Vent? Partner basically not taking his leave anymore?

I’m just really annoyed... but also feel like I should be happy? Idk how to feel… Soo I just had a baby 2 months ago and currently on my maternity leave. I got 4.5 months paid leave and my partner gets almost 5 months paid leave so we decided to stagger it and he would take his after me so baby didn’t have to go to daycare for a bit so we have daycare already set up and have a spot in early April. My leave is ending mid-January and he was gunna start his in early Jan. Early on I DID think about extending my leave because there’s another type of “family leave” at my work that you can take for 90 additional days completely unpaid with manager approval. He was always totally fine with me taking any unpaid time early on if I want to and always said i wouldn’t have to contribute to any of our joint bills during that time (we keep finances separate and he would pay all the joint bills like mortgage, util, daycare for toddler, pets, groceries, etc). But obviously i wouldn’t have any money for personal. Which is mostly ok because i have savings I can pull from, I JUST paid off my car last month and so I don’t have THAT many personal expenses but idk lately I’ve been feeling a little broke after all my postpartum expenses and don’t love the idea of going without money to do the things that keep me happy (my gym memberships aka CycleBar and Pilates, shopping, brunches, nails etc). Also assumed i could go back to working out regularly if he was off work and could do more childcare and around the house stuff. (He’s amazing at childcare anyways and shares 50/50 but he’s not good at regular housework lol) but been wanting to work on myself because I’m more upset with my body this time. Anyways, well he comes to me saying that he wants me to take the 90 days unpaid to watch our baby instead and he will just give me money (i would still make more going back to work, like $800-1000 more than what he said he would give me, but his opinion is like but then i would not be working) and he’s got the opportunity to make extra money during this time. In one aspect yeah it sounds great because who wouldn’t want extra time off with baby but like 1. Idk never been SAHM type. I’m already gettting bored AF at home all the time and was looking forward to going back and 2. my company is going through lay offs right now and i don’t THINK I’ll be let go but i have no idea at the end of the day so like it feels incredibly STUPID to go to my manager and ask for more time off since I’ve been off already since end of August in the midst of lay offs. My boss is a mom of 2 and I know she would approve it but that’s not the point. I just feel BAD. Plus I absolutely can’t get laid off. I have the best job ever and I would be devastated to be let go. I make amazing money for only working part time 4 days a week and i know if i got let go i would probs take a pay cut AND have to go back to full time. Anyways..Half of me is like just do it because I’ll never get the time off again and then half of me is also kinda annoyed at partner that he rather make more money than watch his baby for 3 months alone. He’s ok with me also going back and we hire a nanny for those months until our daycare spot but i REALLY don’t want to do this either. I didn’t want my baby in anyone else’s care until he was older so that’s the part I’m mostly mad about that I’m in the position now that i have to either ask for more time off OR put him in the care of a stranger earlier than I wanted. 😩 This was mostly a vent. But idk how would you feel? What would you do?

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I totally get it! I was itching to go back to work after a couple months even though I loved having time with my baby! Talk to him and find out why he no longer wants to take "his turn". Maybe you can find a compromise where he takes just a month or so off and be there WITH a nanny so he can supervise the transition

@Sarah i haven’t asked but I think he would probably say it’s not about “not taking his turn” and more about using his “time off” to get a side hustle/freelance stuff up running that he has been wanting to do to make extra $. He does work remotely though so he did mention he could try to work and watch baby at the same time but i don’t love that idea and at that point rather hire a sitter i guess because it just won’t be the same level of care/baby will be ignored if he had a meeting. I swear he’s just like addicted to working because we had similar issue when our 1st was born. He didn’t get any paid leave since he was a consultant at that time so he took 2 weeks unpaid but when he returned he cont to work like 6-7 days a week because he worked a company that let him bill literally unlimitedly and it was absolutely ridiculous. I know either way will be okay but yeah def just feel rather annoyed for the switch up and kinda scared to ask for more time off.

@Sarah OH also…forgot to mention that one of my top reasons i guess for being kinda disappointed was that I thought since he would be off work while i went back to work it would kinda help me with the adjustment period working w/ 2 kids as i assumed he would be able to take over nights with the baby, help me get more sleep and help more around the house during the day to make the transition back to work easier for me. First world problems probably but still hahaha!

I would definitely talk this through with him when you’re ready. I would also think long term. If he stays at work to make more money is that going to increase his pay moving forward or just for the time being? Also be upfront with your boss about your plans. When I had my first I went on leave in July. And I told them I would return in October. Well at the days got closer I had a changed my mind. So I went to my boss and asked for 2 more months and when I returned I asked to return part time only. She accepted that and I was shocked since no one had a part time position like I did. So in my experience it was worth it to be open and honest.

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