How to deal with a toddler and high needs baby- help me please

Oooh my god dear i am sorry you have to go through this i wish i was near to help you, there is nth in this world like being a mother not just in the sweet cute way no it is the hardest job thats way heaven is under mothers feet, if my baby sleeps on my arms for 3 nights in arrow i almost cant focus it is hard icant imagine how these 4 months have been for you, i don't know your background but what condolence me is the reward for that, no one around me but allah knows what i am doing and he knows that i am doing my best for my baby and family and i ask strength from him everyday and keep praying these prayers: "O Ever-Living One, O Eternal One, by Your mercy I call on You to set right all my affairs. Do not place me in charge of my soul even for the blinking of an eye (i.e. a moment)." There is more in comment,you can use them despite your background as allah says (I am indeed near I respond to the call of the supplicant when he calls upon Me)2:186

In the Name of Allah, Who with His Name nothing can cause harm in the earth nor in the heavens, and He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing if anyone says seven times morning and evening; “Allah sufficeth me: there is no god but He; on him is my trust- he, the Lord of the Throne (of glory) Supreme”, Allah will be sufficient for him against anything which grieves him, whether he is true or false in (repeating) them In the Name of Allah, Who with His Name nothing can cause harm in the earth nor in the heavens, and He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing Also the Prophet may peace be upon him said to his daughter when she came to ask for a helper in household stuff he told her: “Let me guide to something better than what you have asked. When you go bed, say: Glory be to Allah” 33 times.”Praise be to Allah” 33 times, and “ Allah is Greater” 34 times. That will be better for you than a helper"

May allah help you through this and guide you to the solution and make her the calmest baby ever so you could take a break and help the toddler 😘😘

So sorry this is happening to you it's not fun AT ALL! If your partner is willing to help, have you tried wearing one of his shirts, so she smells him while on you? Then he wears it when he has her, so she smells you? Maybe try that 🤷🏽‍♀️! Have you reached out to the Pediatrician to be sure there's no underlying health issues? I pray you find a solution and someone comes to your aid. You do need a break and support 🙏🏾🙏🏾! Where are you located? Maybe a mom here can lend a helping hand.

@Nina thank you. I’m in a small town outside of Toronto Ontario Canada. Unfortunately here we don’t get paediatricians, only family doctors. She has not identified as her having any red flag health issues and therefore will not refer us to a paediatrician so I’m on my own with this situation. I love the shirt idea, def going to try it.

My youngest is the exact same. So was my oldest, but my youngest is another ball game. She cries every single time I am not sitting right next to her. She won’t play, hardly eat, do anything unless she is right under me. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old constantly fighting her for my attention it drives me mad most times, I completely understand you. Honestly sometimes it makes me feel like such a bad mom and partner because it can get so overwhelming I can’t stand to be touched sometimes.

With my son, we found out he had autism. He was having MAJOR sensory overloads when he was that age, up until about 19ish months old. and I was the one thing that could provide him comfort. It was draining but it all made sense and made it less daunting finding that out. He 1000% kinda grew out of the “worst” parts and can now independently do most of everything. He’s 4 now. It’s like a fever dream tbh. But I did indeed have to force breaks and deal with it until he calmed down a little bit. My youngest idk yet if we are dealing with the same thing, but noice canceling headphones are my best friend, as long as they are in the same room. No screaming but still getting stuff done. As much as it’s overwhelming, babies just want the comfort of the one consistent person they know. Your partner needs to fight through the screaming and try to bond with the baby to allow you breaks. He’s not a grandparent, he doesn’t get to hand over baby when they are over the not so cute bits.

I am so sorry. My baby was the same but I didn’t have a toddler in tow. I will say it seemed worse 4-6 months and than started to get better. He would at least tolerate my husband and my mom. I don’t know what we did to help it or if they just naturally start to come into their own and are more comfortable with others. He is still a mama’s boy but is going to more people. I wish I had more advice but solidarity and it sucks and it’s exhausting and it is 100% overstimulating and they do eventually get better. We never slept trained or anything else.

@Alex when was your son diagnosed? My son is 2 years this week and I have the same issues. He will go to my husband and mom and his nursery teacher but outside that- it’s a no go. Complete meltdown at his bday party (23 had 9 extra people all family over) and 4 days later I am still hearing ‘no people at my house.’ We just let him play outside the whole time or he would find a space on the floor and just sit and read and ignore people existing. I’m wondering if we are somewhere on the spectrum or just ASD.

@Shannon Honestly, before he was even 8 months old his pediatrician and I started monitoring him, he went to neurologist and everything because, well idk how to say it without sounding terrible, but he just never acted like a “normal,” baby. He acted like everyday objects were killing him, we started solid training, he would cry bloody murder if he had to touch mushy foods. He refused to eat with any utensils that weren’t orange plastic. Etc etc I had helped raise several children and never experienced it. They wouldn’t allow me to fully get him diagnosed until he was at least 18 months. He’s now 4, and THRIVING, I’m so proud of the growth! I’m no professional, so I won’t sit and tell you if I think your child is on the spectrum based on what you said, but I do recommend seeing one. It was a weight off both our shoulders and they helped me get him into speech/occupational therapy!

@Shannon Also, my son started off very antisocial, he use to pretend everyone didn’t exist, now he won’t stop talking to EVERYONE. I’m talking random dance parties at stores to get other kids attention. At annnny cost! 😂 I think they do eventually start learning and growing into themselves. But everyone is different!