Postpartum depression. Missing old life.

This was me with my first. I understand the guilt, disappointment, and straight up depression you’re feeling. It got better for me once I started getting more sleep. Which for me wasn’t until 13 months. It did get a bit better before that around 6 months when I started going to my gym that had a creche, and at 9 months I put him in day care 1 day a week and that was amazing. However, I was in denial about my PPD and refused help. In hindsight I should’ve got my husband or a friend to take the baby over night and give them pumped milk or formula while I slept. I didn’t get more than 3 hours sleep from 3 days before he was born until he was about 6 months old. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, please know ur not alone. My son is 4 now and we have such a strong bond and I love him more than anything in the world. My second is 7 weeks and it’s been totally different, there was an instant bond. Makes me feel so bad for my first but honestly he’s such a happy 4 year old I try not to

Hi lovely. Of course it's normal, however as you are past the baby blues stage already I would tell the health visitor to get a referral to perinatal mental health support (talking therapy). I can only recommend it because I suffered from postpartum depression twice in 2 years, each time different reasons. Motherhood is very hard and I am not sure if there are mothers that are just super happy from day 1 because from what I experience, all my mom friends do struggle quite a lot and just try to find joy, it doesn't seem to come natural but the social media want to project the wrong and put pressure on us. Please take care of yourself and embrace your feelings because they are completely normal and it's good to get some support, especially as a first time mommy❤️ Don't worry about the bonding, the time will come when your baby shows more personality and you fall in love with her for more things than just the nappy changes, cluster feedings and night wakings. I would say, probably from around 4-6 months.

My own second baby is 4 months old now and I have just started slowly connecting with her and it will still take time before I bond with her as much as I am connected to my 2 year old now❤️ I wish all of us all the best!

I took birth classes and one of the thing we learn was not to expect to immediately feel a close bond with your child. But my teach did mention the bonding/love feeling will come later on. So hang in there mama! Don’t feel bad for feeling this way. It’s completely valid to feel the way you do.

I can promise you, what you’re feeling is normal. My love for my baby was there when I gave birth but it wasn’t an overwhelming OMG THIS IS THE MOST INTENSE LOVE EVER. It was a ‘I love this little stranger and I’d do anything to protect her, she’s cute too, but in in too much pain and in too tired to think too much about anything 😳’ but now, 6 months on, she is my whole world. I adore her. It’s still f* exhausting and I’m a bit lost in my mother identity but I’ve started to LOVE being a mama. I think a lot of women are scared to admit a lot of this. It’ll come in time for you, I have no doubt. Your body is recovering and it’s hard and life as a mum is such a huge adjustment from your life before. As the baby gets a little older, it gets easier to deal with, I think. Of course, it’s still difficult but you learn that you physically can’t hold them all the time, you can’t have them dangling off you 24/7. You need rest, you need to get things done and you need to breathe. ♥️

There is a talking therapy for pp and it focuses on finding yourself again. You will realise how common this is, and the guilt that comes with it. You're tired, your life has been significantly changed in an instance, and it does improve. Your relationship with yourself, your baby, and your husband will grow as you heal and recover. Your hormones are dancing around right now, which will be influencing your feelings, they will also begin to smoothen over the months. Also, think about where you're seeing all these happy mums. I felt guilty too and had to stop social media. I felt guilty just putting her in the crib after she contact napped so I could sleep next to her safely. I even tried to sleep with my hand on hers, as I felt so bad.

Can be ppd ask ur HV or GP for advice and you can self refer to perinatal mental health team they're amazing at supporting through this. Hang in there mama you're doing great