Do you consider a partner having a "secret" porn addiction cheating?

If women are allowed to have toys, smut, etc and self pleasure why can’t men???

@Briah it's not about women or men, it's any partner having an addiction to porn whether they are a man or a woman but not telling their partner about it and trying to hide it. Especially if the other partner hates porn and the one addicted knows this

Yes an addiction is an addiction it doesn’t matter what too , or who has it , it’s harmful to yourself and your relationships

@Briah not “not allowed to have”-addicted. Two different things lol

Addicted like watches a few times a day, can’t function without, watches in public/at work or is the partner “addicted” because they have to hide it???

Porn addiction is probably one of the most prevalent and laughed about addictions of them all. Yet the effects on your brain are significant and cause long term damage to their wellbeing and relationships. Whilst I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating, if it goes against your beliefs and your partner made you believe it went against theirs too, there’s broken trust.

@Emma yes this is exactly what I'm talking about. I wanted to see how common it was to think this. The partner who is addicted definitely has shame about it but doesn't want to get help at the same time. I do consider it a form of cheating but whatever way you look at it, it's definitely damaging to relationships

@Shimaya addicted because they can't live without it despite having a regular sex life and also have to hide it. And also sometimes refuses intimacy with partner but watches porn instead

@Briah This is like a spectrum where some people wouldn’t want any porn, some are fine with that and draw the line at live cams/paying for it, some allow open relationships etc etc. Just because they’re on a screen doesn’t mean they aren’t real people. It’s fine to not want porn in your relationship if both people agree, it’s not fine to secretly watch it anyway.

If the other hates, but one likes it I would keep it as secret too, just to not fight about it. I don't take it as cheating. 🙂

You didn’t mention gender specifics, but oh please let’s be serious here. We all know who this is typically targeted towards. Also usage is not synonymous with addiction. At the end of the day it’s their bodies and if they want to touch their own bodies they don’t need your permission.

@Shimaya You guys throw the term addiction on this topic for EVERYONE. Usage doesn’t equal addiction.

@Molly It’s fine to come to an agreement sure if you both have similar opinions on it… having different levels of boundaries when it comes to it is definitely a thing too…. but mislabeling privacy as secrecy is such a reach. Majority of people self pleasure themselves. They don’t need to report back to their partner details about it or if they did it unless they’re into that sort of thing. At the end of the day no one’s obligated to tell you if they touch themselves in privacy nor do they have to accept when you tell them to stop especially when majority of y’all are doing it too. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Briah did you read her comment?? No usage doesn’t mean addicted but not being able to function without it is addiction…

@Briah no you can’t assume what most people are doing. I don’t know anyone in a relationship that watches porn and it would hurt their relationships if they did. It’s not something that’s been around for that long and people survived before without it. Touching your own body is not the same as watching others, and there’s lots of studies about it damaging relationships and the effects on people’s brain. It’s a fine boundary to not want other people involved in your sex life with your partner, even if they’re on a screen and lots of guys go further and get nudes off people they talk to and say “it’s just like porn”. Just because usage is widely accepted doesn’t mean it’s not addiction if it’s harming a relationship and happening often. I wouldn’t date someone that regularly watched it and if they lied about that I’d be really hurt. That’s not privacy if they know it would hurt me

@Molly I agree! Side note. I liked what you said so had a peak at your profile 😅 I’m in Brighton and my LO is 18 months. Would be great to connect if you would like to? X

I don’t consider it cheating but I would be upset if he lied and/or tried to hide it. If it’s an actual addiction then he needs help with that. I would try to be supportive but he would need to open up to me about it first. I do think porn in general is harmful to relationships, but that’s just from my personal experience.

I'm only speaking as in if it was my relationship, yes it is cheating. My husband and I made it very clear what our cheating ideas are and we both agreed porn is cheating. Neither of us watch it. We both agreed that if you are fantasizing about someone from the opposite gender in a sexual way, you are emotionally cheating on your partner. We both think you should only think of your significant other in that way, mentally and physically.

As long as they aren’t paying for someone’s only fans or like buying content from a specific person and they’re not talking to the people then no it’s not cheating. It could be a cause for concern though if they watch it excessively or if it interferes with our intimacy or sex life

For my relationship personally I would say it’s cheating I could list 1000 reason why it’s harmful and I think this way. However, other people have different rules in their relationship and some are okay with it. I think it just depends relationship to relationship and the ground rules/expectations that were set.

Watching porn is not cheating but the addiction should be addressed

To me in any relaionships I have. One of my boundaries is no porn. Why watch porn when I’m here or we have our own videos? Why does my partner need to watch other women get off with other men? For me personally once I find out I’ll probably never trust him again and always assume he’s watching it 🤷🏽‍♀️.. that’s me and my relationship boundaries.

100% yes. My opinion though

My belief is that nothing should be secret in a relationship. If you have to hide it, then it probably shouldn’t exist in a relationship. Porn is super addicting, and I feel like it shouldn’t take place in a relationship because then it takes away from the intimacy between the two individuals.

If your relationship boundaries determined it was cheating, and now they’re doing it anyway, rejecting you in favor of porn, and actively addicted, then yes it’s cheating. An addiction isn’t healthy for a relationship either, so again, yes.