do something about it I hope you can work through this, this bubbling frustration and suffering he’s feeling that is now only showing as “shouting” and calling a literal two year old “stupid” could get worse if he doesn’t seek help and nip it in the bud now I’m sorry you’re going through this and I’m really sorry he’s hurting but this isn’t okay for any of you to be suffering with- and if he isn’t going to help either baby then he at least needs to get help to make sure he can adequately look after himself and your toddler without becoming a hugely negative aspect of your family life I wish you the best of luck, there’s often community support groups for dads available that suit men a bit more as it’s more of a lads environment so that could help?

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