Maintenance

Everyone’s circumstances are different and both sides of CM can be impacted massively and negatively.

A child costs 1030 a month?

Personally speaking, I don’t think it’s a fair system. (Not saying all mums) but mums can claim the dad isn’t seeing the child and they’ll just up the cost of maintaince without even checking or taking into consideration why the dad isn’t seeing the child (when mum withholds child). If the child was living with non resident parent the non resident parent could control what was being paid for etc. Sadly as well some mums don’t use the money on the child and use it as a weapon against the dad. If me and my sons dad spilt, yes I would expect him to financially contribute but not to the point he couldn’t pay for his bills etc

@Nicola I agree

@Rebecca over 18 years on average yes

I dont believe that 🤷‍♀️ a child does not cost 1030 a month

I agree for some women it’s used as a weapon but a lot of the posts I see are complaining when they see the kids and the deduction is made for any overnights etc

@Rebecca you don’t have to believe it over 18 years on average it costs that Yes it includes housing costs which I get the NRP has too but they can make do with smaller housing if the child is only there on average once a week. Take into account childcare costs etc it’s a huge cost!

Make do with smaller housing? Why should they? 🤣 Some women use it against men and stop then seeing the children then the less the dad sees the child, the more they pay. Some mums move away with their kids and make it hard for the dad to see the kids in the week and only weekends. Yes dad's should contribute but there are cases where it's unfair. Also if the dad has other children, for some reason the first child gets all the maintenance money and it only goes down like £10 a month if you have a second child

@Rebecca yes if they’re only seeing their child every other weekend do they really need a 3/4 bedroom house? Yes when they get a new relationship etc (and their household income goes up) then fine but to begin no. Yes I get that a house is a necessity but if we started allowing parents to cover their costs before providing for their children how many would spend all their money to not have to provide? I agree there’s a minority of women who use it against the dad. There’s also the minority of dads who are deadbeats. But for the majority it’s not like that. On the flip side, if dad was still with mum they’d consider their outgoings before considering another child would they not. The mum in this case can’t because it isn’t her choice so why should she (and the child) take a cut in finances because the dad decides he wants a new family unit?

I dont think that's fair to say if their only seeing their child every other weekend do they really need a 3/4 bedroom house. Me and my husband have 2 kids together and his daughter so we need a 3/4 bedroom house. Does the mum really need a 3/4 bedroom house? You can't comment on stuff like that. It's up to the dad what his money goes on. If he wants to buy a house/rent a house then he should be able to. This is the problem with child maintenance too - I feel like mums think they can comment on how much they earn, what they spend their money on etc. The maintenence should be more even for dads with other children not just the majority going to the first child. Not just taking £10 off that is unfair. There's a lot of negative and positive things alongside child maintenence. Could go back and forth in this constantly. It is an unfair system especially to the dads and I've seen it first hand with my husband

@Rebecca but I did acknowledge when you have a new relationship and other children of course your need for space increases (as does the household income) I don’t think mum needs a 3/4 bedroom house but she needs a house for all the child shite not just a flat say! Yes of course it’s upto him - after paying maintenance! Same way it’s upto the mum what the maintenance gets spent on. But the issue is the complaining about the maintenance and thinking dads outgoings should be factored into it (they shouldn’t) I agree and disagree with that final point. If you was a single mum with a child with your ex who was seeing the child on average one day a week you had all the childcare costs etc should your ‘income’ drastically decrease because the dad has decided he wants a new family when you’re potentially living hand to mouth anyway?

This seems a very odd place to have posted your gripe.

Sounds like the original poster is going through something. I’m sorry for whatever you’re going through and sounds like you need to vent. I’d just be careful how you say things and how it comes across. I hope you find some peace.

No child costs that much🤣 you sound like a mum who’s battling it out with her ex and not a step mum.

My OH pays 365£ a month whilst having them on weekend . And i would honestly love to know what she spends it on kids are always wearing clothes to small or beat down shoes 😔 Some just want the money to keep for themselfs on the weekend it’s sad

I don’t see anybody complaining about paying child maintenance. I see people commenting on how unfair the system can be, particularly to dads who are involved with their children day to day. It’s a great system for dead beat dads and absolutely we need a system but one size does not fit all!

I mean £800 a month, and my partner has them every other weekend, provides for them and pays for them to do things when in our care. Yet they always come to us with clothes too small for them and shoes knackered, like if it was getting spent on the kids then maybe but i think if people who are involved in their kids lives as well as pay child maintenance then the mother should be providing receipts of what she’s spending it on

I find it interesting that BM always expect payment but vice versa happy to pay nothing. We have my SD full time and receive £0 yet when SD lived with mum we asked if we could pay 11 months of the year but not during the summer holidays because we were having SD for the majority of it and she said no and took us to the CSA! I think some BM can just be quite entitled and that’s why there is ill feelings around maintenance, not so much the paying for the child.

My two kids do not cost £1030 a month 😂😂😂 this is ridiculous

The reality is it’s 50/50! If you are seeing your kid, you shouldn’t get a dime! If it’s not, then it’s the monthly cost which I do disagree is not 1030 a month by the % in which whatever parent doesn’t have them! And a dad or mum, whoever the NRP should be able to have and afford adequate space/ room for whatever their situation is including overnights with other children they have. Or would you rather your child go for overnights at dads and sleep on the floor? Do you want your child to not have a relationship with the other parent so much so that you actually hope the experience is so shit they stop going? How about everyone grows up and starts putting the kids first! Stop making it about money and start making it about the kids! I’m getting so frustrated with mums (which I am one) totally abusing the system purely out of hurt feelings. Why is it so bad if he moves on? Why is it so bad for him to be doing well with his new partner? Why is it sooooo bad for our children to go over

There and feel a sense of family? Inclusion! Actually enjoy! Focus on your household and the insecurities of “losing” your kid will stop!