Am I the asshole?
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DV is a part that stuck w me, if he’s been violent I wouldn’t leave the child with him is all
@Heidi he hasn’t done anything wrong to my child. I don’t believe he would hurt our son. He’s also never alone, there’s always one member of his family with him whilst he has him. I also don’t want to stop visitation and then he goes to court and says I stopped it because there’s no police evidence to say he’s done anything, it’s my word against his
Personally, I think you may be have overreacted a bit. I know it would frustrating without a 24 hour notice, but he may have just needed to work overtime due to needing more money or something like that. I know it's an inconvenience but with co-parenting that happens sometimes. It's gonna happen, it's not going to be perfect everytime.
Is there a reason he doesn’t care about his other 2 children but is trying so hard to see yours? it’s very irrational behavior to get so mad at your for just doing what is best to have consistent child care since he is unreliable when he doesn’t bother to see his other 2. Even if hasn’t done anything to hurt your kid I would still not be comfortable leaving a baby with someone like that.
@Jenna he didn’t need to work it. He can’t work over a certain amount of hours but decided to this time. He didn’t care about the money, but if that was the reason I would of understood
@Carly personally I don’t think he cares about the child, he just cares alot trying to get back with me since it’s in every conversation. I’m not entirely comfortable but I just don’t know what to do about his contact. I can’t afford a good lawyer or anything but he could. I don’t want my son to go to him full time
I'd cut him out your life
33, and he's still acting like that? Boy, bye. He's no good from what you wrote.
@Natalie I don’t know how because I’m scared he’ll take me to court and get more visitation right
@Katy the worst part about it is that his family think it’s all acceptable and that he’s done nothing wrong
I am sorry you’re going through this. But if he does take you to court they tend to side with the mom especially if you have a job, place to live and other family support. they will also take into account he has 2 other kids already that he does not see. It makes me wonder, does he really not care or did he loose those court cases because he’s an unfit parent? Does he pay child support? The entire situation looks like it would be in your favor even if he does try to take you to court
Plus if he messes up and is not upholding his responsibilities that are now in writing he can loose his right if you take him back to court
It sounds like he’s doing this to keep controlling you! If I were you I’d also reply, yes great let’s get mediation and court documents, then you have a fixed set days where he has access and you can work yourself around it. I would speak to a solicitor if I were you and see what their take is on it. I would also document every time he sees your son and also every time he cancels, just to document a pattern.
I'd start finding another source of childcare if he's unreliable maybe that's what happened previously with his other 2, I don't know, but he's not a good source of childcare or parenting in my eyes
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@Carly yes I have all those things. As far as I’m aware he didn’t take them to court because they told him everything he asked. He eventually just gave up seeing them as he moved on to the next. He only stopped seeing the last child because I got pregnant ( completely unaware he did) he used to pay child support as it came out his benefits but now he’s got a job he doesn’t pay. Has never paid anything for our son, wouldn’t even give me the cot his family has brought.
He sounds like a horrible person…. I agree with the comment that said agree to go to court then everything will be documented and he can only see your baby on agreed upon times. Document every time he misses a visit or pick and and present it to the court
@Victoria he still is trying, a lot of people who have read the messages can see it. I replied and gave him 3 options or I’d cut contact entirely 1 being only speak to sort out him seeing our son 2 he takes me to mediation or court 3 he cuts contact entirely. I don’t know how I’d pay for a solicitor or I would. But thank you for the advice
@Kelly I have done now, I needed something in place. And he just lost interest with the other ones which is sad
Do what you need to do. He is 10 years older than you, he was intentional because you're younger he thought/thinks he'll have more power over your mind. He doesn't see the other kids most likely because they've crossed this bridge already. Continue to move forward without him. Even in coparenting, dont rely on anyone. Plan like its only you and let them following thru be a nice surprise.
As a single mom with an unreliable baby daddy and who was also cheating and abusing me I too moved and he has no idea where I live for safety reasons. And I too have had to fuck up my plans cuz bd is unreliable. And just be careful these type of people are only nice to their kids until the kids start becoming their person- so don’t ever let your guard down. And get to court so you can get child support.
@Lauren ok thank you so much
@Lyss ok thank you so much. I know he’ll loose interest as soon as he gets the next girl pregnant. I’m going to set my son a bank account up and ask he puts the money in there instead. I don’t want him saying he provides when he doesn’t
They should legalise chemical castration 😭
@Ella I don’t know why this made me laugh 😅
He’s a 33 year old loser. Not the asshole. He’s a waste of skin.