Is there too much pressure for women to have the “perfect” vaginal birth?

Sorry you had such a traumatic experience. My vaginal birth was magical, I was literally up right after I popped her out. I didn’t tear enough to need stitches. I believe my body was made to do exactly what it did and it was perfect.

My first, traumatic on so many levels and not a very nice or easy recovery. My second vaginal birth was the opposite, and I recovered what felt like immediately. I did feel strong, it did feel perfect and magical. I would do that labour and delivery 100 times over. I think it’s meant to empower those that are nervous (I was never told it would be easy though), but I absolutely get how that can often then be internalised as pressure to have this *perfect* birth and then anything that falls short of that then feels like a failure. I did also find the opposite though in both of my births and that they’re quick to offer a section (but the hospital I gave birth at does have a pretty high c section rate…)

@Chloe so interesting isn’t it because my hospital was the opposite in that I was yelling and begging for a c section but was just told that “my body can do it” “you don’t need that.” I’m so glad you got a positive birth with your second after a traumatic time with your first.

I’m so sorry that happened to you, and that you weren’t listened to. That this is your birth story now. And people say “all that matters is baby is healthy” or similar, but that’s not all that matters at all. You matter. Your feelings and preferences matter. Your physical and mental health afterwards matter. I remember after the birth of my first child, whilst being repaired in theatre following the damage caused during a forceps delivery, when the midwife said to me “I still think you could have done it by yourself”….. As if everything that had happened up until that point wasn’t me ‘doing it’ , like I had somehow failed at the one thing I was supposed to be able to do. That feeling will stay with me forever. As will the memory of telling my mum, with misplaced shame and guilt, that I had ended up in theatre because I “couldn’t do it”. But my second birth was very healing, fortunately.

I was hoping to have that magical perfect birth that people talk about but both pregnancies ended in csections. For a long time i was disappointed in myself because i see it as my body failing to do the one thing its made for 😭

@Chloe exactly this. I got told constantly “but you and baby are fine and that’s all that matters” and I just kept thinking how can anyone consider what happened to me fine? How can they call this being fine? The worst was when the midwife came to the postnatal ward afterwards and said exactly this and I looked her dead in the eyes and said “I am absolutely not fine actually and I don’t want you anywhere near me so please leave.”

I was induced for my first baby and it was HORRIBLE!! My second baby I had a precipitous labor and it was fantastic!! I wouldn’t say I felt empowered or great after either. 2nd degree tears with both but the tears didn’t really bother me. Being induced was the worst experience. It’s not natural at all!!!!!!!! Going into labor naturally the second time was wonderful. My body was allowed to do its thing naturally vs it being forced like induction.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I had a magical water birth and was up an hour later, but no one pressured me into it, I wanted it like that. I don't think women should have unrealistic expectations, but we should advocate for the birth plan we actually want!

I actually disagree - yes, with your first i think you are steered towards a vaginal birth. I had a 78 hour labour which ended in an emergency c-section. I tried very much to have a vaginal birth, but unfortunately, it just wasn't for me. But it wasnt medical staff who i felt pressure/shame about having a C-section.... It was other mums. No joke, i had so many "you must not have allowed your body to do its thing" comments, or "you didn't relax enough" or "if you understood the birth process, it would have been different".... What on earth are those women on? Women and babies used to die in childbirth ALL THE TIME And these women pretend that we're all "designed to do this" Its such an ignorant comment

But no, i have never felt pressure from medical staff to have a vaginal birth. I admit that during my first birth, they probably should have opted for a section sooner, rather than waiting until it was an emergency. But with my second and third, i said i wanted a section and everyone has supported me. Aside from certain women who think i am "too posh to push" or "too lazy to try" 🙃

The current state of maternity care actually pushes for the opposite. A lot of moms are lied into inductions and planned cesareans by their OBs under the guise of “medical necessity”, elective cesareans and inductions are also pushed a lot more and many moms are pressured into them. Because of this, in order to counter that, there’s a major push toward physiological and “natural” birth but part of it is also extreme.

I feel the same way…and I’m going to say this without guilt. I screamed so much that I lost my voice for a week. Fully traumatised by the pain from what on paper looks like an uneventful vaginal birth aside from episiotomy. Im even considering asking for an elective C this time. Everyone I know who has had a planned (or even unplanned) caesarean appears to have had a beautiful safe experience and great recovery. I didn’t feel safe at all during mine and it very almost ended up in a C anyway. I’m petrified

There's a lot of pressure from society and some medical professionals to have vaginal births. For many reasons, vaginal births are not the best choice for everyone. I had a planned c-section, my baby was breech so I needed one. One of my high risk doctor tried to convince me to have an ecv so I could try for a vaginal birth. I kindly refused. My ob was amazing and had agreed, from the beginning of my pregnancy, to do an elective c-section. My c-section was amazing, I was up walking to the bathroom within a few hours of my surgery, was home on day 3, walking up and downstairs, and going on walks by day 5. My recovery was easy and smooth.

I had an induction at 41 weeks (my choice) and a third degree tear and lost 1.7L of blood. My husband was very traumatised by the whole scene and all the blood. I, on the other hand, did not want a c section at all from the beginning and despite all of this I still think my birth was magical. I have never experienced pain like that before in my life but I loved every minute of it and how I actually pushed a whole baby out. It’s by far the craziest thing I’ve ever done. I still want a vaginal birth for future children tho Just to add that my stitches did not dissolve and after 3 months I still had them all on before I went on to have them manually removed as well

I 100% didn't find mine magical. I am a scientist so read some papers before birth but was denied a c-section during my emergency induction (4 days long - severe pre-eclampsia and a 5w preemie). C-section births result in lower rates of organ prolapse and sexual dysfunction. Doctors hype up the risks (e.g. damage to nerves that control bladder) but fail to properly state risks of the same in vaginal birth. For all the idiots saying birth is natural and your body was made for it, they obviously skipped biology class or they'd know that a parent of offspring surviving their birth is not necessary to continue a species so vaginal birth is not something that is so strongly linked to evolution. If the mother dies after birth, or lives a life in pain, her genes are still passed on so it is irrelavent. Our bodies function to enable us to survive and reproduce - after you've achieved that there is no evolutionary benefit to a painless or damage-free birth.

Were you induced or laboured naturally? Hospital or home?

@Stephanie parent surviving birth is necessary for human survival as babies need milk and protection so without mum or a replacement mum Bub is not going to live either…

My medical professionals denied my request for a vaginal birth based on my baby being too big on scans. Despite my own sister giving birth to a 4.5kg baby naturally. I think there’s a push in the other direction… intervention with early inductions and c sections. Ended up having a c section that I was not happy about. Care providers that actually supported me for a vaginal birth would have been amazing.

@Janey I went into labour naturally and laboured at home for 3 hours before going to hospital. I had no pain relief. Was absolute hell, hated it.

@Stephanie I totally agree that vaginal birth risks are massively down played. No one talks about the life long consequences women suffer as a result of vaginal births and they definitely emphasise the negatives of a c section.

@Stephanie My ob, who is also an urologist, shared with me that she also chose c-section for herself. She knows the risks and lifelong damage that vaginal birth can cause. She only shared this with me after I requested an elective c-section at the beginning of my pregnancy. I requested it for my mental health, and after researching the physical risks, I'm glad it was approved.