Opinions (sex with a toxic ex) sorry a long post!
Show your support
There is no way this would ever be a fwb situation….sounds like a very toxic, abusive situation and she sounds like a deadbeat parent. I would absolutely NOT have sex with her again and I would actually keep my distance from her if I was you.
You have to put your child’s needs first. Doesn’t sound like being in any type of relationship with this person is in your child’s best interest.
This whole post was you explaining that having sex with her would be such a bad idea and what a horrible person she was, then you ask should I have sex with her…. You answered your own question several times. Bad idea. Move on. If you sleep with her it will all go to sh**. Find someone worthwhile or at the very least, different rather than purposefully choosing to make the same mistake again.
Noooooo!!!! Don’t do it! You can see exactly where this is going to lead you, you’re literally telling us about it all. Save yourself the hassle and heartache and just hook up elsewhere. Plus, if you two don’t intend on becoming a couple again, is your son likely to see you two together? It would be quite confusing to him.
Yeah my reasoning as to why my post is like this is because I can see more negatives in having sex with her than I can see positives! I have tried to explain this to her and she keeps telling me how I wouldn’t know because we havent tried it.. telling me in her past she has had girls ask her to remain emotionless if they hook up again and it will be just sex and how she managed it fine so she knows she can do it again as she has played this game before! For me I feel like as much as I cannot be certain.. it doesn’t sit right with me, I don’t feel like it will end well and given our history and the fact we have a child together makes it all the more complex. My son see’s her 3x a week so he will see us together anyway but what I don’t like is the fact that she brought this up on like Tuesday just before she was about to leave my house.. she was due to come again on Thursday and Friday.. on Thursday she wants to continue on about her “thirst” instead of just being here for our son..
Ansolutely do NOT feel bad. She is clearly toxic as hell and for you own mental health, I’d stay away from her as much as possible and keep things strictly friendship.
Every time I took myself out the room, she would come and put herself in front of me and be like “I just need to know before I leave….” And make some shit up. When she messages me to say she got home she was insinuating I was giving her the vibe I wanted her and stuff even though I kept walking away. On Friday I felt sick.. made sure to tell her because I didn’t feel like interacting. She decided to stay over a bit longer to “help look after our son if I felt that sick” and yet the whole time she was acting weird, barely helped with our son and once she got home was being super off and I think it’s all because I would t engage I her sexual desires. I feel like there is no way what she is saying is possible, I think it’s highly unlikely things could work as she keeps thinking but she keeps trying to tell me otherwise (most likely to do anything to get back in some capacity)..
Okay so so far I’m not going crazy then! This is a bad idea and she is most likely gaslighting me all over again just to get what she wants!
It will not get better if you give in to her demands, it will only get worse. She doesn't want sex, she wants control and letting her have it doesn't lead you anywhere good. If her visits in your home get weird, try having them at a playground or indoor playplace. She won't be able to act so overtly sexual with other people around. You can shut down the requests for sex and if she tries to be verbally abusive, you can leave and try again next time. It's time to make these visits about your kid! (The control issues between her and your child will be the subject of a later post, I'm sure...) Good luck dating when the time is right, but give yourself time to feel strong enough saying "No. That won't work for me. Please leave." before turning things over to someone new. Otherwise, you may very well recreate this problem in your next relationship.
@Bonny yeah I’m not interested in an actual relationship right now, and had a fleeting thought about hooking up with her but like I said in my OP, I never mentioned it to her or even gave her an inkling because I know I only had the thought because she was familiar and it would be easier to hook up with someone I already had in the past, however this thought only comes around when I’m at peak ovulation and once it’s gone I sit there and think how much of a terrible idea it is. Luckily I have never tried to approach her in them times so I can just continue on as normal however when she brought it up the other day I did tell her I thought about it in the past, but only to let her know that I didn’t think it was a good idea and that it wouldn’t work out. I have a lot of posts already about our relationship or lack of which helps me know that nothing is right here. She also isn’t usually sexual like this, I don’t know why she is acting like a total horn dog!
Also since when she comes here is a time I’m trying to sort dinner/bath and the house out, her coming here is what works, but I will usually leave her in the living room with our son while I do what I need to so I’m not usually in the same room with her for longer than 5 mins at a time. She is incredibly lazy and when I take him to the park or playgroups etc. she is still fast asleep until late afternoon which by then my son is having his indoor play time before dinner and bath! She literally misses out his whole day unless we plan to take him somewhere.
@Kelsi well in the beginning when I first told her we was over and I wanted her to move out, she tried doing everything she could to stay here and “fix” things however I told her the time to do that had long past. She kept extending out her time here and not leaving giving every excuse and then telling me my behaviour with her since I told her I didn’t want to be with her has been unacceptable. (She was waiting for the council to move her but would send one email, not show that it’s urgent then tell me she is trying, I would ask her every Friday if she had chased them up and this was the unacceptable part).. when I finally told her she needs to find somewhere to sleep that night (so leave now) she could suddenly find a council number and they gave her somewhere that night! We have literally had no mention of intimacy between us, none of this thirsty behaviour nothing. She was too busy leeching off me until I eventually cut her off fully! It’s been just straight business!
It feels like you already no it’s a bad idea, and if you go against that you will regret it and start feeling lack of trust in yourself because you’re going against your own better judgment. You will find someone else to have sex with if you open yourself up to it. You don’t have to subject yourself to any of the toxicity she’s giving off, and I suggest creating new boundaries and standing firm on them. Your child deserves a happy, secure, mom. You can do it, we believe in you!
Tell her to keep the relationship and the conversation strictly about your son or you’ll report her for harassment caus that’s what she’s doing
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
@Botanica your very right on that one actually because I remember last yr when we broke up I was really disappointed in myself that I had let things get this far with her after years of red flags and I even told her this at the time and I was so full of regrets it was crazy! This for sure will bring that feeling back so I’m going to stick to how I feel and make it a big no no! I haven’t had this issue with her since we split so I never needed to set firmer boundaries but like you said, I’m going to have to now! And thank you for such positivity!
You’re so welcome @Shay
@Sophie I told her this a few months back because all she wanted to talk about was herself when I already stated I wasn’t interested. When I put my foot down and said I didn’t want to talk unless it was about our son, she got stroppy and the next day on her visit when my son was napping said we needed to talk, kept cornering me and making me feel weird, I had to tell her to back up non stop. When she left I told her how disrespectful she had been and that I wasn’t interested in “talking” and that I didn’t want her thinking she could try it with me like that… she never tried again as I was firm.. until this conversation last week. It’s not as serious as reporting her but I will have to make sure she knows she has no control or power over me anymore.
Whenever I mention we should keep our conversations strictly about our son or at least mainly about it she don’t like that idea no gets all huffy and puffy with me but in all honesty I feel like he is the only reason we are still in each others lives otherwise I would have cut her out already so I feel like just going along with her because I feel horny at the time and she is ready all the time is just asking for trouble, especially when she still doesn’t do much with our son!