I just have to say this…

It’s insane how parenting really shows you things about yourself you didn’t realize were there. I have been really struggling with triggers. I have NEVER been an angry person…it’s pretty difficult for me to ever experience genuine anger…until these kids! I get triggered, they aren’t listening, they are yelling and fighting and there’s too many sounds and I have tons to do and no support and when overwhelmed with it all I end up yelling or making empty threats and I can just feel how internally disregulated I am! I can feel my mother, and I feel so frustrated with that and not wanting any part of that that I want to shut down and retreat. Then comes the mom guilt and videos in my algorithm explaining the psychological impacts of being reactive and yelling. I’m going against my own theology, I know it doesn’t work, I know I am the problem first…it just surfaces out of nowhere! How is everyone dealing with this??