MIL tells a pregnant you that this baby is her second chance...
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Nope I’d be thankful that grandma wants to be around. She raised your husband she did something right.
It would really depend on the mil law. Some MIL would just say this meaning they want to spend as much time as possible with baby while others might want to try yo take over taking care of the baby completely
As long as she isn’t trying to claim ownership over your baby it doesn’t seem like the sentiment is a bad thing. The wording is a little weird tho. I’d be worried abt her possibly being overbearing
Id say make the most of her!!
@Kylie she's a control freak... Every visit she tells me what needs changed in my house. I'll leave and come home to my rug being moved a foot away because "it's more centered" and she likes it that way. She told me that my color palette didn't match when we picked out paint for the house. When we were putting furniture in the new house she offered to help set it up. We told her where we wanted everything and she decided it would look better elsewhere. Even went as far as to put things in completely different rooms than we wanted...she has brought paintings that she painted and put them up in our house while visiting. We have had to tell her numerous times that it's okay and we don't need her help on the house and we can just relax while they visit and she gets MAD. I woke up one morning to her attempting to hang curtains. She completely stripped a screw, hung them crooked, and higher than they should be. My husband told her she was fired, something I had jokingly told him the day before...she glared at ME
They live a few states away but want to visit every month for an entire week. We've cut back a lot on them visiting because it's too much. They don't listen to anything I say in my own home. And my husband is working a large part of every visit. He has to almost be mean to her for her to just stop.
I think it’s sweet, clearly means a lot to her (as long as she doesn’t get overbearing) bit ofd if your partner says she was present but maybe she feels she wasn’t enough 🤔
Just wait till God takes her back to heaven. Haha just kidding its a red flag my mom did this to my sister. Didn't end well she always got nosy about her relationship with the baby's father
Lmao she just feels she could have done better and this is her chance to do better! Long as it’s love behind what she is saying it wouldn’t alarm me
Yes red flag, especially after your new comments
Very often they think it's actually their baby and second chance, but it isn't, it's YOUR baby and your first, yes she can be a grandmother but don't let her get too carried away like she does with your house ,and start taking firsts away from you
If she’s that overbearing with just your house I’d hate to see how she is with a baby 😳
@Katharine we also have dogs and she'll just get up and take them on a walk without even asking. That one really gets me because my dog has gotten out of her collar while on a walk before. Then she thinks playing chase is a super fun game 😑 the other one is defensive and reactive to other dogs and I've had to take the leash from MIL before because she was letting the dog drag her towards 3 little dogs that were barking at us.
@Makayla lmao not to be super dark but she is anti medicine and anti doctor so that is a possibility 😬
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Your MILs first chance is still here, her son, she should continue to improve that relationship. And she shouldn't think she gets a second chance with someone else's baby. Have a second baby then lol red flag for sure
It depends how much she’s going to try to insert herself into. Being a present grandparent like having over nights, taking the kids to do stuff, showing up for events is one thing and I believe is apart of being a good grandparent. But trying to parent your child to make up for any guilt she may have is a complete no no.
I have a very absent mil and I would love her to be more about our kids (she is to her other grandkids so I hurts me a bit) but I also think I would like this because all my grandparents were super involved and my connection to them is beyond words. My husband didn’t have the same experience with his grandparents and I always feel sad for him. So just think of all the love your baby will get 🥰
Um… no. Respectfully, when they start out like this it’s because they are trying to ruin your experience for you.
I would that care, just make sure she doesn’t ruin your motherhood experience. There’s no such thing as a second chance with your grandchildren. Your “second chance” is with your own children.
Yeah it would be a bit worrying to me because you don’t get a second chance to be a mother once you’re done having kids.. you get to be a grandma now which is so so special but very different. I would probably ignore it though and just keep an eye out for anything else that shows she may overstep her role and deal with it as it comes
Given your comments, Y.I.K.E.S. Keep her far far FAR away. She tries to control your home regularly when around, I don't even want to think about what she'll be like with YOUR baby. This kind of thing usually escalates quickly and horribly, I'd never be able to trust her for second. It feels like everyone here saying 'don't worry' has no experience whatsoever with toxic people. Best of luck to you with everything!
I'd be happy she wants to help with little one but just make sure to set boundaries 🤷🏼♀️
I have been in your shoes and it’s a total shit show. If you need someone to talk to I feel we would get along great. My child’s father just let his mother dog walk me and try to control me what I did with my daughter until the point I’d leave. Now since we are split she constantly asks to FaceTime my daughter and has definitely over stepped her boundaries of being a grandmother so I have completely cut her out of our lives
@Caelynn so after this visit my husband has realized that they are a problem and we're putting up really firm boundaries. Their visit was a complete disaster.
The next day after this post MIL suggested we pool our resources and buy a big house with an in-law suite so we can all live together. I broke. Like had no control of my mouth and just said, "No. Absolutely Not." MIL got a really terse look on her face and said, "Oh, so that's it? We're not even going to have a discussion on it?" She looked at her son for help... My husband burst out laughing and just said, "No way," while continuing to laugh. She was really pissed but didn't bring it up again. Then the rest of the visit my FIL kept laughing at my size and how much I was eating. He only said it in front of my husband once and my husband stood up for me.
FIL comments: Haha, well if that baby came out now she wouldn't even be a preemie! Haha, leave some clothes for my son! (Wearing husband's clothes because they are comfy and fit better than mine). Omg, doesn't she look just like Barbara?! (Said to MIL). Obviously you're not in your 50s, but you're wearing long shorts with the belly and bust to go with it! (Puts his hands up to mimic big boobs). You look just like Barbara! (Said at least 5 more times before said in front of my husband and he shut it down...In-laws apologized by accusing me of being sensitive and saying it won't happen again bc they're aware that I am sensitive 🙄). Wow, you're eating again?! (When I got an APPLE two hours after dinner). Me talking about how much my siblings and I weighed at birth... We all weighed around 7 pounds. My in laws singled out my one overweight sibling and questioningly said, wow your sibling only weighed 7 pounds at birth??! Needless to say we have a plan to go low contact.
This is very disturbing 😳
I am so sorry your going through this. That’s really shitty. But don’t let it bring you down and hell I eat like a fat ass who gives a rat, I am pregnant as well and hell when your pregnant your eating for two. My daughter weighed 9 pounds. Happen she was a bigger baby she was healthy and that’s all that matters. Don’t let them bring you down❤️😊 people just suck if you ask me😑
So sorry you have to deal with this, super happy your husband is on the same page with you now on how to move forward.
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She can go to therapy instead of putting her mental wellbeing over your baby. This is a total red flag yes
Nah not really. She's obviously got some mum guilt still! Encourage hubby to talk to her honestly and positively about his childhood, maybe she can let it go.