It’s hard

I’m 32 weeks pregnant today, and I have not had a stress free week since I’ve been pregnant. My bd is narcissistic. We had a bad falling out in August about a female on social media, who he was talking to but lied about it. Then we reconciled and she texted him that same night, along with another female. She showed up to his house to fight me after words were exchanged between us and he defended her. He blames me for everything, and defends these women he talks to. We already have a 1yo together and I have a 3yo from a previous relationship. He’s constantly telling to go find my first child’s father and saying other hurtful things. I had to go to the hospital twice last week due to complications and he made me leave both times before the doctors could tell me what was going on because he didn’t want to be there. I feel so alone in this pregnancy, and I just feel it’s best to not have him there for the birth, or have him involved with our kids. I work 40+ hours a week and have our child Sunday morning to Friday night, just to be told I’m a lazy parent. I’m suffering from depression and anxiety, but I cannot take my meds right now due to not being pregnancy friendly. I’m in such a dark place and I’m really struggling.