I feel so alone

Honestly since I had a miscarriage I have felt every emotion possible but the one I feel most that makes me feel so alone is anger! You see all the posts about sadness and moving on and hope etc etc. and yes I have felt them all but I’m just so angry. I’m angry at my body. I feel it failed me. I’m angry at the world. Why did it happen to me. I’m angry at my partner. Because no real reason he’s been amazing but my emotions keep saying if we’d tried earlier and hadn’t waited then it wouldn’t be like this. I’m angry at my parents and every teacher or person that made it seem like having a child would be so easy like 1 time without protection and boom you’ll have a baby. I’m angry at people who are pregnant or have a healthy baby. Again not their fault and I’m so happy for them but I’m just so jealous. Im angry that people who don’t look after their children seem to pop them out like it’s easy. (Or so it seems in my life) I’m angry at everything But honestly I’m kind of angry at my baby that didn’t live. Which is so irrational but my baby gave me hope and happiness and ripped it away. I honestly feel the joy has been taken out of everything. I didn’t join in with Halloween cause seeing all the little ones trick and treat at my door ruined it. I’m already dreading Christmas. I was meant to be 25 weeks on Christmas Day and revealing to the world officially. I’m angry because it took that positive pregnancy experience from me and TTC and pregnancy will never be as fun or unstressful as possible again. I’m so angry I can’t even full write it. I also have so many other emotions including some hope and some excitement for my future. And day to day whilst I’m pretending everything is okay I really start to believe it. Then I relax and go home and I just feel anger and disappointment or numbness and just sit there staring at nothing. Honestly I do feel all the emotions and every time I’m asked how I am I have the same answer. ‘I’m okay. Getting by. It is what it is.’ But there is always this underlying pain and anger. And if you’ve made it to the end thank you! I just needed to get this ugly emotion out before I snap.