Deciding whether or not to put baby’s dad on the birth certificate

If you’re worried don’t do it. It is easier to add him to the birth certificate at a later date than it is to take him off.

Don’t add him

Don’t add him, you can always add him later on if he changes

Don't add him, if he wants too he can be added later.. that's what I've done..

Also done it with my first son(he's now 7yo) .. he's dad didn't bother during the pregnancy or when he was born he then got in contact when he turned 5 and he was only about for 2 months(not consistently).. and then showed up again for a few weeks and then he's disappeared again the last time he was involved he said he wanted to be on the birth certificate and I said as long as he stuck around and actually was in he's life then yes but as always ye disappeared again so now he's not getting contact as it was damaging enough the first two times. He would now have to take me to court and go about it that way

I wouldn’t either. If he wants to be a part of baby’s life he needs to do more and try harder. If he’s treating you like this during pregnancy he doesn’t deserve for baby to have his last name and seeing as you’ll be the main parent it makes more sense to have your name is you’ll probably be one doing all doctors appointments or any appointments for that matter. Luckily my 1st daughters father when we actually sat down for a civil conversation a couple weeks before she was born took me telling him that she would share my last name took it very well and figured that would be the case as he barely spoke to me during the pregnancy and moved to a different city. He sees her once a month for a weekend and is a good father when he takes her and pays me some money for supplies but other than that he’s not around a whole lot

I've skimmed through the post being long, but if there's realistic safeguarding concerns that you can evidence that will put baby at risk don't put him on. If it's the case of not contributing financially etc then it wouldn't be such an ideal reason not to put him on as it's not putting baby at risk. If you chose not to add him and he later wishes to be added that's fine as he can do it through court but I've been through that and it's a stressful process. If you're worried he will walk off with baby apply to court for a child arrangements order so baby can be returned as police will do nothing to get baby returned unless stated on the order

Don’t add him

I'll get hate for this but I don't care... Your child deserves to have their parentage on their birth certificate, especially as you know who he is! Why have it as "father unknown" when that's not the case? In my opinion it's wrong. I agree with giving baby your last name, but denying your child their parentage on a legal document I think is awful. You chose to keep this man's baby, therefore you need to own it.

I’m going to play devil’s advocate here… not being as involved in the pregnancy as you’d like, doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to be involved as a father. Men don’t always connect until the baby actually arrives. Not putting him on the birth certificate won’t stop him from being able to file for custody, it’s just going to lead to your baby getting a DNA test. You also would need to get one to file for child support if you wanted it. For the sake of your child I’d also advocate for hyphenating the last name, because as both a mom and a step-mom, I think that half the DNA is his. I don’t want this to sound mean or rude, but it sounds like this situation goes both ways a little bit… not talking to him at a scan is just rising to his level and potentially antagonizing him more. This is about the baby, so maybe you guys need to sit and talk about coparenting and expectations—even if it’s communication expectations. Has he ever been unsafe or violent? Because that’s a different story….

@Rebecca if the child grew up without their father yet one day asked who he was, I’m sure majority of mothers would tell their child. A birth certificate giving said father parental responsibility does not benefit the child.

@Charlotte but the thing is, it doesn’t sound like he’s going to grow up without a father, it just sounds like his parents aren’t going to get along. I’m with @Rebecca on this one…

@Erin surely it makes more sense to leave him off it until they can come to an agreement. If she puts him on it and gives his surname and then he goes no contact when their baby is a couple months on..why should she then pay the price, she would be left unable to take her child abroad and having to prove she is the child’s mother due to different surnames. It sounds like both you and Rebecca have been fortunate to have amazing experiences when it comes to pregnancy and your partners, however we don’t all get that..I think if you had gone through pregnancy alone, you’d have a different view

@Charlotte you’re right, I have been. But as I said, I also have a step-son and the relationship between my husband and his ex has been terrible! Luckily, he has my husband’s last name and he was on the birth certificate, but she has two other kids and she gave them her surname and didn’t put their father on it. It’s led to so much drama and court proceedings and her decisions just prolonged it all and made it another layer of difficult. Plus, as I said, in terms of the birth certificate, if she ever wanted to file for child support, she wouldn’t be able to until a DNA test has been completed. Like I said, devil’s advocate, but also first-hand experience. If they both know that he’s the father and he’s voicing wanting to be involved, then why add those difficult steps?

@Erin I’m not going to keep going back and forth, I think the OP needs to decide for herself what she would feel comfortable with. People, including myself, are obviously giving one sided opinions based on our own experiences. Like I said originally, it is easier to add him at a later date than it is to take him off.

@Charlotte absolutely! I think that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I completely respect that! Please don’t think I meant my comment or reply in a confrontational or rude way. It’s absolutely her decision ❤️ I’m sorry that you’ve had such negative experiences. I wish you nothing but the best xx

Don’t add him x

@Rebecca with all due respect you’re an a$. Some men use being on the birth certificate as a form of control. She will need his permission to travel, get into school (in some countries) and much more, he could be spiteful. He doesn’t contribute to his family other than £70 I live in England and £70 is basically nothing it doesn’t even cover groceries. She shouldn’t put in on the birth certificate without them coming to an healthy agreement

@Kaykay🇬🇧🇹🇹 I wholeheartedly disagree. Men have zero control when it comes to these situations, and most women don't do it for their kid, they do it for themselves.

@Rebecca men do have control in this situations that’s why it’s called parental rights! And the topic isn’t about most women it’s about her situation

You should put them on the birth certificate.