Really need advice

So i have always had anxiety, depression and PTSD and after having my son it got so much worse to the point I had to start taking meds for OCD. Fast forward to now my son is almost 9 months old and is very attached to me because I'm almost always holding him. My question is if he has a safe space to play and explore can I do stuff around the house as long as I check on him or have the baby monitor on? My brain literally tells me no I have to be in the same room as him and interacting with him at all times. I'm a FTM and a SAHM and am so embarrassed at how hard it is for me to know what to do and not having people I feel comfortable talking to about this stuff. Any mama's have advice or similar issues?
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@Lianne I have a play pen for him and lots of toys for him to play with but the second he starts crying when I set him down it's so hard for me to not want to rush and pick him up. Him crying makes me so sad.

@Kiana I know what you mean. I feel the same . I feel the guilt because he whines if he can’t see me or I’m not directly interacting with him. The worst is when I think right I’ll sneak off for a quick shower . As soon as you get the shampoo on your head they cry !

@Lianne exactly. I find myself glued to him because of the mom guilt and feel so judged by my family for always holding him. Glad I'm not the only one.

Hiii! I’m a fellow mom with a very troubled brain going on, crying my sons specifically; set my brain on fire especially in the first year, I couldn’t focus on anything but fixing it, so my solution was getting a back carrier that I could comfortably & safely wear in a back carrying position, that and using headphones with one ear free saved my sanity (We use the ergobaby original)

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