Hate being a mum
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I've learned over 13 years that you do end up getting your personal space back.. I'm not saying that I hate being a mom because I promise we all have at some point get like we didn't want to be moms. But what you do realize being a mom is everything gets better.. if ever f3el like you need anyone to talk to please message me!! I promise I know how you feel!!!
Sorry you feel this way. I am longing for the time society accept that not everyone wants children and when we as a collective understand this the better support we can have. We are so quick to say it's depressing and all these other labels when it's simply not be force that every women on the planet wants a baby. Thank god the influencers and podcasters (which I will have soon) are speaking up more about this. I'm a mother but I do know that these are things women suffer with
Is paying for childcare an option for you? I know you can get free hours the first term after they turn 9 months but I don't know when that starts. My LG didn't start childcare until she was 18mo and although the first few times were hard I felt like I got a bit of myself back when she was there! I could do what I wanted to do, leave the house without a changing bag etc. If nursery fees aren't an option look at a registered childminder as they're usually cheaper and more flexible too.
tbh i know exactly how you feel. barely knew my bf when i got pregnant & had no idea he was hiding the severity of his mental health from me. long story short he ended up committing suicide after we argued while i was 5 months pregnant and on the verge of a breakdown from stress my own,, my own mental health and one of his episodes & life has been a living hell ever since. my little one juss turned 3 months on the 30th,, i don’t have much family to rely on tho unfortunately. i’ve found that sometimes kids are juss one of those things that’s better to want than to have. if i known my only chance of being a mother would come w/ stress,, grief,, and no real happiness whatsoever i would’ve just kept my legs closed or stayed single bc i wonder if it was ever worth it. don’t get me wrong,, i love my boy but i pretty much hated kids despite how good i was w/ them & still do now,, i juss only feel connected to my own child. i wouldn’t trade him nm how much my old life was way better
I think you could do with speaking to someone - health visitor usually can be helpful but depends how good yours is. I know a friend of mine had temporary support from social services - they helped fund a morning of play group a week, and got support services involved that helped with things like talking to mums who feel the same and building up that social support (people who aren't parents don't get it!) and after a few months she was a different person
Just wanted to say you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. This is more common than we think! I agree with others here that getting some good therapy would be supportive, plus a little bit of childcare if you can afford it. Even a day a week. I had therapy for a long time after having my baby and it really saved me. I also hated it all and relate to the need for space etc, which is so hard to get of no one is helping you! Sending solidarity x
Thank you everyone just feel like I’ve totally lost myself-I’m scared of putting him in nursery because you see all the horrid stories and it just puts me off-play group make me so anxious I cry before I even get there a mum on here the other day offered for us to go out and have a coffee but the thought of socialising with someone gives me anxiety I’m literally just a shell at this point- I’ve mentioned to my health visitor I’m not great with baby groups because since having the baby I’ve become socially awkward which makes me not wanna go anywhere as I genuinely don’t know how to socialise anymore I just hate who I am since having baby don’t get me wrong I love him whole heartedly but it’s just not me I don’t do any of my hobby’s no more i forgot what it was like to have an adult conversation and not speak about my child I just hate it and if I go to my GP and tell them I’m depressed I get piled with pills which is pointless as I forget or won’t to take them
You do what feels right for you as a parent, but why not reconsider your thoughts on nursery - maybe you could just call 1 or 2 local ones and then go for a visit? It might put your mind at rest? We’ve been at 2 nurseries ourselves and loved them both and all my friends use them - of course you get the odd complaint but a massive majority of the time it’s honestly brilliant. The staff are really caring and loving adults, children learn lots and love making friends. I only say this because I really believe this can give us a little bit of headspace as mothers and to start to reclaim some of our lost identities. Which is where a positive change can really happen
It sounds like you may have a bit of PND. If you go to the doctors they won't give you pills if you don't want them. Talking therapies are a great option. I've had a lot of support from our perinatal mental health team after this baby and it's really helped. If your only concern about pills is remembering to take them can your partner help? I've got ADHD and struggle to form habits, taking medication being one of them. My husband gives me my tablet every morning at the same time he takes his own. I genuinely still have no idea what he's doing when he puts it in my hand each morning until I register it, that's how bad I am at remembering to take them!
@Libby I had the perinatal team out and apparently I’m not depressed enough for there help 🤷🏻♀️as I went through a phase when they were around of feeling like the baby wasn’t mine for months but still no help from perinatal
That’s appalling - sorry that happened and shame on them
I know you feel guilty for having childcare help but you have nothing to feel guilty about . It is important and healthy for us mums to have our own space and time to ourselves away from baby . Also it is normal to feel this when we have little ones - also don’t underestimate sleep deprivation and what it does and clouds your mind when we are caregivers to young children . It isn’t easy to get sleep , get it when you can and rest We love our kids the reality is it’s exhausting when we have little ones and it’s a 7 days a weeks job . That’s why we all really need to take time for ourselves too and do things we enjoyed before baby or try things that are just for us aside from being mum .. so we don’t lose ourselves When you have had your time and you come back to baby then everything feels more manageable Get as much help as you need it’s healthy . Build a village ! Break the cycle .. Sending much love and take care of you !!! Xxx
Hey mama, I’m so sorry you feel this way and your feelings are totally valid.. it sounds like you might be having a really bad depressive episode. Do you have access to a therapist that would help you through your emotions right now?