i’m ready to depart from my marriage

my husband has become someone i don’t identify, recognize, or in whole honesty, respect or agree with as a human. when we met, things were very different, but after almost 3 years, two babies, major life stressors, cheating (his side) and chronic lying, i don’t believe there is any point of return. i have been abused emotionally and so have my daughters by his family, which he cannot recognize their severe dysfunction and mental illness. therefore, he can’t see it in himself. he said and acted non stigmatizing towards my mental health diagnoses, but he is increasingly choosing avoidance, ignorance and pure lack of concern or to understand. now that my daughter is expressing symptoms that match mine like adhd and autism and anxiety, he has attacked me for wanting to get her diagnosed. he has victim blamed for my most recent rape of out 5 in my life. he has regressed to someone angsty, confused, angry and immature. our fights have become so out of control, and i am sincerely jumping out of my skin every time he touches me without me knowing or even walking into the room. i dealing with possible colon cancer symptoms, and he continues to lack any empathy or real concern, unless he is using it as ammunition against others for pity. i found recently he had been hiding a habit from me for almost 2 years. he continues to show actions and behaviors of unfaithfulness but will always write himself off, dilute my emotions, attack my emotions and me, or show just total unconcern. in all honesty, he has violated pretty much all our vows. i am not perfect either, but i am actively in therapy, taking prescribed medications, changing my lifestyle and habits. he’s not the man i want to model to my daughters. he is not the man i want my daughters to see me tolerate. and i do not believe he is the parent that my daughters truly need as a male figure. if he can disrespect me this much, i don’t believe there’s a limit. lastly, and most importantly, i have realized he is preventing my own self growth, healing, and the mother/parent i can be. i am just needing to vent, but really need advice from women on the other side of this or just relating. i do not trust him or his family, and i want to prepare as soon as possible for a divorce lawyer, custody lawyer and so forth. i am scared, but i must no longer tolerate this. i have fought to hard to get away from these kind of relationships. please pray for me, that i can walk away strong, maintain by custody over daughters or even get sole custody, and that i am protected from abuse/slander in the process thank you

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Best of luck. Which lawyer are you going to choose?

He sounds like a textbook narcissist. Sometimes as mothers we believe that because we’re doing an amazing job as a mother the fathers need to be pushed to change as the known phrase of “ every child needs their father” however with a father who is emotionally and mentally abusive to the mother trying to keep a father around for the sake of the kids having another parent can actually be more detrimental to the children keeping him around than having them grow up with no father and I speak from experience as well as having a friend who’s currently going through you’re current situation. I had warned her that the father needs to be taken out of the children’s life before the kids become messed up beyond repair and because she didn’t want to be a single parent regardless of the fact their not together she kept pushing the father to be in the kids lives knowing he’s toxic and now the 3 year old needs to see a behavioural psychologist because of the trauma the toxic father caused now

Causing the oldest child to exhibit violent tendencies and start abusing her younger sibling. If I was you I’d follow the instinct and get out while you can before the children really and truly need therapy or worse. That little girl has picked up narcissistic manipulative aggressive traits from her father and she’s only 3 years old, I’d hate for someone else’s child go through that, run while you can because you’re kids get mentally messed up or worse take on his traits

I’m sorry, I do fully encourage you to leave. You will become an amazing version of yourself for your daughters in the healing process.

@Shan thank you thank you

@Shan you confirmed all my heart has been telling me

how do i leave? where do i go?

@Shan oh no. What does the 3 yo baby do to the LO?? WOW. So young and unfortunate.

@Lav will turn the baby monitor around if mom just runs out the room to get milk or to the toilet, she’s ran at the LO out of nowhere and fly kicked her in the head, told her I don’t want to share my mommy etc, the baby barely has a chance to form a bond with mommy as the 3yr old will either attack the baby or attack the mother all because she’s the only parent/caregiver. The dad has done narcissistic stuff to get himself thrown out and will go as far as calling up the 3yr old and telling her I can’t see u or I don’t want to because mommy put me out. Causing the child to blame the mother all because he lacks accountability. She sees her mother as the enemy because of him when all the mother has done is show her love even with or without the dad’s absence. The dad is a narcissist mental abusing cheater yet refuses to bond with his kids if he can’t have the mother he doesn’t want them. Now the 3yo has started the physical abuse after being traumatised by her father seeing him smash up

The house including her toys and more all because he had to leave, the child now needs to see a psychiatrist due to her violent tendencies and lack of remorse to both mother and LO

@incognito the first step is take is finding other accommodation outside of family or friends. I say this because you don’t want him to look for you in an environment around someone who can be easily manipulated by him or even turn around and convince you “things can’t be that bad” family and friends are a last resort. I see you’ve also mentioned possible colon cancer symptoms, stress is the main cause/trigger of all known diseases and cancers so please go and get that checked because the sooner you leave there’s a possibility you’re symptoms could improve & you should not be used as anyone’s sympathy card. “Actions of unfaithfulness but in turn tried to make you the bad person” he’s emotionally obsessive the same as my friends baby dad. He wants to cheat as much as possible all while being able to keep u and the kids & if he even got a whiff that you were trying to move on he’ll would break loose despite he’s the one pushing you out the door all while making you out to be crazy…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it say it again. There’s a lot of men out there that genuinely aren’t interested in women emotionally. They love sex and what the woman can do for them but not the actual woman herself. There’s a lot of men in this world disguised as lovers but in all reality they actually hate women hence the lack of empathy, the dilution of emotions, the lack of remorse. They cannot see past their own personal gain and self inflated ego. They are opportunists who will gaslight the hell out of us if they ever sensed we were on our way out the door because they know that although they’re offering the bare minimum there’s someone else out there who could actually provide this woman with what she actually needs but instead they want to ensure that the life they’ve secured doesn’t suddenly crumble so they issue occasional love bombing and wear a mask around others to make it seem like their father/partner of the year in public all whilst emotionally neglecting behind doors

You can 100% go for sole custody

@Shan that is terrible. I feel the mums pain and certainly the child's too.

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