Does anyone feel like the whole world’s against them?
Show your support
It sounds like your mum hasn’t made peace with the fact that you’ve had a child so young and she isn’t going to be particularly supportive. I would stop asking her to babysit because it sounds like she’s going to add conditions every time.
@Marina no technically im not but realistically i am. I live with my baby’s dad. But he contributes nothing really. I pay for everything clean do everything by myself. She was a single mom and she brings it up a lot like “I did it by myself you have nothing to complain about” but doesn’t understand that essentially I really am doing it alone. What really bothers me is how I don’t get any sleep but wear makeup to cover my bags and my baby’s dad works night shift but she acts like I sleep all the time even though I get less sleep than him. I wake up take care of the baby all day put him to sleep clean and prep for the next day for the baby until around 3am And always mentions how I need to let him sleep like I’m literally irrelevant to her. It’s poor everyone else but when it comes to me apparently I don’t deserve any sympathy or empathy.
@Sophie see I tried that too. It got to the point where I was suffering from major PPD. I had to go to the hospital three times for anyone to take me seriously. When she found out she was like “idk why you never ask me for help” it’s literally like I can’t win.
She sounds like she has a lot of issues of her own, unfortunately. My friend’s mum is like this too and my friend can never do anything right in her eyes. It must be so difficult, so all I can say is just try not to take her lack of support as an indication that you’re doing anything wrong. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this whilst raising a little one ❤️
You’re Not Crazy! Try and get these thoughts out of your head. I’m 21 and I’ve 2 dogs, just engaged to my partner and we live in a top floor flat that I only moved in to a year ago. We were expecting a baby but I unfortunately miscarried a week ago at 8wks. My bf and I were so ready to take on a child as we both work but also need to be here for the dogs so we’d be taking on a lot. Anyway that’s a lot of responsibility for me as a 21yr old to take on with a child. Anyway I know we’re not the same circumstances but my mum was the most supportive of me going to have a baby as that’s what I wanted to do. I actually too have a concert coming up that I booked pre positive test, but I’m taking my mum as it was for her bday. Either way your mum should be helping you but also not making it seem like you caused urself a burden because you haven’t. She was once in your shoes and I’m sure your mum just might be feeling some type of way about her grandchild. Ask your friend
Go to the concert and have fun then when your back talk with your mum. Only way is to be open and honest about your feelings but also don’t argue back if you can help it x
My mom is like this too except I’m 24. Yes our mom doesn’t like the fact that we have grown into being an adult women. And because they done things a certain way while they were a single mom or little help they believe we should do the same. It is mind boggling that they would want to see us suffer and try to punish us instead of trying to break a generational cycle. Your mom should be more supportive!!! You’re not wrong for speaking up. I feel bad for speaking up also but you are not wrong at all. This too makes my ppd absolutely worse! I have had my dad and my grandmother talk to her about how she treats me and that it isn’t fair that she does these things. I’m grateful that i had other family members who take up for me as they see it is wrong also. I was recently in a accident on my mom’s bday on the 30th and my brother and I took her out that morning and she had asked me to go to the store for her but on the way there i get into an accident that night so I have to go to the
Hospital to get checked out so my mom is left to watch my twins mind you my mom didn’t have plans that night or does she have friends to go out anywhere. So most of her time is either work or sleeping. So the following day I have to go to physical therapy because of the accident. Then she decides to say oh well you made me stay home on my birthday just to make me feel bad. And i called her out on it like seriously you know what happened I got into an accident trying to get something you asked me to go get. 😕 like every day I be trying to tell my dad that my mom hates me and he just says she doesn’t but if she doesn’t idk what this is.
It sounds like your mom isn’t happy about watching your child as frequently as she does, and she feels like you aren’t appreciating her. If I were you, I would have her watch your child less often. Also I would care less about your moms opinion - you are a grown adult and a mom, you should care about your own opinion more than your moms.
@Rebecca this isn’t about appreciation tho. She should feel honored to it’s her blood It’s people who wish they can have family and don’t. She’s punishing her for asking for help. People literally wants you to kiss their feet when you need something from them. If you can’t ask your mother who else are you supposed to ask. Aside from the obvious here.
@Nyiaa I think it’s always nice to show appreciation whenever anyone helps, but otherwise I completely agree, I think it’s ridiculous when grandparents don’t want to be involved. However, we can’t change what her mom thinks - all we can do is try to understand what her mom thinks and act accordingly. Based on what incognito wrote, it sounds like her mom wants to hear “thank you” more and wants to watch the kid less.
@Rebecca It's respectful to show appreciation to another, however not when it's met with constant criticism, belittling or control ie punishing through emotions. It doesn't sound like her Mam wants to hear thank you. It sounds like her mother wants her to grovel for help. It's not a superiority contest and the kid shouldn't learn it is either. Not a healthy environment for either. It doesn't sound like the Mam wants to watch the kid less, it sounds like she wants to manipulate control and emotionally abuse.
@Aisling this is exactly what Ive been trying to explain to everybody this was in words that I couldn’t put
@Nyiaa Emotions are never taught in school in my country and neither is emotional abuse. I couldn't put words to my feelings either but I gave myself time to feel and express eventually. I'm still learning. Allow yourself time. Self respect should never be undermined by anyone, especially not a parent. We are supposed to grow x
Are you a single mum? Sounds like your mum doesn’t respect you as an adult yet and still treats you like a child. However, it is entirely her right not to want to babysit but then why is she offended if someone else does it? She clearly is annoyed that you made that decision to have the baby and doesn’t think you are taking responsibility, but I think even if you weren’t and you had made a bad decision then why should you suffer on your own as a punishment and for how long for her to be satisfied? This is what I mean, she still sees you as a child who needs to be punished and lectured for a bad choice, which is not how the world works for adults.